Women: Likes, Dislikes, and Other Sexual Escapades.
Maybe it's the fact that I haven't had a boyfriend/fling in a few months, maybe it's cabin fever, or maybe it's just pure frustration, but I have noticed that the majority of my conversations seem to begin and/or end in a discussion of sexual nature. Today seemed to be no different when I chose the topic of this afternoons post.
The purpose of this post is to get out in the open all the likes/dislike of women during a naughty little romp in the hay. Since I am a women, sorry, I only have our side to offer, so I welcome all my male readers to tell us some of the things you're fond of or could do without.
Let us begin.
I asked a small collection of girls over lunch this question: What do you like that a guy does during sex, and what do you hate?
Hmmmm.... they all said collectively, their eyes searching the ceiling for invisible answers. Some of their lips curled in a silent giggle no doubt replaying very successful encounters. "BITING!" one of the girls shouted happily. We all gave a collective growl under our breaths and reaffirmed her choice with animalistic head nods and eyebrow raises. Nice bites on the neck and shoulder during a passionate love fest. Little nibbles across the stomach and up the side. Oh, and you have to be a man and be able to take a few nice bites right back at you. It's only fair, right? So, that's a plus for biting. (There's a reason why vampires are sexy boys, and it's not for hickeys)
"A good hair tugging, if done correctly." Now I'm not saying just reach up and pull a girls hair like a friggin ponytail, this maneuver takes a little finesse to be done correctly. You're in the heat of the moment, draggin your hand up a girls back, over her neck, tangling you hand through her hair giving a nice pull with a hand full of hair can just make a girl love every second. Maybe tugging her head slightly to the side with her hair so you can nibble your way down the side of her neck? Yes please sir! Oh don't worry you can thank me later.
DON'T have TV on in the background. And if you do and the girl is paying attention to it, then you're not doing your job. So get crackin Mr.!
If we get up the nerve to go to a store, buy a slutty costume/outfit, take 20 minutes to get into said costume, do our make up, and put on bang me heels, your only acceptable reaction better be a growl before you attack us. Any other response is unacceptable. Also, we didn't just spend 40 minutes trying to get on a leather cats suit for you to just rip it off... FYI boys- leave them on! It's more fun!!! (Ya, i can't believe I'm saying these things either, but it's for all our benefit.)
This one maybe be a bit messy, but well worth it. Food play can be fun. Now, I'm not saying you should eat a ham sandwich off the girls stomach, she's not a plate, but some chocolate sauce or caramel dripped nicely over her body and licked back off? Always a winner! And if you do it well, who knows, maybe you'll come home one day to her standing there wearing nothing but some strategically placed sundae ingredients.
Foreplay (in general) - should last longer then 2 minutes. Geez, why do we even have to tell some of you men that!!?!
A nice grab of the buttocks was an all around good thing in our books. Now don't be tentative boys, use your whole hand and give it a good squeeze. And on a side note, as mentioned before, spanking can be a yummy alternative if done at the right moment.
Like to make little noises of pleasure come out of your girls lips? Well, little kisses, sometimes large kisses... every type of kisses, all over her body, everywhere, can be nothing but good news.
Ok, now this may sound like a strange one, at one point one girls eyes glazed over and a small scowl formed as she said, "No laughing!" "Laughing? What? When? ... wait huh?" we all said staring at her in confusion."I had one boyfriend who would laugh during sexy. Nothing funny had just happened, no one farted, no reason to laugh... but he would. And when I asked what was wrong he would say, I'm just enjoying myself." The confusion and disgust in the air after hearing this was palpable, broken only when she followed up with, "then every time I climaxed, he would CLAP! Yes, he would applaud and say YAY!" We felt so bad for her, we gave her a hug for the horror of this story. Our prayers are with you honey.
Although, I think it's possible nothing can top that last DON'T, I think I'll continue in that direction for a little while. Please do not talk to our body parts. They can't actually hear or understand you, they're just breasts. You have something to say... face please! Along that line, another good thing not to talk to would be YOUR parts. "One of my ex's would compliment his penis during sex. He would say it was so big and wonderful. And it really wasn't," my friend laughed over her chicken sandwich. And if you do do something wrong, say your bag pops before the popcorn is ready, don't apologize. Just never apologize during sex, it's emasculating and just makes the situation more uncomfortable. K? Thanks!
Last but defiantly not least, this was a unanimous decision by all present. Guys, take off your socks during sex!
In conclusion, I think this was a very productive lunch discussion and I thought I should share some of the learned enjoyments and hatreds of the girl world. Enjoy! Let me know how it goes! ... well... maybe don't. LiaTalks blogs regularly at http://finger-talks.blogspot.com