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"I just want to be happy."
That's what I told my daughter. I was trying, again, to explain to her why her father and I were getting a divorce. She wanted to know why he had moved away and got a new job and a new home and a new puppy, and didn't invite us. I told her that it was just me that wasn't invited, that she and her sister were always welcome. She wanted to know why I wanted a divorce and I told her that I wasn't happy, and neither was he - that we hadn't been happy together in a very long time, and back when we were, it was sporadic.
She asked if I was happy with him when she was a baby, or when we lived together last year, or the last time we lived at grandma and papa's house before that, or when Ari was a baby. I said no. I told her honestly that I was miserable, and that even though were aspects of being married to her father that I liked, none of them were the right reasons for us to stay married.
"Shouldn't mommies and daddies be married?" she asked. I told her no. I listed examples of people she knew, people that weren't married but raising their children together, and other single mothers that we knew.
"Will it make you happy to be divorced?" she questioned, twirling her curls around her fingertips, looking up at me shyly.
"Yes."
"Ok. Then you should get divorced." she said matter-of-factly.
Later on, she wanted to know if I was going to get a new boyfriend, and how all of that would work. I told her that I would but she didn't need to worry about that. I told her she wouldn't know anything about my boyfriend for a long time, until I made sure that he was awesome enough be awesome around her because she was pretty fucking awesome. She asked if she'd have to listen to him like she does her father. I told her that he wouldn't be her father, and all she and her sister would be required to do is respect him, as they are every adult. I said that I hoped they'd all be friends, and that they'd grow to love each other because I wouldn't be happy if they all didn't.
She asked if my boyfriend would do fun things with us like going to the park and the movies and baking cupcakes. I said that I was sure he would. She declared that as long as he was fun, she would like him. "What if he doesn't like The Beatles?" I asked (with reason). Her eyes grew wide in a horrified face and she almost yelled "But who doesn't like The Beatles?!" I asked again, and she said that it would be ok, as long as he didn't mess with her iPod, but that I should try to find a boyfriend that liked them because that would make her happy.
Soon after that, she returned back to the conversation. "If you get a boyfriend and he loovveesss you, will you marrrry him?" she sing-songed. "If he asks me, and he loved me, and loved you guys too, then yes. I would." was my answer. She giggled and turned red, her hands covering her face. She wanted to know when he was my husband, what that would make him to her and her sister. I told her the same thing he'd been all along and that his official title would be their step-father but that wouldn't really change anything.
She pried more asking "Would that make you happy mommy? To marry a new husband?" and I held up my hand. "Enough," I said. "You don't need to be concerned with any of this. You are a kid. I am going to make the best possible choices I can for our family, and I've already started doing so. All you need to worry about is being fucking awesome, because that's exactly what you are. If you keep being that, I will be happy."
Contributing Editor Maria Young quite frequently calls her daughters 'fucking awesome' out loud and on her blog, Immoral Matriarch.
