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Sparkle (2)
I swore I wouldn't give my daughter Franny a cell phone until she was thirteen. And whenever my nine-year-old asked, as she had been doing more frequently, "Mom, when can I have a cell phone?" this is what I told her. There were a few reasons why I thought 13 was the magic cell phone number. She'd be responsible enough not to lose it. She'd be old enough to coordinate her own social plans. Her dad got her brother an iPhone when he was thirteen and I wanted to be fair.
But giving a cell phone to a child still residing in the single digits seemed not just premature, but actually gross. In the swanky city where I live, it is not at all unusual to spot prepubescent Paris Hilton wannabes strolling in Jackie O-size designer sunglasses, flashing an iPhone where an American Girl doll should be, chatting, or more often, texting during lunch at a pricey outdoor cafe. Whenever I spotted the parents of these tech-addicted children, they appeared perfectly content to ignore their offspring right back as they texted away on their own cell phones.
And what of the effect of habitual cell phone use on the development of social skills and friendships with real live friends? Last year, the New York Times ran a piece on kids' reliance on electronics and cited a study that found half of American teenagers send an average of 50 text messages a day. Of that number, 54% stated they are more likely to text friends than speak to them face-to face.
Experts quoted in the article raised provocative questions about how the frequent use of calling and texting affects a child's ability to learn the subtle but vital aspects of social interaction: reading facial gestures, understanding emotional nuance, developing empathy. Of course, this is a greater concern for shy or awkward kids who are unsure how to navigate the social landscape -- and may substitute texting for genuine interaction -- than it is for gregarious young people who rely on calling and texting to maintain friendships or make plans to get together in real time.
And then there's the effect on writing, grammar, forming thoughts: how will years of tapping out brief messages sans legitimate punctuation -- "were going 2 movie b4 dinner c u soon" -- impact expository writing and critical thinking skills, or even the ability to grow up and be an interesting dinner party conversationalist?
"Safety concerns" is a reason I've heard some parents give to justify buying a cell phone for a child. And for a teen out at the mall with friends, this seems legitimate. What mother wouldn't want to know that her teen has not been lured away by Jerry Sandusky but has emerged, innocence in tact, from the movie theater with his posse of pals, ready to be retrieved?
The safety reason doesn't apply to Franny, however. She is only nine, nowhere near old enough to be deposited in a public place unchaperoned. Until recently I would have told you that giving her a cell phone would do more harm than good.
That conviction crumbled a few days before Christmas when my husband, who is wary of giving kids too much electronics time, turned to me and said: "We should get Franny a cell phone." And I replied, with a resigned shoulder slump: "Okay."
Atticus and I had both grown weary of the increasingly frequent texts from my ex-husband, ostensibly to my daughter, but subtextually to me. Prince is just the teensiest bit flamboyant, so his messages to Franny were doused with multiple "I love yous!!!!!!!!" and "I can't wait to see yous!!!!!!!!" and "Love, Dad xxxxxxxooooooos." Upon receiving one of these texts, Franny would grab my phone and off the two of them would go on a protracted text exchange that would end only when I announced, "it's time for dinner" or "I need my phone back."
I have never texted a personal message to Franny on her dad's cell phone. If I need to talk to her, I'll call her dad or text him to have her call me. To me, texting Franny on her dad's phone to tell her how much I love her or to tantalize her with all the fun things we're going to do when I see her feels show-offy. Plus, texting her when she's with her dad seems intrusive. The two of them deserve their time
