Why It Really Doesn't Matter If We Agree With Candace Bure On Biblical Submission

Because of my own hot-headed, prideful selfishness; along with my very unhealthy skewed view of the entire male population, for about the first nine years or so of our marriage, I resisted anyone leading me, even my husband most times. And wondered if maybe I should have spared us both and just stayed single.

I did not have a man who abused or ran around on me. Those things of course, would have changed the whole game.

Though he wasn't perfect, here I was with a man who literally could not have shown deep love and care for me any better. And I would not even rest in him because I was hell bent on not submitting. Ask me, and I could make hand you a list of a few horrible situations we walked through  in our marriage that I am positive could have been avoided if I had listened to my husband's guiding, trusted his leadership and not insisted that we do things my way.

Why wouldn't I submit?

Control & Insecurity.

I was afraid that submission equals losing control and becoming the weaker one.

But in fact, true submission requires an abundant amount of strength, and a healthy dose of confidence in who you are.

But me, I had been too emotionally and spiritually immature to understand what true submission means, much less how to live it.


Truly, there are far too few men who even possess the capacity to love a women like that. Nonetheless, that is what Christ himself intended and designed for marriage, and Candace Bure' was referring to when she used the term "Biblical submission."

Although I greatly respect and admire much of her views and writings, I cannot agree with Sarah Bessey's argument that marriage should be a mutual submission to one another.

A man who is in his rightful place and loves the wife as he should (as Christ loved the church) will have no need mutually submit to his wife.

Imagine if you will, the husband saying to Christ, "I have decided I'm willing to submit to you because that is the natural order of things - you know, you created the Universe, died for mankind and rose again and all. But I think it would be best if you also submit to me and we have this little uh, mutual submission thing....Yeah, that would just work better for me."


You can't show me a successful marriage in which the woman leads, or one in which she expects her husband to submit to her. And if there was such a man, what woman in her right man would want him? There is nothing more attractive than a man who carries himself in tender, loving authority.

Passive, woman-whipped push-overs might make fun boyfriends to teen girls, but they make terrible husbands to grown women.

Obviously, there should be mutual respect given and times in which the man will (and should) give ear to his wife and always take her thoughts, opinions and feelings into consideration. A wise man would do this!

In reality, this conversation only applies to marriage between two believers. Because a man who does not have the love of Christ in Him, literally cannot love his wife as she should be loved. 

But when he does possess that capacity, marriage can and should be lived out in this way.

Just as we submit and surrender to Christ out of our response to His love towards us, the same is true with submission in marriage. Submission is our natural response coming from a heart for him, not because we need another rule to follow.

In a perfect world, maybe there would have been no such thing, or any need for submission. But what we sometimes fail to remember is this - The fall changed everything. 

Then he said to the woman, I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you. - Genesis 3:16

And then there are the ones who don't believe in the actual literalcy of Scripture. I've wrestled with this for some time and the only conclusion I came to about that issue is this;

If only some of it is true, then none of it is true.

And then I realized that if I took that stance, I'd have to scrap the whole thing and admit that it was all one of the cruelest hoaxes humanity had ever propagated or endured.

"Marriage is an external expression of the Gospel. It is meant to be a picture of Christ and the church."


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