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Sparkle (8)
They keep asking when you're going to "tie the knot." Never mind that you've launched a successful business or recently received a well-deserved promotion. Never mind that you have published a book. Never mind that you discovered a new species. Never mind that you volunteer tirelessly in your community and treat your friends like gold. None of that matters. You're a woman and as such, the ultimate achievement for you is to have someone put a ring on it.
After my divorce, I married myself. Photo by Paula Gould..
You've never dreamt of an aqua-blue ring box, and when you ran across Tracy McMillan's blog post listing the six reasons why so many women who want a husband are still unmarried, you rolled your eyes. When she got a book deal, you worried about the culture in which you live. Now that there's talk of a TV show, you feel compelled to make a rebuttal.
You've had your share of long-term relationships. Some ended painfully, but all of them taught you something important about yourself and about your expectations in a mate. You know that the reason you're not married doesn't mean there is anything wrong with men or with you. The truth is that you don't live your life with marriage as the pinnacle. These are the six reasons why.
1. You're a Bitch.
You provide for yourself and you don't expect anyone to help you. You work hard on your career and you budget to ensure that you can cover your costs. You don't think it's appropriate to accept a date with a person you don't know if you like just because "hey, it's a free dinner!" You value your time and you respect other people's time enough not to waste it by leading them on. You buy your own dinner and your own drinks.
You know what you want and you won't settle for less. When people do things you think are inappropriate, you let them know. When people call you petty, you stand your ground. You don't dumb yourself down or sweeten yourself up to coddle the fragile egos of other people, male or female. You live your life and your conscience is at peace. You are true to yourself.
2. You're Shallow.
You have expectations and boundaries and you won't compromise them just so you can slap on someone else's last name. Some people call you shallow for wanting the company of a man or woman who loves opera as much as you, or who is in the same industry as you, or who understands how much you value what you do, even if it doesn't pay as much as other careers, or someone who is -- god forbid! -- as attractive to you as you are to him or her. You know love is more than these things, but you accept that these are things that matter to you and you don't compromise them just so you can put on a white dress and pretend you're the center of the universe for one day.
3. You're a Slut.
You have sex with people you want to have sex with. You're not ashamed of your body or sexual needs and neither do you accept that being sexual turns you into the neurotransmitter equivalent of a heroin junkie. In fact, you're such a bitch (see 1), that you've read the scientific literature relating to the role of oxytocin in sex and you know that the argument presented by Tracy McMillan on the topic is a cheap scare tactic to destroy your right to do with your body as you see fit.
Yes, sometimes love hurts! Sometimes love is not returned. Sometimes love fades. You're aware of these things. That's why you'd never consider committing to anything unless you felt he or she was on the same page about the things that matter to you: because you know that it takes more than chemicals and hormones to build something that lasts. Having sex on the first date or waiting until the fourth date doesn't change the person you're with. Ultimately, if you fit together, you'll find yourselves walking through life together, even if your relationship was initially casual.
You know too that it might not last, which is why you don't take people for granted. You work hard on communication to ensure that you work through the problems that you can work through and to ensure that if you should ever arrive at a point where you can no longer walk side-by-side, that
