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"My heart gets excited when I see you because I love you and am happy to be with you."
These words were uttered to me over the phone by a five year-old. She is my best friend's eldest daughter and she never fails to move me, sometimes to tears, with her emotional honesty and straight-forwardness. When I shared this story with my colleagues -- a group of oncologists, psychologists, social workers, and nurses -- one therapist remarked, "Can you imagine an adult saying that to someone else?!"
Actually, no. I can't imagine it. Can you?
Read Leeat Granek, PhD at The Huffington Post: Lonely. Who, Me? Yes You!
I can't imagine it either but how incredible would it be to hear something like that? And reading those words made me realize that I cannot remember the last time I have either heard anything like that or said anything similar.
How would you feel reading something like this?:
Dude, I love my new boss. This email came from him this afternoon.
"Again, I am very excited about having you onboard. Way back when I first met you I instantly knew that you had to be a part of my team. There is nothing better than setting a goal and seing it realized :)"
For many of us it is easier to remember the painful words, the hurts, the slights, the rejections and allow them to drown out the compliments and the kind words.
Leeat Granek says that not only are we often incapable of hearing the kind words but
It's not only that we are unwilling to pour our guts out to each other, it's that we have no one to share our guts with.
So how can we find ways to open our hearts and share what is in them?
Erin Kotecki Vest recently demonstrated that blogging can mean that we do have someone to share our guts with. And a place like BlogHer can create a safe space as the community guidelines help keep the mean spirits away and you won't have to moderate potentially hurtful comments yourself as you might on your own blog.
If hearing and taking in kind words is a problem, at Beliefnet, Therese Borchard will show you how to start a self esteem file in which you capture and collect the kind words offered you:
Three years ago I walked into my therapist's office feeling like a Krispy Kreme donut: I had no center. Everything I attempted, both professionally and personally, seemed to flop. I had no sense of self, no confidence, and no faith in myself. I found nothing of value in my DNA.
So she assigned me a project that turned out to be a meaningful, lasting tool in my mental health toolbox. I call it "The Self-Esteem File." Here are 10 steps for starting your own.
And if finding a way to open your heart and speak love and kindness like a child is difficult, try going complaint-free. If you aren't criticizing, complaining or gossiping about people there is nothing left but to find the good, the love and the heart in them.
Don't just leave notes for strangers, like Dr. Granek prescribes...
So go on, don't just sit there. Tell someone today (and everyday!) that they make "your heart excited," because "you love them and are happy to be with them."
What are your tips and ideas for how we can speak and hear words of love and kindness more often?
Related Reading:
But then I was asked to find 4 people who could also give me 10 positive traits about myself and I froze. Who do I ask and how? Won't they think I'm losing self-esteem if I ask them. But went ahead and sent an email to 4 people, one of them being Mr. R. The first response came from a coworker/friend of mine and it just brought me to tears. Its one thing knowing some traits that you have. Its another thing to read how those traits show through to others around you.
Virginia Gardner at Drifting Into Focus: Sha Zaam!
Don't you love that word, "Sha Zaam"?! Well, having it said about my work was one of the nicest surprises I've had in a while.
BlogHer CE Laurie White: Go With the Flow: Take Your Mom (and everyone else) to BlogHer
Lara, that is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me in my life, no exaggeration. Thank you.
BlogHer CE Maria Niles recently started building a self
