Why we say, "I do"......when we realize after the ceremony we needed to say, "I don't".
The hoopla of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries 72 day marriage has taken over entertainment news. The statement given by Kim Kardashian was that their irreconcilable differences stemmed from Kris's desire to move to Minnesota and be closer to family. The trouble is, that with her career, family, and connections, moving away from L.A. could essentially put a crimp in her/their income. When she expressed her concerns on their reality show Kris's response to her moving to Minnesota was "don't worry, once you have kids and they become school aged, no one will care about you anyways!" Not quite the noble response to a valid concern. But the confusing aspect of this is that this issue had come up prior to the wedding. In fact, Kim in her personal blog actually posted that she knew that she needed to back out of the relationship before they charged the alter, but she was so ready to share her life with someone, and once the wedding was announced, was afraid of letting so many people down if she backed out. I really took a second to digest what she wrote. And realized..she hit the nail on the head with how people find themselves in broken relationship for years, race down the aisle to say their vows, and in a short amount of time, realize that the honeymoon is over before it's over. How many of us have stayed in a relationship way past it's expiration date..maybe you were never married or maybe you were, but you knew it was quitting time and you stayed in it? I know personally I have made similar mistakes in relationships before I was married. Why? For me, the truth is simply because I didn't want to live my life alone. I really wanted to share my life with someone. And by-golly, I'm not a quitter! And sadly to say, because I was in love and desired companionship, I also started to think that some of the issues in the relationship that we didn't see eye to eye on could be changed in time. Boy, what a foolish thing that was for me to think, and I can say I wasted years of my life waiting for change that never happened. What do I mean by this? Well, there is a true difference between someone leaving the toilet seat up versus not wanting to have kids. There are so many things in relationships that become crucial to determining if your marriage or relationship will be able to withstand the test of time: careers goals, religion, finances, family, role expectations, etc. The problem that occurs here is that if you don't have a foundation of core principles that you stand on together, the issues that will bring you together as a couple, then it's hard to make it when life happens and you have no ground to stand on. But it's really easy to be blinded by your love with someone and idealistic that somehow all of this will iron itself out once your hitched. It's a bitter pill to swallow but true that core principles, expectations, and personal beliefs rarely change. Staying in a relationship hoping that person will change...will only cause you a lot of heart ache, frustration, and pain. The problem for many is that even though there are big problems the comfort that you have in staying is there, and the thought of leaving now with the time and effort and emotions that you have invested in this, is the equivalent of getting a scab ripped off...except this one is attached to your heart. That's when two things happen. Either you get brave and work up the courage to cut your losses, or you dive even deeper into the mess your in...and when you dive in, you find yourself in a room, getting makeup put on, hair done up, the white dress on, and hundreds of people waiting for you at your wedding. You know in your gut that you really aren't sure if this is right...but what if it's just jitters?...you think in your mind over all the issues that you have in your relationship, you get nervous, but then you think to yourself...maybe they'll change in time?...maybe it will all work out in the wash?...and then you think of the shame and embarrassment of having to tell all the people at the wedding that you're calling it off, you imagine all the looks of disappointment, maybe your mom even cries, and the look of hatred that the grooms side will have...and you buckle...you are marching down that aisle...possibly even running down it...there's no turning back now...and that's how it happens. You say I do, only to turn around and say, I changed my mind, "I don't." As harsh as we can be on others in this circumstance, as easy as it is to shake our head and wag our fingers and say..."she should have known?!" "how did she not see this as an issue"...but many of us are guilty of doing the very same thing...making the same mistakes, for the same reasons. Have you had a similar issue in a relationship? Were you able to work it out? Or did you have to end it? Why did you stay in it as long as you did? I know why I did, I'd love to hear your story.