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I happened upon an article at BadOnlineDates.com where a guy broke down the reasons why he stops calling women.
While reading, I thought about how we women may have the same exact feelings as this guy about who we’re dating... we got what we wanted... no return on investment... lost interest... but we choose to stick around for some reason.
Why? Because women tend to be lazy daters. We hate dating! — especially when we reach a certain age. We’re like, enough already.
We get too satisfied too quickly. Of course not all of us, but many of us.
Eh, He'll Do for Now
We might lose interest in a guy but still continue to date him. Why? Because it’s easy, it’s comfortable and it’s something to do until the next best thing falls into our lap. When we do meet a new guy who we like more, only then we start to pull away, slowly but surely so as not to hurt the old guy’s feelings.
Men lose interest and for some reason they still have the energy for jumping right back out there to date again. They take risks.
If they’re not satisfied they have a conversation with themselves: "hey, she’s alright, but I’m not settling." If we women aren’t satisfied we figure, "Ehh. He'll do for now.”
If in the case we seem disappointed that "he'll do" guy has not called back, it’s not because we were sooo in love — it’s mostly because we just dread the thought of having to go back out on the dating field. Ugh.
Why are we women so quick to settle while men tend to shoot for the stars when dating? Why are we such lazy daters?
I think most women just don’t like the process of dating… what about you? Personally I find it tiring and annoying.
First of all we have to sift through a whole new bunch of toads, whether from online dating or meeting at social events, to find someone halfway decent. Then we have to sit through a boring ass date and pretend to be so into the guy. Stroking his ego, smiling at his jokes and all that nonsense.
Finally, when the time comes we have to go through the whole “when to have sex” thing and act coy. Again, annoying. Deep down, we’d rather get all of that bullshit out of the way and just have a familiar yet sane and responsible person around for a little bit of romance on a fairly regular basis.
Doesn’t matter if he’s not the one, or that he has a pot belly gut, or he works as a pizza delivery guy full time or that he’s mediocre in bed or that his breath smells like he devours shittles. We still say "Eh. He'll do" and stick around for convenience. We’re just lazy about dating.
The reason why women stick around and settle while men shoot for the stars could also have to do with the fact that men and women are like a different species, at least according to this article.
It says that men are more “utilitarian” which means that they believe “the proper course of action is the one that maximizes their overall happiness” while women are more deferential and forgiving of others’ flaws.
We’re also more likely to feel guilty about things and don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. Men are mostly out for their own self-interest, and many will proudly admit so.
What Is Dating Really?
Dating is the process of seeing multiple people until one stands out and the feeling is mutual, not meeting one guy and settling on just him, even though he hasn’t settled on you.
Men get this, we don’t.
I can’t count the times I’ve met a guy and just because everything went somewhat well on the first few dates I stopped talking to other guys. Decent guys would still hit on me and I told them “sorry, I’m taken” like a big idiot!
So I guess I’m encouraging women everywhere to stop being lazy daters. Don’t feel guilty or like a floosy just because you’re dating three or four guys. That’s what dating is after all — it requires some work. And it's a lot more satisfying when you have options.
Jayelle Hughes
Author of Men Don't Matter
