Why Won't you Date Black Women!?

From The New York Times, “A new study shows that more and more black men are marrying women of other races. In fact, more than 1 in 5 black men who wed (22 percent) married a non-black woman in 2008. This compares with about 9 percent of black women, and represents a significant increase for black men — from 15.7 percent in 2000 and 7.9 percent in 1980.  Sociologists said the rate of black men marrying women of other races further reduces the already-shrunken pool of potential partners for black women seeking a black husband.”

I was going through my extremely full DVR and I came across last week’s episode of the Millionaire Matchmaker.  For those who don’t know I am a huge Eagles fan.  So when I saw that Freddie Mitchell was going to be the millionaire I was excited.  My excitement was put on a major hold when he stated his “preference.”  He decide to perpetuate the Black male athlete stereotype of going after White or Latina (aka Exotic) women.  Side note- Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson is once of the most disgusting men ever.  How do you attempt to justify your clear discrimination against Black women as simply a “preference.”  I hope he ends up alone in a nursing home.   I also hope that his Black daughters never visit him there. How can anyone close themselves off to a whole segment of the population?  I wasn’t surprised by him preference I was just disappointed.  I was also disappointed that Patti Stanger didn’t ask him about his preference, or challenge his preference. Perhaps the reason why he is single is because he is a close minded cave man with unjust judgements.  Sorry, I am going to try and speak on this topic without getting angry, but I already feel my blood boiling…  I just want to know when is became okay for Black men to parade their lack of attraction towards their own to the world.  No wonder there are so many single Black women.  If men from our own race don’t want us, what are we supposed to expect from men outside of our race.  Don’t get me wrong, I know we Black women aren’t perfect.  I had a post beating up on us, “I’m a Shallow Single Black Female, By Choice.” So now I’m turning my sights to Black men; the Black men who don’t want to date Black women.

I want to clarify a few things before I get rolling on my thoughts.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with interracial dating.  However, I do not approve of discrimination. 

ONE, When did Black become ordinary?  I don’t understand this new “exotic” obsession.  Also, if we are looking at statistics, Black is more exotic than being Hispanic.  There are more Hispanics than Blacks in the United States so uhh… I’m going to keep thinking that I am a rare breed.

TWO, Most of the men who date and eventually procreate with non-black women end up having daughters, Black daughters.  How can you look your daughter in the face and say that she’s beautiful when you’ve shunned every Black woman you’ve come in contact with?  This is so unbelievably troubling for me… Imagine being a young girl and your father only gives his attention to women who look nothing like you.  This thought just makes me want to cry.  I… I have no words…

THREE, Did you forget about the woman that carried you for 9 months, gave birth to you, fed you, clothed you, sent you to college? Was she not beautiful enough? Was she not strong enough? What about her role as mother turned you off?  If not your mother, your aunts, your sisters, your female cousins… What Black woman did you wrong?  I wouldn’t mind my son marrying a White girl,but if he only dated White girls I would feel like I did something wrong.  What did I do as a mother that made you so opposed to women likeme?  This thought make me want to cry too!  I just feel like a son should see his mother as the most beautiful woman in the world, and… idk…

FOUR, You must have serious self-esteem issues if you can’t date someone of the same race.  Actually, you must have serious self-hate issues if you can’t date someone of the same race.  Do you cringe when you look in the mirror? You must.

FIVE, Not every Black girl is the same.  We come in a variety of shades.  We are all around the world.  We are rich. We are poor.  We are college educated and high school educated.  We can emote a range of emotions: not just bitter and high maintenance.  Often times when interrogated as to why they only date White women, we the listener are treated to a long list of why Black women are so undesirable.  We never really hear why White women are so desirable.  All we hear is, “Black women have attitudes.  Black women are gold-diggers.  Black women are high maintenance… Blah Blah Blah!”  We never hear, “White women are really nice.  White women seem to really understand my personality…”  We never hear the positives that white women provide.  This is not to say that White women have nothing to give, because they do.  It just highlights the inherent self-hate so deeply seated within the man.  The inherent hate for the woman that gave him and THE WORLD life.

follow @AlesiaMichelle and visit www.RealTalk123.com

Amendment: August 20,2011

So for some reason this post has become more popular.  I wrote the post in January and over time it has become one of my most popular posts.  I worte this post a while ago and from the looks of the comments I need to make myself more clear.  I am not against interracial dating.  Love is love and attraction is a key part of that.  But, discrimination is discrimination.  When someone completely rules out one demographic for dating it is discrimination.  If you look at some of my more recent post you see that I myself am pretty much open to love… No matter what package it comes in.  I tried to inject some humor into this post as well so please notice the tagline on my site.  This post was definitely a rant of sorts, but a rant against discrimination, not against interracial dating.


In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.

Recent Posts by AlesiaMichelle