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This month, O Magazine featured an article Why Women Are Leaving Men for Other Women, by Mary A Fischer, and as a companion piece, yesterday's, March 25th, Oprah show was Women Leaving Men for Other Women. I'm not sure exactly what it is about this being an Oprah topic that bothers me, but I'm a bit bothered. I will admit, I've only seen clips of the show, so I can't really speak to the entirety of the show, but I have read the article. I'm having a tough time fully collecting my thoughts here, so if I can't come up with a coherent thought train on this, I'm apologizing now.
For me the whole thing gets off on the wrong foot with the title. 'Why Women Are Leaving Men for Other Women' makes it seem as if it's a decision like, well I'm tired of cake, I think I'd like pie now. I believe it sets a certain tone, like one relationship is somehow better than, or the answer to the failure of the other. And that is certainly not the case. Sexuality is not a pragmatic decision. It is what it is, and you can't make yourself attracted to someone to whom you are not. Perhaps better titles, better content would have centered around 'Why Are Some Women Coming Out Later in Life?'
After implying that it is trendy and sexy to trade in your man for a woman, because people like Lindsy Lohan and Cynthia Nixon have done it, the article only briefly talks about why it is there seems to be a rise in late in life coming outs. Their answer, greater societal acceptance. I don't think most heterosexuals understand the pressure to conform that we, GLBT people, live with. It is especially tough in the teen through early 20 years when we are forming our identities, becoming our own person. Some of us have the strength to just be who we are and love who love. Some of us know who we are, but try to fit in by pretending we aren't who we are. Then there are some of us who are in such denial that we can't even see it until it jumps out and bites us. Unfortunately, this denial leads some LGBT people enter heterosexual marriages when they are younger, and though they may love their spouse and children, they eventually reach a point where they can no longer continue to deny their true sexuality.
The article also gets into the idea of fluid sexuality. Fluid sexuality is more about being attracted to the person specifically, in the sense that you may not normally be attracted to someone of that gender, but with regard to this person you are. Now while I like that the article puts forth the idea of fluid sexuality, I don't really buy that as answer to the original question of why women are leaving men for other women. Since fluid sexuality isn't really about one gender verses the other, but about being attracted to a specific person regardless of gender, then it isn't really about leaving one gender for the other. Though from the outside, it may be viewed as leaving a man for a woman.
In my opinion, the article gets too muddled with gender identity, gender roles, gender characteristics, and the specific of the couples featured in the story to reach any real conclusion. Or least to answer why women are leaving men for women. A few other women have written their two cents worth about this article.
violet analyzed this article in her post Feminism is to blame for this, of course She says,
All of this means the article-so close to being a genuinely-moving-if-shallow exploration of gender and sexuality-actually reads at various points more like it's titled, "Why Women Are Leaving Men For Other Women (Who Are Actually A Lot Like Men, So Your Patriarchal Notions Of Gender Identity And Presentation Need Not Feel Overly Threatened)".
Nat discusses the problems she has with the article in her post Oprah talks female homosexuality She says,
Something else that bugged me in the article was the apparent pitting of men versus women, as lovers and companions. The title of the article "Why Women Are Leaving Men for Other Women" does this at the start. Most of these women did not ‘leave' men for women. They didn't just decide to divorce their husbands, split
