Your post made me cry. (Cheesy, I know, but I can't help it.)

Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants

I think your conclusion in this post is right on the money. Abortion is a symptom, not a disease. It's a symptom of sex ed programs that are inadequate, of poverty, of disintegrating restraint in the media. If we work together to fix those problems - which I think almost everyone, regardless of abortion-specific views, can agree are problems - then I bet we would see significant decline in the need to discuss the legality of abortion.

...I would like to see you deliver this speech from a podium, Maria:

What I would love to see is that we focus our energy towards loving women.

Loving them enough to ensure that every woman has sex only when they are fully capable of choosing to do so and fully capable of making choices regarding pregnancy. That no woman has sex because she lacks self esteem, because she thinks it is the only way she will be loved, because she was physically and emotionally abused and is acting out, because she is forced in any way.

That no woman does not use birth control because she cannot buy it, because she cannot afford it, because her partner is controlling and will not allow her to use it or refuses to use it himself. That no woman be forced to give birth when it would risk her life or prevent her from having wanted children in the future. That no woman be faced with the fear that raising a child when she is not equipped with the resources or support to do so will destroy her.

That we try our best to ensure that children are not brought unwanted into a life of poverty, neglect and abuse. That we recognize that most forms of birth control are not 100% perfect and that we support further development of safe, reliable, reversible forms of contraception. That we do not fool ourselves into believing that children born when they are desperately not wanted and because contraception fails are somehow likely to magically grow up healthy, happy and whole and be President someday when they are raised by a parent who tried to prevent their conception because they are aware that they were inadequately equipped to raise them. It could happen but realistically, probably will not.

That we recognize that our systems for adoption and foster care are not adequate and if we truly want to ensure that even those women who do not choose abortion and offer their children the hope of a better life through adoption we must work to fix those institutions.

Amen.

I won't repeat what I said to Shannon, but I can tell you that I am prouder than ever to be associated with this community after reading your post.

Thank you.

Lisa Stone
BlogHer Co-founder
Surfette

Of note, I am pro-choice and stated why on the previous post regarding this matter. However...

Your point is almost on-mark. So close.

That we recognize that our systems for adoption and foster care are not adequate and if we truly want to ensure that even those women who do not choose abortion and offer their children the hope of a better life through adoption we must work to fix those institutions.

My relinquished daughter does not have a better life. She has a different life than she would have had with me as her everyday mother. You will find many birth mothers, even ones who do not have the same regrets that I have regarding placement, whose children did not have "better" lives. When we try to sell adoption as a "hope of a better life," we are doing a disservice to expectant mothers and fathers considering placement. We should be telling them, so very honestly, that adoptive families divorce, get ridiculously awful illnesses like cancer, experience financial hardship and even die. Just like every other family. They need to understand and digest that information in order to make that fully informed decision. Without that information, regrets are just a realization and revelation away. The "better life" is often a myth for the mother who is simply experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and doesn't know if she can be a good parent. (Also be aware that the average age of a mother who places her child for adoption is not a teen but a woman in her early twenties.)

It's little issues like this that further prove how ingrained adoption is as a "good answer to a bad problem" in our society. We're not talking about just changing the structure of the foster and adoption systems (which is also necessary in these reform movements!). We're talking about changing our country's minds about what single motherhood is, what a birth mother is and why both are okay. The stigmas that follow both are ridiculous. I am an amazing parent. I would have been to my daughter as well.

Jumping back to the rest of your post? Amazing. I'm sorry I took issue with one little set of words that you probably didn't know rub many birth mothers and biological fathers the wrong way. I wasn't so much ranting at you as I was ranting at a society that refuses to listen to the issues that others like me are experiencing... and others will continue to experience until agencies, attorneys and others are all acting in ethical manners with expectant parents considering adoption. Coercion is still alive and "well" and won't be going away until someone starts holding these groups accountable.

-
Jenna
Stop, Drop and Blog
Birth/First Parent Blog
The Chronicles of Munchkin Land

What a well reasoned, well stated and thorough statement! It was a pleasure to read.

Thoughtfully and rationally stated : )

(and long live the ecusa!)

A commenter at my post earlier today wondered if there was really any point in having this discussion, since so many of us aren't going to change our deeply-held views. But the dialogue matters, and I do think it's important to hear other views.

Clearly, you put great thought into your post, Maria. Thank you for speaking your mind.

Shannon @ Rocks In My Dryer
BlogHer Contributing Editor, Mommy and Family
rocksinmydryer.typepad.com
bloggygiveaways.com

Of anything new or different to say except Thank You. Now I know exactly where to point people when I need to tell them exactly why I'm pro-choice. I also agree in particular with the section Lisa Stone highlighted - absolutely prime-time podium.

Thank you.
Jill
Writes Like She Talks

Amen. We don't hear that enough in this country!

Wow. I have nothing else to add but thank you.

Excellent post Maria.

I think it's great how the women of BlogHer can have a dialog like this. You don't find this kind of respect happening anywhere else in the blogosphere...I am very happy (and proud) to be part of the wonderful community of women here.

Contributing Editor Catherine Morgan
CatherineBlogs, The Political Voices of Women, Care2 Election Blog

This was so well-written, I couldn't help but comment to offer you kudos.

Stephanie
http://quirkyblogger.com

In a world where women are still bought and sold.....murdered by husbands and husbands families, where children are still sold into slavery,where birth control is hard to come by depending on the religious views of your pharmacist or care provider, where reproductive issues are still all over the place and controlled more by doctors than the women doing the reproduction.....making abortion illegal would a slippery slope....it IS sadly an issue that has to be politicized until people can get past the emotional and religious side of it all.

I have two children. And have had 3 pregnancies.....while I cannot imagine having an abortion -only because I have not been in those shoes ......I will fight for a woman's right to chose that path....

Look for me at http://crunchycarpets.com or check out the ladies at www.wetcoastwomen.com

I was going to post yesterday on Shannon's pro-life piece but I couldn't bring myself to since I (respectfully) disagree with her.

I've spent 13 years of my life defending (US Army Combat Engineers - hoo yah!) the right of every person in our country to make (and live with) their own choices. I have become fearful that there are people (politicians) here who seriously consider taking away that freedom and forcing their choices on others (the needs of society not withstanding).

I don't believe that the rights of a fetus begin at conception, even if life does, or are more important than the rights of the mother. However I also believe that, being male, my position on the issue is academic at best. Various posts here have shown me that there may arise situations where my position becomes more critical (I don't recall the post but a husband had to choose whether to lose both his wife and her baby).

To me it is much more important that each person be allowed to make their own choice and have healthy, safe, dependable options to carry that choice out. And having a good place to discuss the issue with intelligent people who can present their position helps move the issue along paths that will bring us to a better place, as Maria has so eloquently put. So thank you both, Maria and Shannon, for your posts. :)

Jim Heivilin