World's Fattest Woman (to be)?

Right that's it. Now I have seen it all.

You could be forgiven in our modern day society, for thinking that as times become tougher, people are becoming increasingly more apathetic and resigned. Maybe so, but that doesn't necessarily apply to everyone.

Especially the woman I am about to introduce you to. 

Her name is Susanne Eman from Arizona, and she is 33. And she has a burning ambition to .........  (get this, it's barking mad) ........ become the fattest woman in the world. 

When I first read it, I thought my eyes were deceiving me. But they weren't. And it became blindingly obvious quite quickly, that we weren't dealing with Harvard's finest.

Back to Susanne's quest to become the worlds heaviest woman: She currently weighs 54 stones (756 lbs), but her target weight is 115 stones (1,610 lbs). 

Abso-bloody-lutely unbelievable, especially given that most super-obese people die after reaching 70 stones (980 lbs). But it doesn't stop there - she has two children, and has recently become engaged to a chef who is using his culinary skills to help her achieve her goal.

I remain incredulous at the whole scenario. 

Why on earth would you want to turn yourself in the world's biggest living Doner Kebab? Especially given that she currently relies heavily on a wheelchair to get around, and acknowledges that when she is 1,610 lbs, she won't be able to move at all. That's if she attains that obscene weight without carking it first.

How messed up is the whole bloody scenario? ...... and ...... WHY? She looks like a double duvet-cover that has been filled with potatoes and sump oil. That's never gonna make you feel good when you have to go to Parent's Evening at primary school and they only have those tinsy tiny chairs.

Pic.No.1 This is Susanne with her fiance Parker. But what the hell is that hanging down from under her skirt? Please don't tell me they are legs, because they look like those ghosts from Ghostbusters (upside down ghosts, mind)

Pic.No.2 Breakfast = nom + nom + nom 'to the power of three' (is it me, or does Parker look really creepy feeding her?)

Pic.No.3 This really renders me agape because of the fruitlessness of it all. Apparently Susanne exercises daily to try and keep herself 'active and mobile' during her quest

Pic.No.4. Now really, what's the point of trying to touch your toes if you have eaten 20 pies for breakfast? (ooh - Parker looking creepy again. Quelle Surprise)

Pic.No.5 More exercises. Not only that, but she and Parker are allegedly regular swimmers. Poor Archimedes. If he had had access to Susanne in the olden days, his water displacement formula would have only taken 10 minutes knock out - helped muchly by magnification theory

Pic.No.6. Aw crikey. It gets worse. Her husband has to cut her toenails. And I have question .... how the hell does she wash herself properly? She has loads of folds that she could never get to on her own. That is the grossest thing in my book. She must honk like a dead badger

Pic.No.7 YES! The money shot (not)! Just in case you were wondering (and I wasn't because I had reached my 'gross-out limit'), Parker and Susanne apparently do have an active sex life. Look he even takes off his glasses so he can properly get into 'it'

Anyway, I need to sign off before I spew. But before I go, I have collated two of Susanne's (profound) observations, garnered on her journey to become the world's fattest bird. Enjoy ........

Quotation one: 'It's harder to gain weight than you might think, because I'm trying to stay as healthy and active as possible,' she said. 'I've been slowly upping what I eat. It's like an athlete training, but instead of training to be harder, I'm making myself softer.'

Quotation two: 'I want to try and break the stigma that being fat is bad'

Jesus Mary Mother of God. I still can't get my head round it. 

I am waiting with bated breath for her next campaign; 'Crystal Meth - Great for Growing Families!' (or the like).

So dahlink - you had any shockers around your way recently? 

Annie (Lady M) x

Anne Dickens | The day after yesterday


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