Women Judging Women

Ok. The women judging women thing has to stop. Fuck this idea that because we are women, when we go to conferences we need to behave like prime proper school marms or be shamed and judged – mainly by other women.

This is TOTALLY not the BlogHer wrap up post I intended to write, but the catty comments and my first shot of espresso in weeks have driven me, enraged, over the edge. If you haven’t seen the comments, count yourself lucky and read on anyway. I will not be linking to the comments nor quoting them but will be pointing a few key differences between male centric conferences and female centric conferences.

I have been to a TON of male centric conventions. You know what happens there? Hookers, strippers, drugs. It’s off the fucking hook. And if there is anyone in marketing or sales involved they PAY FOR IT ALL. I’ve had big companies pay for my lap dances. Lots of lap dances. And lots and of drinks and fancy food. Not because I was being woo’d for a job, or even in the same industry. Simply because I happen to be with someone they were hanging out with at the show, or on the expo floor, or knew from a previous job. Really. Any connection is fine when it’s party time, as long as you are male of course – women are rarely invited on these excursions unless they have an hourly rate, and I wasn’t on the clock. Simply tagging along for the free room while my friend worked. Then they ask me, should I be friendly with their wives, to keep it on the down low- she doesn’t like it when they see strippers and hookers and gets so fucked up he can barely walk. Should any pictures be taken and posted on social, the picture takers are shamed and sometimes fired. PagingAdria Richards.

The next day these men show up on the conference floor with black eyes and barf breath, shove a mint in their mouth, high five each other for their antics the night before and move on with business as usual.

Yup. Business. As. Usual.

The guys go out and bound over these shenanigans. Not all of them. But many of them. And the boys that party with the hookers and the blow on the company dime? Those are the boys that ARE the glass ceiling over women’s heads. Because
how can a women go out and keep up with them and bond with them over hookers and blow? I have seen it time and again, and as an outsider, it’s something that’s easy for me to spot.

Now let’s look at a big women centric conference. While there was plenty of swag and cocktails, wine and even champagne on the expo floor, and rumor had it, some rainbow barfing unicorns, I saw no evidence of hookers nor blow. I saw a lot of women coming together and bonding over the things they had in common and learning about their differences.

Then go home and judge the shit out of each other.

Did you see what ##### was wearing?

I can’t believe ##### didn’t go to any panels. I think she’s just here for the swag.

Fucking coupon bloggers.

Fucking sex bloggers.

Fucking mommy bloggers.

I can’t believe she drank so much. Such a drunk.

Why was she in the fashion show? She’s looked like shit.



Her business cards are horrible! I think she printed them herself.

Omg, I didn’t even recognize her. She photo shops every picture of her into oblivion.

That much cleavage is just NOT professional.

That’s totally a boob job. And not even a good one. They are, like, square!

Buttuh face. *snicker*

I can’t believe she would just wear jeans to something like this.

Doesn’t she have an cloths that, you know, fit?

And the ever popular – I now see why she never posts full body pics on her site. She is WAYYY larger in real life.

Then women come home and post pictures and comments to social media. Names and faces intact.

Really ladies? BlogHer is for ALL women. It’s inclusive. That means some women are going to be there for reasons other then the ones you are there for. They dress down. Or up. They many have no money to spend on business cards. Some women are going to misbehave. Do shocking things like go to parties and drink. Because for some women, YES, this is their spring break. They save all year long and this is the one weekend they get away from kids and responsibility. And YES, some women are strictly there to network and do business. And good lord. Boobs? We all have them. We all have a relationship with them, our own as well as others. This should not be the basis on which we judge each other.

Why are we judging each other? Why can’t we high five each other and congratulate each other for our shenanigans?

Men hire other men who they have partied with at these things. Women work with some, but spend so much time judging others that I fear they miss out on opportunities, not to mention the time and energy wasted judging outfits and actions of other women. Wouldn’t contacting with the brands and contacts you made be a better use of your time then posting crap like this on the Internet?

Men don’t need to keep women down. Women are doing a damn fine job of keeping women down without them.


In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.