Do We Use Our Kids As An Excuse? (Are You Sure?)

Childless, or not, I don't think anyone should feel obligated to lie to get out of things if they really don't want to do them. Period. Just not wanting to do something should be a legitimate excuse. Our culture is so obsessed with wanting to please others that we feel obligated to have a lengthy explanation ready if we don't say, "Yes." Our families, as it turns out, do legitimately make it more difficult to attend events at times, or even make us more tired so that we just don't want to go, etc. But to be fair, I think most women also use them as an easy out - because it's easier than saying, "No, thanks. I'm not interested." That was one thing I loved about the people I met on my study abroad in Austria. If people there didn't want to do something, they just said, "No." No blame. No half-truths. Simple as that. I can appreciate the disparity in treatment you feel, Eleanore. Interesting blog post. :)

That applies to SAHMoms too - they couldn't possibly understand what I had to do instead of what they wanted me to do. Never mind I had three kids under 5, one of the special needs. People would call me assuming I wouldn't mind watching their kids, or picking something up, or making a meeting. So yes, I used my family as an excuse when they just wouldn't take an honest no, thank you for an answer!

I wasn't done with my thought. I agree with you though, that it IS BS that a family related excuse is never questioned but anything else and people give you grief. I was without child once and I was also single. Shockingly, unlike some, I remember my life before! And you are right, it WAS a lot harder to get out of things then because what was I going to say if they kept pressuring me or when they ask, "What do you have better to do?" Most of the time when I was at that point of my life I DIDN'T have anything better to do. I just didn't want to do whatever they were asking me to. But of course wanting to just go home and sit on my butt eating mac and cheese out of the pot watching my DVRed soap operas wasn't a good enough excuse. ;)

I'm not offended by your opinion at all. I've used my son and husband as an excuse at times, particularly when people are being overly pushy because I've already said NO to something they wanted me to do. If they won't let it go, I've totally used the family card. It is probably taking advantage of the fact that I know they won't give me a hard time after that, but it gets them off my back.

Wow! Touched a nerve, didn't I? As it should be; that's what a good blog post does. I'm guessing that some of the more reactionary responders didn't read the post carefully because they should have been able to discern the difference between Little Annie really being sick vs. using her as an excuse to get out of something because they don't have the guts (or what you might pretend is grace) to say "no, I just don't want to".
The real point of the post though, is that "nobody questions it" because a family-related excuse is always acceptable.
And what's with all the name-calling? I'm thinking some of the strongest reactions are from people who are feeling a little guilty about being called out! I know: you're a mother, you're exhausted...and a little sensitive.

I'm not "hating" on her. Yes, I CHOSE to have children, three of them, and to get married. And I respect anyone else's choice to do either or neither of those things. I am perfectly capable and willing to say "no" to things I don't want to do, without using family as a reason, and do so frequently. I understand her perspective (I wasn't always a wife and mother), but the piece came across to me as snarky, whiny, and immature. I don't expect others to pick up my slack if an emergency occurs. I know full well that all of my usual responsibilities will be waiting on me, plus whatever else has accrued in the meantime.

And why are the mothers hating on her so harshly? Why is she "whiney" because she doesn't think its fair that kids are the "perpetual excuse" as she puts it? I love how people with kids act like the childless are so much less important to the world. Just because I dint feel the need to produce a child in an already overpopulated world does not make me whiney, cranky, ignorant, or self-centered.

Having to use family as an excuse to get out of things is NOT setting boundaries. That's lying and using them as an excuse--exactly what the writer is talking about. Oh, and it teaches your kids that lying is ok too. Dont be mad that she's called you out on it. And I'm sorry, but it is a CHOICE to have children. In this day and age, there is no excuse for anyone getting pregnant if they don't want to. I refuse to grant automatic excuses to those with children. I see people at my job get better treatment, shifts, excused from absences, etc because of their kids. Why is a sick kid a better excuse not to come to work than me being sick myself? So tired of everyone treating mothers like saints. If you don't like your "job" as a mother, then why did you choose it?

Wow, is she celebrating no-husband, no-kids adulthood, or berating others for their lifestyle choices? And heck yes, I use my family as an excuse to say no - most of the time I would just rather be with them anyway! But I also don't have a problem saying "no" outright for whatever reason. It's a life skill to be able to set BOUNDARIES!

I'm with you, Denise. There's a difference between a legitimate REASON and an excuse. As a mother and wife, my family is my first priority. However, they are not my only interest, hobby, or the only thing I'm capable of talking about. Maybe Spinsterlicious need to reconsider how to approach a conversation with other females in general and not assume that just because one has a family, that that is not all she is capable or willing to converse about.

I'm a childless woman who has had to cover shifts before at various jobs because of other women having to take care of their children. Most of the time I didn't mind but there were a few women who would use their children as an excuse to take a lot of time off, time off that there is no way I could have gotten if I had needed to do something. Not all women automatically become angelic people once they give birth.

wow! some whiny childless woman wants to gripe because I can't make it out due to my childs fever! Wow...I'm a horrible person because I want to take care of my sick child! :P sounds like she's just spouting off cranky ignorance...I used to feel the same way when I was single and childless and my entire world revolved around me and my inability to say no! :P