Why You Should Rethink Your Boss's Friend Request

Absolutely. I hadn't even thought of that example--having someone else announce your pregnancy on your wall before you were ready (or your divorce, et al).

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

I think it's totally ok to announce you lost your job on your own facebook wall, but those kinds of personal announcements are things you get to choose to share or not. It would also be a violation if somebody else announced your pregnancy or breakup or any big news on your wall instead of waiting for you to.

Some news needs to be shared privately before it goes public, and only one person is allowed to share their private lives with their own friends.

I don't know if I can agree with the idea that we bring an online firing upon ourselves simply by having a Facebook account. I think there will always be a period of time where we're figuring out the etiquette of a new way of communicating as well as people who abuse that even after etiquette is set.

I don't know the reality and scope (whether it will last indefinitely or is more of an urban legend at this point) of dirtyphonebook, but as is, it sounds like a terrible idea.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

I feel as we continue to grow as a society, we are proving to depend more and more on social media. Everyday the line of  friend and professional relationship starts to become extremely blurred and more difficult to determine.  With platforms such as facebook and twitter, our personal lives are open to the public including our bosses.  We create these situations, such as getting fired on facebooks, for ourselves when we open our once extremely private lives  to the whole world.  It shouldn't come as a suprise when you hear of conduct like this becoming more popular and in time might even be considered the "norm", similar to breaking up with someone through a text message (it happens- A LOT)

My concern arises when you don't voluntarily put your self out there in the social relm but someone takes it upon themselves to do it for you.  Techcrunch just published an article about the people version of YELP, dirtyphonebook.com allows anyone to post anything about you on your 10 digit phone number  for the world to see, everyone is now under a microscope of judgement and review that can't be controlled. What happens when my boss sees my number and finds something he doesn't like or vice-versa???

I think some jobs lend themselves better to that lack of coding.  I used to work as a professor and my students were the equivilant of an employee since school was their job at that point in their life (and if they had a TAship and I was overseeing them, I truly was their boss in the financial sense).  I didn't want them to just be themselves around me.  I wanted them to relax with their friends and then present a serious side to me.  Would it have been appropirate for me to know that they weren't working on grading papers but instead was out drinking the night before?  Would it have been appropriate for them to see risque pictures of me?

Er...though I don't think I was interesting enough to have risque photos taken.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

http://www.brendasblogfromparaguay.com/

I kind of appreciate the openness and transparency that social media affords us.  Its a lot harder today to be one person at home and a different person at work, we are who we are and we need to stay consistent in all walks of our life.  

It also forces us to be a little nicer.  Gossip, grumbling about our bosses or coworkers can catch up to us a lot easier these days.  

Or maybe its because I am the boss. . .  (j/k, I'm not, but my boss is my friend- and despite my name I live in the US, in SF where an iPhone is just another appendage) 

Oooh, he was totally unprofessional too, BUT what can a person that foolish expect?  The Internet is never a private space--even the most private spaces of the Internet are not a private space.  And I think generations just entering the work force are confusing friending with actual friends.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

That's a crazy story! And you have to feel badly for the young woman in question. But last summer, there was a another "why you should be careful on Facebook" story, also out of the UK.

Here's a screenshot: http://www.flakebook.com/status-updates/my-boss-is...

The bottom line is that complaining about your job/boss online is a high risk activity. In this case, of course, it was only the boss/supervisor being an idiot online. The girl made a mistake on the job, which may or may not have justified her being let go, but she didn't seem to have posted about it. In this case, future employers may think twice about hiring someone who thinks it is appropriate to fire someone via social networking.

Liza Barry-Kessler
Personal: LizaWasHere ( http://www.lizawashere.com/ )
Professional: Privacy Counsel LLC ( http://www.privacycounsel.net/ )

Maybe they are afraid to add you for fear of what you might think!

