Why, Oh Why, Won't My Kid Swim?

I used to teach swimming lessons, so I thought THAT was the best way to learn. Then I had my own kids. I taught them until they figured out all my tricks. Then I signed them up for lessons with friends (and sometimes strangers). But through it all, we found time to just play at the pool. That meant me NOT showing them ANYTHING. Just PLAYING in the pool. No lesson, all fun.

You know what I discovered? THAT was more beneficial than any of the lessons they'd taken, or I'd ever taught. Through play, they relaxed on their own schedule. At first, they would only play ankle deep while I sat in the water. Then it was deeper, then it was dragging through the water. Then I bought the swim goggles and there was something to SEE under there! My first daughter spent the last 45 minutes of our rec swim looking underwater, coming up for breath, then looking around again the day I handed over the goggles. While looking, she relaxed so much that her little feet lifted off the pool bottom and she just floated around - albeit like a jellyfish, but I'll take any float I can get!

Relax, try not to push or worry, and carve out some time to go to the pool with the SOLE intention of playing WITH your emergent swimmers. They'll get there! I promise!

Jen

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I live in FL and have always had a pool right out of the back door.  When my son was born, it was of paramount importance that he learn to swim.  I had him signed up for the ISR (Infant Swimming Resource) program when he was nine months old and he HATED it.  He screamed in the pool and was completely uncooperative (resulting in it taking twice the normal time to finish the program).  It got to the point where he knew when I was changing him to go to the program, and he'd start screaming before I got him in the car.  This resulted in making him afraid of the water.  I kept up with the ISR for another round, but didn't want my son to be terrified.  I took another tactic with him and decided to make the pool fun.  I allowed him to use flotation devices (severely frowned upon by the ISR community and other parents who tend to be a bit sanctimonious).  I supervised him incredibly closely in using flotation devices...but he had fun and at least liked being in the water again.  The summer that he was 3 1/2, he went to a camp that provided Red Cross lessons.  While he was still in flotation in our pool, he had lessons at camp.  One late July day, completely on his own, he decided that he was done with flotation.  He has been swimming on his own ever since.  Incidentally, he was the first kid of his age in our neighborhood who was able to actually swim on his own.

To keep his skills, when the pool got too cold (we don't have a heater), I enrolled him for weekly swimming lessons at a local indoor pool.  It kept him interested and excited until our pool was warm enough for swimming.

I do not mean to disrespect the ISR or similar programs at all.  They totally worked for most of the families that used them.  I would start with them again, absolutely.  My son was definitely the exception.  However, it was clear to me that this prescribed path was not working for him and, given the pool right outside my door (even with the child fence),he really needed to learn how to swim.

He said, "Watch, now she'll take up competitive swimming. AND THEN YOU'LL BE SORRY."

Rita Arens writes at Surrender Dorothy ( http://surrenderdorothy.typepad.com ) and BlogHer and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ).

I decided when I had kids they would take lessons right away.  I think for safety reasons they should be able to save themselves if they ever fell into water.  So I dutifully signed my son up.  Little did I know the monster I was creating!  He's now 15 and is what I can only describe as a "Hard Core" swimmer.  He lives and breathes it.  He's up at 5am (which means I'M up at 5am) to go to practice before school. He's even up at 5 to go to practice in the summer.  Then he returns to the pool for an evening practice.   Our weekends are spent at swim meets... really hot, long swim meets.  Periodically we travel to other states for him to swim at meets, really hot, long swim meets.  I keep saying that I'm going to make a t-shirt that says, "I used to have a life, then I became a swim mom"!  So, be careful what you wish for!

(This is meant all in fun-my son loves swimming and I was actually a child swimmer so I knew full well what we were getting into!)  

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I completely endorse your decision to put her with a private teacher. You're absolutely right: swimming is a survival skill, at the very least.  I just wrote today about not being able to ride a bike until I was 12, but bike riding is optional, in my opinion.  Swimming is not negotiable.

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Last night my daughter had her best lesson yet. She pushed off from the side of the pool by herself and floated on her back by herself. I'm so intensely relieved.

For her, it was all mental. She was physically capable of swimming long before she got comfortable with the idea of putting her head in. I think it's all about the right teacher -- keep trying until you find one that connects with your kid.

Rita Arens writes at Surrender Dorothy ( http://surrenderdorothy.typepad.com ) and BlogHer and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ).

I have been able to swim- inspite of years of lessons. In fact, I had to take a swimming class in college in order to graduate. Fortunately, I did not have to demonstrate swimming skills to graduate.

I don't know if it was my very-skinny build when I was younger; negative buoyancy was a lot to overcome. So congratulations on getting your daughter to give it a try. I've given up.

Debra
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My daughter is 4 1/2 and she won't put her face in the water, either. She loves the swimming pool, but she wants to keep her hair dry thankyouverymuch. It's a struggle for me, because on the one hand I don't want to push her to the point that it makes it no fun. That would just exacerbate the issue. But on the other hand I think that knowing how to swim is important, it's a survival skill like you said. And I want her to learn how.

I'm encouraged that as your daughter got older she was more willing to get her face and hair wet. I'm hoping that will be the case for mine, too, and soon.

~ Amber

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I like Sassymonkey was also a late swimmer. I actually didn't properly learn until I was in my twenties. Unlike Sassymonkey mine wasn't due to the environment but a fear of water.

As a child I too hated having baths and showers, or more specifically hated the sensation of water being poured over my face. Hair washing was a nightmare when I was young. I can remember my parents trying different methods such as only using a sponge to rinse shampoo from my hair, using a very mild, no sting, shampoo and even trying a shield similar to that used on dogs to stop them scratching themselves. I still screamed!

It was only when I met someone who had also learnt to swim late, but had mastered it to start Scuba Diving, that I finally started going regularly to the swimming baths. Gradually I overcame my fear enough to snorkel, scuba dive and even swim in the ocean. 

Maturity and familiarity with the sensation of the water worked best for me so I would agree that you should persevere. Thankfully my children are nowhere near as bad as I was.

Jane

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My nephew had a very hard time with going in the pool-that was until I slowly sat with him for an hour in the shallow end, ocassionally spalshing him, so he could get used to the temperature. Eventually, I grabbed him and showed him that the water was ok and kept him near so he felt safe. Now, we can't get him out of the water.

Just like everyone else is saying: being consistent will get her to love the water. Just takes patience and time. 

Bree Cummings-Vazquez
BlackDaisyProject

Just like Sassymonkey, I had a hard time learning to swim. I eventually learned, but I'm not a good swimmer. I think swimming requires coordination that not all people have. You should not give up of course - it's an important skill and everyone can acquire it to some degree - but some people are simply not meant to be good swimmers. 

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I think I failed beginner swimming three times. It wasn't because I was scared of the water. Nope. Not me. It was because I was learning to swim in the ocean, I was a scrawny child and I kept getting booted out of the water because I was showing signs of hypothermia. For real. I was very jealous of people who took swimming lessons in pools.

Too this day I'm not as good a swimmer as I'd like to be and I think it's because I learned so late.

Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca/ ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca/ ).

My daughter had a very difficult time learning to swim. She began her lessons at 3 and I actually had to leave her at the Y and not be around because of how difficult she was.  Perseverance and not being there (I put her father on that duty) helped.

My niece took 5 summers before she learned how to swim.  Finally she did and started acting as though there's never been a problem. 

Congrats on getting your daughter this far - if you persevere she will learn this important skill. Because I never learned to swim, I was determined that both my children did.  We took my son, the younger of the two, to swimming lessons beginning at 6 and he learned quickly.

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Good and plenty!