A while ago I got a funny e-mail. The subject line read, “Women Can Dream, Men Can Laugh.” It appears to be excerpts from a book full of pictures of rugged, handsome men putting the rest of the male population to shame by doing things women would kill for but seldom receive. I’m talking about household chores.

One photo has a man holding a trash bag, the caption reading, “As long as I have legs to walk on, you’ll NEVER have to take out the garbage.” Another says “Ooh, look, the NFL playoffs are today. I bet we’ll have no trouble parking at the crafts fair.” My favorite features a man in the kitchen, sporting a crisp apron and wielding a wooden spoon, saying, “I made some Niman Ranch lamb tenderloin with garlic, black pepper, and Indonesian soy sauce for dinner. I hope that sounds okay.”

How sad that these things are fantasies rather than realities. Wouldn’t it just be wonderful if the men in our lives instinctively knew our desires and went continuously out of their way to fulfill them? Yes, yes it would. But come on . . . men have never been nor will they ever be that way. Sure, on occasion they may surprise us with flowers for no reason, and they may even help with or do the dishes all on their own. But who really lives up to the fantasies roles women have concocted?

I say this because even though men would do well to be held to high standards, maybe the bar has been set a bit too high. Although it’s not impossible for men to live up to the ideals set forth in this book (and come on guys, how hard is it every now and then?), it is on the other hand impossible to make them anything but men.

My husband is fond of using the "brainwashing" label on any major chick flick that has been or ever will be created. Think of the last movie you saw that fit this category: Was the man sensitive, attractive beyond all reason, in touch with his emotions, clever and witty, brave, strong, and in the end, did he sweep the heroine off her feet in such a romantic way that it almost brought you to tears? Do they ever once release bodily gasses with reckless abandon, scratch in public, spend too much money on some electronic gadget that they don’t even need, forget an important anniversary or birthday, seem to become lost in space when a woman is talking about shoes or her feelings?

Now think of the men in your lives, be they boyfriends, husbands, fathers, brothers, or friends. How do they measure up? I’m sure they fit the bill more with column B than column A.

So what is the point I’m making here? I’m not trying to say that men should be stereotypical apes, laying on the couch all day throwing their empty soda and beer cans and food wrappers about for women to pick up without a word of chastisement. What I am saying is that we women could cut them just a bit of slack. Men are men. They are human. They have flaws just like—gasp!—women do. And as I said, though it is important to hold them to certain standards, those standards should be reasonable and attainable. We can’t expect them to be the John Cusack or Matthew McConaughey characters in our favorite films any more than we can be expected to be supermodels. They are who they are.

Don’t get swept away by the lofty ideals set forth by romance novels or movies. Appreciate men for who and what they are. So let’s give them credit for the things they actually do for us. They let us cry on their shoulders. They kill spiders crawling above our beds. They barbecue great steaks and burgers. They know how to program the TV and sound system. They work hard to provide for their families. The list goes on. And despite what we may be thinking, they don’t think we’re fatter today than we were yesterday. And that means a lot.

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