Would whoever took my serotonin please give it back?

At the end of last week I got some information that confirmed my suspicions. Of course they were bad suspicions. Of course... because do we ever have suspicions that are good?

My bank statement confirmed my suspicions. I was indeed rolling in dough and able to live the life of my fantasies.

After reviewing the x-rays and lab tests, the doctor confirmed my suspicions that the pain in my leg was due to a gross lack of chocolate and ice cream in my diet. 

Nope. It never works out like that.

Instead it goes something like this...

The lab results confirmed my suspicions that, in fact, I really do feel like crap for an actual reason that is measurable and quantifiable.

I have not been feeling like myself for several months now...since mid-November. You may not have noticed, and that's good. We animals are masters at hiding illnesses and vulnerabilities. It helps keep us safe from predators.

I've been feeling like this without even doing a hard workout.

And I've been looking like this, too :(

I've felt similarly before... a couple of times. I remember sitting in my OB/GYN's office two years ago. My baby was one year old and I was 47. I was holding two handouts that seemed pertinent and useful (Menopause Facts and Coping with Postpartum Depression), and I was crying when she came into the exam room. I held the booklets out as I turned my tear-streaked face toward her and pleaded, "Which one is me? What do I do?" She looked at them, looked at me, and said, "Wow...Yeah... I guess you really did a number on yourself, eh?" I know that sounds awfully unprofessional, but we have that kind of conversational relationship...which I love. It was at this appointment that anti-depressants were discussed for a second time (we had talked about using them to help with my migraines about two years earlier). This time I took the prescription and filled it.

Following a nightmare break-in period and significant dosage changes, the medication seemed to help immensely, and life held sunshine again. I started running. I was playing with my kids and looking forward to spending time with them. I did the laundry. I got to be ME. Then I started getting the migraines again. My anti-depressant doctor started bitching at me about Imitrex. (I don't like this doctor...she is the opposite of my OB). So I decided to pursue other avenues regarding the migraines.

Enter Neurogistics.

Through all of this earlier stuff, I'd also been seeing an acupuncturist whom I trust implicitly and think the world of. She is my first round of defense when something goes awry. She gave me the information about Neurogistics. Through them, I had a set of neurotransmitter and cortisol level tests performed. Nothing was in the optimal range, and quite notably, serotonin and cortisol were very low. My clinician developed a protocol to boost things up and help my body start doing what it is supposed to when it's healthy and not massively stressed out.

A retest six months later showed that everything was getting to where it was supposed to be. I had a great summer and early fall. I liked being with my kids. I ran. I was feeling so good about my life.

Beginning in mid-November, I began a month-long course of treatment to help with some intestinal issues. Less than a week into it, I knew something was not right. But I also knew that sometimes things get worse before they get better.

Things didn't get better. By Christmas, I was concerned. I retested in early January. It is these results I just received. The results confirming my bad suspicions. Everything is worse than it was the first time I tested. My serotonin level is less than half of the low end of normal. I sent a copy of these numbers to my acupunturist who emailed this in response:

Holy moly ... it's amazing you're so high functioning with your kids and are maintaining a good marriage!! Not that I doubted the struggling you're going through, but this shows on paper the Herculean effort you put into living a normal life. 

I have an appointment with my Neurogistics clinician on Wednesday. I'm hoping she gives me the Magic Bullet that they've been keeping secret. And if those researchers who believe there is no correlation between low serotonin and depression could please let my body in on that news and then tell it what the heck IS happening and how to fix things, I would really appreciate it :)

I just want to live a normal life...without the Herculean effort. Please?


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