Vagina vs Toody: When Do I Update My Daughter's Vocabulary?

I personally don't think its ever too early to teach your child the correct names to their body parts.Why, because they are THEIR body parts. They are going to have them for the rest of there lives so they might as well know early on what they are, what they do and how to take care of them. I also believe that the hush hush culture around talking to our children about their private parts and sex is why so many children go and learn for themselves, which usually the results are not pleasant.

Bug? Strange to me. I honestly don't remember what my mother called it, other than privates, but I also don't remember not knowing the words, even if I didn't know which female parts were which (probably because of the frequent misuse of vagina for vulva?). When I called a classmate Uterus, (it vaguely sounded like her last name) my mother got out the encyclopedia with the peel-away pages showing the entire reproductive anatomy. I was about 9. Luckily she didn't hear my call my brother a Dildo that day! I've always called my boys' privates a penis or privates. Grandma-the-nurse insisted on penis and scrotum. It embarrasses them to call it a winky or other cutesy name. I can't imagine calling into the bathroom "Make sure you wipe/wash your vulva!" I would just say "Make sure you wipe." I tell the boys to wash all their creases. Occasionally I specify "armpits, butt-crack, that little crease between your balls and your leg" What totally confused me was my obstetrics nurse coming in and checking on my "bottom" all the time. I finally asked her if I had that many stitches. She looked at me completely blankly until I said "Are you checking on the front part or the back part?? Do I have stitches near my anus?"

Of course, my stepfather kept his porn on the coffee table and didn't believe in pants while at home. He also didn't see a need to close their bedroom door, ever. My father was also completely unashamed to be nude in front of us. I never was bothered by the nudity, but even I knew that the porn on the coffee table was odd. :D

That's a very good question. My son referred to his penis as a winky one day, completely out of the blue, and even though he's now just about bigger than me, I hate to let that pet name go. I write about penises, erections lasting more than four hours, boob jobs, and whatever other controversial sex topic that comes to mind, but there's something comforting about the pet names with the kids.

Let's get our anatomical terminology correct!

The parts you can see are not a vagina. The vagina is (normally hidden) inside your body.

It's interesting how people constantly incorrectly use that term.

The part(s) you can see is called a "vulva". This is is the term you should teach your daughter.

Calling the parts you can see "vagina" is kind of like calling someone's penis a "urethra" or "seminal vesicle"..

writingbyemily: Glad you are now using correct anatomical terminology with your daughter. I always did with my daughter and she is apparently unscathed by it. However the one contradiction is that I have always referred to the gluteus area as the TUSH.

Loved Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues. Through that production, many people were reminded that the vagina is not the whoo whoo, the vagigi or the hootchi. Thanks for that Eve, as well as for the enlightening monologues. Also, thanks writingbyemily for bringing up the topic.

Good question... We always referred to it as her private parts and the same for her brother. My daughter will be turning 4 soon, and I figured when she asked what the name of her parts were I'd tell her. But, then she probably won't ask, or maybe she will...

Like some of the other commenters, we use vulva. Vagina seems too specific for most of what we actually use the word for -- describing where to wash, or where there might be some diaper rash. My daughter is just 3. We also use penis when talking to or about her 5 year old brother.

However, to my now-embarrassment, we used "babboo" for both breasts and nursing when my nurslings were first learning to talk, and are now having trouble getting them to say breast. I wish I'd risked embarrassment then instead of having to correct the vocabulary now.

Introduce the word now. You didn't have to wait this long. Don't teach her that her body parts are cause for embarrassment, whether it's the word or the actual part. It's not a bad word to be avoided. Her body belongs to her and she should learn all about it. Don't be scared. Let her own it.

I'm just happy you used the word "Toody" because that's what I called it when I was a kid .... AND THEN THE FACTS OF LIFE TV SHOW AIRED AND I CRIED TO MY MOM THAT HER NAME WAS TUTTI!!! ...I think that's when my mom broke the news to me that it was also a VAGINA ;) ...I don't have kids so I have no other words of wisdom there, lol.

My daughter is now 3, calls it her "China" because that is just how it came out when she was 2. I'd start introducing the correct word when you feel it is time and let her decide when she wants to make the transition to the more technical words. Child led, much like the way the sex talk you mentioned appears to be progressing. Good luck to you momma.

I want to thank everyone for the comments and input. As abitbackward mentioned below, I want to have an honest, open relationship with my daughter about sex and her body -- I didn't have that growing up and I understand what a difference it would've made. I wrote the post because I truly wanted other women's opinions (although I never imagined it would be such a hot topic) and I'm grateful for all the feedback. In the past few days we've been introducing the correct terms (thank you to everyone who pointed out my misuse of 'vagina' instead of 'vulva' and 'labia') and it's worked out wonderfully. So once again, thanks, ladies!

Just LOVED seeing this title - made me giggle. NO IDEA when to change it. My friend still calls hers a doh-doh and I think it's hilarious and totally ok. :) My husband wants us to use the biological terms which is boring. :) but I get it.

My mom taught us all the terms "vagina" and "penis" from a very young age. To her embarrassment, I would walk with her in the grocery store shouting, "Mom, look! He has a peanut! And she has a bagina! Right?! Right?!" Haha. While it made for a bit of an uncomfortable start, it set me up for a life of open, honest discussion about my body and sex - with my mom! Not every child has that kind of open relationship with their parent. But, it is so important. And you've got to start somewhere right?