Whoa!  I didn't know about this filter.  Heading over to FB now, but that does help in feeling more comfortable adding a younger cousin and such.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

I thought long and hard before I added my boss to FB.  Turns out it was one of the best things I did b/c it really widened my FB community in new (and good!) ways.  It also was a great reason for me to think long and hard before each and every FB post.  (My dad is a FB friend, too, but I don't say anything that would ruffle his feathers.) 

I have recently discovered privacy filters in a drop down near where I write my status, and those have been great.  You can exclude a single friend or a group of friends you've created.  You can also post something that only a single friend (or a group you've created can see).  I have some friends who are under 18 (I work in a school), and I created a list that excludes them. 

Patience is a virtue that takes too long ( http://take3-cassandra.blogspot.com/ )

I just haven't had a lot of family members friend me.  Maybe they don't think to look for me on FB.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

I know of some people who have some of their family blocked because their family members apparently like to create drama or something to that effect. My mother has her cousins wife as her friend and apparently the woman is a little...opinionated/annoying and my mother ended up deleting her because of some of the problems she was causing. Most of our family lives out of state so we keep up with them over FB. 

Between screenshots and Google, everything can live on forever.

It is interesting that almost half of the people have answered (so far) that they have their boss blocked on Facebook.  It would be interesting to know how many have blocked family members et al.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

I have my my mother, some of her friends, my kids, young cousins and boss friended on FB. Even if they weren't on my friends list I would be careful of what I say because in the end, everything is still online and ...hello screenshots. 

Oooh, that would spice up the next office Christmas party.  "After you use your two drink tickets, you'll have to pay for any other beverage.  Please make sure that you've turned in your time sheets before you go seek out some mistletoe with your secretary.  Oh, and Hank Smith?  You're fired because you consistently suck."

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

I wouldn't add my boss on Facebook, even though I get on well with all of my managers. I feel like I have different personalities for home and work, and they should be kept as separate as possible.

Either way, it shouldn't be acceptable to fire someone via a wall posting on Facebook - that's like standing on a desk in the office and announcing it through a megaphone, or over a karaoke machine at the office Christmas party.

For all the latest neurotic behaviour and novelling tantrums, visit the blog at Jo and the Novelist ( http://joandthenovelist.blogspot.com )

Nothing I write is controversial either, but I need to learn more about the filters regardless.  Is there a way to set up your wall so they can see some status updates and not others?

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

I have lots of my bosses on Facebook. I have to believe that none of them would be tacky enough to publicly fire me on that social media site (or any other).

I have a similar posting rule like Erin (do I want my mom/boss to seed this) but I also employ filters. My mom and boss(es) don't get to see everything that I write on Facebook (not that any of it is overly controversial).

@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom ) from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com )

Or I think about how all words or pictures live on forever. Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

I didn't see the age of the manager. I was picturing her an adult, but perhaps not. Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

Truth is, she shouldn't be working for someone so unprofessional anyway, so in my opinion, she's better off.  But that is shocking that an employer would choose to use her wall to communicate this news, basically publicly shaming her.

I agree with you on the blurring between personal and professional.  It's a tricky decision to "friend" your boss on social networking sites.  My basic rule when posting though, wether I'm friends with them or not, is "would I want my mother or my boss to read this?"

Erin Groh

erin@blogher.com

Erin is a member of the BlogHer Events Team. You can find her here on BlogHer or on her personal blog, I carried a watermelon? ( http://carriedawatermelon.wordpress.com )

Though it does open the conversation about where is the status decency line. Firing is too personal. But is a pregnancy announcement? A divorce announcement? A break-up? Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

That is just plain tacky and unproffessional. I can only hope that her "manager" was a 18 year old with few life skills and not an adult.

practical advice to social media dilemmas http://friendisaverb.com

Firing someone on their Facebook wall is just -wow. Not all firings are done F2F and I'm good with that, obviously since I've been a remote employee for a gazillion years now (I really do not want to be called all the way to the home office to be let go, thanks but no thanks), but on your public wall? That is just ... wrong.

~Denise BlogHer Community Manager
Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )