Five months ago, after wearing my hair natural for almost three years, I ‘relaxed’ my hair. It wasn’t an easy decision, as having chemically-straightened hair meant more time getting ready in the morning and the arduous task of spending a ton of money getting ‘touch-ups.’ But frankly, my natural hair was out of control. Cursed with difficult hair that in its natural state is the texture of a brillo pad, it had grown to a length where my once cute Afro-Puffs and sexy little twists looked dirty and matted.

I couldn’t comb it, couldn’t blow-dry it, couldn’t do anything….so it was time to revert back to something that I had told myself I wouldn’t never, ever do again – head to the hairdresser’s.

And trust me it was painful - literally and figuratively. I had to wrestle with the notion that perhaps secretly I was ashamed of my natural ‘fro. I wondered that if having long tresses like Beyonce would help me get laid – let’s be frank, y’all. I had a job that hired me with my natural hair and tattoos on both my hands, so I wasn’t too worried about that, but still, I had this feeling…something that even today I am wrestling with - that I sold out.

Since I was a kid I wanted to look like Angela Davis during the Black Power era, with a towering ‘fro, fierce fitted leather jacket and a micro-mini – proudly showing of my long, chestnut-brown sexy legs, glistening with baby oil, my feet encased in 5-inch platforms. She was strong, she was powerful, and most importantly, she didn’t give a shit about what anyone thought about her. But my hair (and my fragile self-esteem) wouldn’t let me. But to me, my natural hair served as a statement to the outside world that I was proud of my hair, proud to be black, so by relaxing it, wouldn’t I be a hypocrite, a self-hating motherf@#$er? Hmm.

So when it was reported last summer that Ashley Baker, a fashion editor at Glamour Magazine told a group of female attorneys at a law firm that African / Black-oriented hairstyles were a fashion ‘don’t’ - “no offense, but those ‘political hairstyles’ really have to go, “she reportedly said - I got a little nervous – and a little angry. Angry at the connotation that one’s hair in its natural state was considered a social offence. But really, Baker’s personal opinion means little to me, nor to countless other women of African descent, but what made me nervous was the immediate presence in my mind – the voice of that little, insecure girl that lurks inside of me that immediately thought that maybe there was an ounce of truth to Baker’s (who later resigned from Glamour) sweeping and bigoted remark. There is certainly enough fodder to back up her assumptions about the ‘acceptability’ of black hair.

From “Ethnic hairstyles in corporate life” in Newsday:

"Black hair is sensitive," said Anna Holmes, who is biracial and the managing editor of Jezebel, a celebrity, sex and fashion blog for women, who followed the Baker story closely. "What Baker said was inappropriate, but was she inaccurate? No. She hit a nerve ... society is uncomfortable with ethnic hair, and it is uncomfortable about race. And it's tough talking about all of it because emotion gets in the way."

An undertone that natural hair is unacceptable, unprofessional and even ugly continues to exist in society.

Glamour received hundreds of angry letters from readers, to the point where the Editor-in-Chief posted an apology on the website. This Tuesday, Glamour hosted a panel, ‘Women, Race & Beauty” to discuss, among other issues, ethnic hairstyles in corporate America. Inviting a pretty impressive group of women, such as moderator Farai Chideya and Barbara Trepagnier author of Silent Racism. Let’s hope that the discussion will prove to be more than a slick PR move for Conde Nast.

Calling me a cynic? Really, what is one panel going to do? It is great that Baker’s remarks have sparked a much-needed dialogue, but there is waay more to this issue. You might be able to draft policies in your workplace so people will not discriminate based on a hairstyle, but in reality, black hair is in some ways, just as political as Baker stated – albeit, in a dismissive manner. From Feministing:

Maybe that's a large part of why corporate America treats Afros, braids, and other natural styles as "inappropriate" for the workplace: Because they associate these hairstyles with black empowerment, and with women of color standing up for themselves and for their rights. It goes beyond the superficial racism of "this is a messy fashion don't." It's also about the old boys' (and girls') club feeling threatened by an empowered woman of color.

In reality, I rarely see a sista in the area of town where I work, (downtown Toronto), wearing her hair natural. And I remember the dirty looks I got from brothers and disappointing glances I got from black women when I was tooling around town with a ‘fro. In this case, the problem of ‘acceptable’ hair is focused on the workplace; but we also have to consider what our black friends and family members instruct us to do when we enter the big world to look for a job, and what popular culture tells us about our hair. Some people will tell us to relax our hair because they are painfully aware of what the outside world thinks of us; and some of us have bought into what popular culture tells us what we have to be in order to be deemed more attractive. Queen Esther’s fabulous blog, Kudzu, Mon Amour discusses black celebs who dye their hair blond:

i suppose i could wax some kind of poetic about the pain and expense that they had to endure to get their hair to look like that (nevermind the contacts or the makeup, if you can) but it's so far removed from what they're naturally like, you could probably fill in the blanks for yourself. if i wanted tamara dobson's afro when i was a little kid, i shudder to think of what black girls see when they watch their videos ad infinitum on BET. and then look in the mirror.

On the work front, the remarks I got from my co-workers when I went to work with my hair relaxed were interesting. “Omigod! You look so professional!” “Is that a weave? It looks so good!” They were not so outrageous as to warrant punching someone out, but enough to make me think, ‘what did you think of me before this?’

For me, my natural hair was political. While it was a helluva lot cheaper to maintain, I grew my hair out because I wanted my outside to reflect what I felt on the inside. I am proud of my culture, and wanted to reflect that through my hair and tattoos, especially since my ‘straight’ job required so much conformity and meant adhering to a social structure which, quite frankly offended my sensibilities. But we all have to eat, right?

Yeah, we all have to eat, which means that we all have to conform in some way or another. But should people have to change a portion (a large portion for some women) just to be considered non-threatening by people who will ignore our qualifications and capabilities as potential or present employees? Is relaxed hair so powerful that it is enough to make people feel safe around black women? Or do people think that black women who choose to relax their hair or wear weaves, secretly want to be something other than black?

Baker’s comment had everything to do with her perception of black natural hairstyles as a rejection of ‘conformity’ and based on her narrow-minded views of what is deemed acceptable and / or fashionable. However, I believe that what underlies her comment and others that consider natural hairstyles unprofessional is that, similar to the hostility that happens when issues of race and racism are publicly discussed; it makes people uncomfortable, as people don’t like to feel any culpability. Perceived differences are a threat to the person’s comfort zone, forcing them to re-evaluate their notions of normalcy. And we all buy into it, one way or another, as we all feel more comfortable around people who are similar to us, either in appearance or in mannerisms, and of course, we all want to be attractive to others, but at what cost? I’ll have to wait until the transcripts of the Glamour panel discussion are made available to the public, but let’s hope they touched on this. (Update: Here's a Twitter transcript from Girlbomb.)