Apparently there is a Summer's Eve commercial making waves right now with their slogan, "Hail to the V." I haven't seen it -- anyone else? What's your take?

As one poster said, I find more irritating that vagina is used incorrectly, it's vulva, people! And..as yet another poster said, I agree, it makes ADULTS uncomfortable-to a 4 yr old, a word is just a word.

and WHY is everyone talking more about their vagina's/ vulva's, ..penises/ insert name.ANYWAY, lol!

I have six children and all of them know the words penis and vagina. Like Submommy , we don't get into specifics about vulva, etc., but I am NOT a fan of crazy nicknames for body parts. They are body parts just like your finger or your ear, and I think it is important to teach children what they are actually called. There have definitely been moments in public when a little one has yelled out something about their vagina or penis, but the only people that seems to bother are other adults who stare in horror at us like our kids just dropped the F-bomb. I grew up in a home that never talked about sex or body issues, and I refuse to do that to my children.

I'm in agreement with the twitter commenter - we have used penis and vagina since the get-go. Now, we haven't gotten into the specific anatomy of the entire organ - i.e., this is your vulva, this is your scrotum, etc. - but we have used the general terms since they were little. Being able to name the part of your body that someone may have inappropriately touched, there is no mistaking it. No doubt. It makes for more reliable reporting.

I don't have kids, so I haven't a clue on how I'll react and what I'll refer to vaginas/penises as.

In all honesty I don't ever remember either of my parents telling me what to call my vagina, it was always just that, a vagina, or my mom called it my private parts maybe?

At 9 I was given a book on puberty for my birthday (which I still have 18 years later!) and the book called a vagina a vagina and a penis a penis. I recently looked back at that book and the sections you could answer questions in and it's hilarious!

Although, come to think of it, my sister always use to call hers her wissywuss, so it kind of stuck. She is now 16, and I think she'd be mortified if I asked her if she still refered to her vagina as a wissywuss....

I taught my daughter vagina from the get go. It's made for some interesting public moments, but people just laugh it off. I grew up in a house where no one talked about anything related to our bodies, sex, or health in general. Everything was taboo. I don't want to raise my kids in a house where any topic is off limits because for me, my curiosity led to some dangerous behavior- if I had known more from my parents, I would have had fewer questions and would not have sought my own answers.

I plan on teaching my children the correct anatomical terms for all body parts. I personally don't understand why anyone does different. A body part is a body part, and each one has a specific function. Personally, I think it's much creepier to say a girl has a "bug" or some other off-the-wall nickname than to just call it what it is. I think nicknaming it or acting like it's wrong to say vagina/vulva/labia makes it seem like there is something shameful about it, which (in my opinion) is not the message to be sending young girls. Or any female, come to think of it.

When a child starts asking detailed questions, it is time to use correct sexual terminology. I see no harm in using "family nicknames", as long as the name does not make them think it is a bad place. If you are comfortable talking about sex, your child will be comfortable coming to you with questions. Maybe we are beginning to see more people opening up to using the correct sexual terms relating to female anatomy, as this blog illustrates. Thanks for the post, Emily!

I really enjoy reading your blogs Emily! The one that was just published made me think of a scenario that happened to a good friend of mine just a few years back. Her son was born and they had tried to decide what to tell him to call his penis. They had finally come to a conclusion of calling it his "willy", when all of a sudden her sister-in-law decided to name her new bundle of joy...none other than William...and call him Willie. So, needless to say - his penis was to never be called his willy LOL - They just went ahead and taught him that it was his penis. That is all they could decide on as she has a masters in English and that was the only thing she would settle on!

Great post! These comments have really opened my eyes. I had NO idea there were people who didn't use nicknames. I think having the different names are unique to each family and are actually a good thing. I remember when my friends and I all shared our little nicknames...tootie, tootoo, flower. We all cracked up. I think it's almost a right of passage. I don't think I've ever used the word vagina, vulva or labia outloud. Maybe something is wrong with me? Maybe it was my southern upbringing. I still use tootie and peepee, and probably always will.

We've always used the proper names for the kids' body parts - my daughter talks about her vulva and my son talks about his penis. Our rationale was that if they ever needed to tell someone else that any part of their body was hurt or needed cleaning or whatever, it would be less confusing for all involved if they used plain language.

At 3 and 5, they're learning (slowly) how they shouldn't talk about about their private parts to just anyone. But, other than that, I don't think they have any "issues (ha ha ha). Great post!

We use vulva in our house (vagina is only the inside part) and yes, I do remind my daughter "don't forget to rinse your vulva really well" in the shower. She's 5, but I've never understood the use of pet names over medically-correct terminology.

We always used labia for the outside, vagina for the actual vagina. That way we never had to switch.Of course, my kids tend to correct people who use vagina incorrectly, which has sometimes been an issue.

Now...I did/do tend to use balls for testicles once the children learned the correct name.

Actually, you should be asking her if she's washed her vulva. ;-) We've used the proper names for body parts from birth. Does that preclude nicknames? Of course not! But proper names first.

my daughter is 28 and we never switched from "bug" to vagina. she knew it was a vagina but we had a family name for it. she survived!

Hmm.

This is why we never used cutesy names. A penis is a penis. A vagina is a vagina. No need to switch terms later. Then again, considering my mother referred to mine as a "bug" as a child -- which is honestly something negative, not positive -- I'm a stickler for real names. I didn't know what a vagina was until I was 13/14. And I got my period at 10.