Would You Buy Condoms for Your Kids?

Buy the condoms, get the birth control pills, but ONLY if there's a reason to do so - if you suspect your child is having sex, he/she probably is. And if your child is in a relationship, run to the nearest drugstore - just in case.

Before your child leaves for college, get him/her set up for any possibilities. Don't pretend it's not going to happen, because it probably will.

And always, always keep talking and listening. That's the most important thing.

I see buying contraceptives as condoning sex and I hope to promote abstinence with my two daughters. However, I also understand that my wishes may not yield their compliance, so I'm willing to meet them half-way by educating them on sex and ways to prevent stds and pregnancy. I will provide the resources to access birth control but I won't physically go and buy it. As long as my daughters feel comfortable enough to open up to me about their views on sex, I am okay.

Eboney blogs at http://overmojitos.blogspot.com/

actually I have been batteling the same problem, my baby GIRL is 15 this year, still a virgin (had the Dr. check while her yearly came around, i know thats horrible but i had to know) and I have bought her a variety pack of condoms (havent given them to her yet, b/c i want to practice on showing her how to put it on ( a bannana 1st) I was a teen mom, I love my babygirl SO VERY much but she doesnt have the lifstyle I was raised in, and she just needs to focus on school and preparing for college... I believe its better to educate them, for just incase they loose their minds for 5 minutes... I talk to my babygirl about the reasons she should wait, the struggles I went through and the struggles she has went through without her father around simply b/c I DIDN'T WAIT... well good luck to you and your decision, this is a VERY uncomfortable one to say the least♫

That is so funny because it happened to me once too. I was out with friends and my 15 yr old daughter calls me and says mom can you stop and get condoms we're out. Gotta love teenagers lol.

first of all, my kids know I believe they should wait to have sex until they are in a committed relationship.
HOWEVER, I'm a realist. I have condoms in my house. The kids know where they are. They also know:
1. Condoms are NOT 100% safe, no way, no how.
2. Getting pregnant is the least of my concerns. Protect you and your partner from disease.
3. Sex is an emotional activity, especially for the female. Be certain you are both on the same page about the relationship.
4. Don't drink or do drugs and then have sex. A. It will interfere with the experience and B. It will impair your ability to be safe.
And lastly, I'll love you no matter what happens.

"sex is natural sex is fun not everybody does it but everybody"......will at some point, i thought i armed my daughters with all the info and was very open with them at young ages, well lo and behold i am a 44 year old glamma to my 18 year old daughters almost 2 son, she went to planned parenthood said she used condoms while on the pill for a less than a month, YAY for me i taught her well but damn the condom broke! hey life happens and while i do not condone teen sex i know i am in lala land if i don't think they will do it. my daughter is a statistic, and so is my former friends daughter she has contracted herpes at 14.look it is time to be realistic and kids who cannot go to planned parenthood or buy their own condoms shouldnt be having sex but they will. i think that you said it well when you said love them, make sure their emotional health is well. this is key especially for girls! well i have a 14 year old and a 10 year old and they spent many a sleepless night taking care of their nephew. that could be the best birthcontrol ever! (not that i reccomend it to any family) or so they have said! we will see! as for my daughter i dont think she will be a statistic forever and i have high hopes that her son has motivated her to do better in her life!

"If they are too immature and unable to get their own condoms, then they shouldn’t be having sex and it might deter them from doing so."
I have to say, as much as we'd all hope it wasn't so, this statement probably isn't very accurate. I mean... Even the most respectful and respectable boy may not be deterred by not having a condom. If he's gotten to the point that it's time to put on a condom, he's probably a bit too worked up to stop and think about going to get one if he doesn't have one.

A suggestion: If you don't want to buy condoms FOR them, why not just get a box and let them know where to find it? They don't have to use it, and you don't have to check on it, but it's there if ever needed.

I am not putting or paying for birth control for a daughter, too expensive, and really not appropriate for anyone but married long term relationship older adults. And I really think, long term use, may contribute to infertility. Who knows, they find out new things about drugs everyday. Best to use as little drugs as possible in my opinion. Again the lies about how ineffective condoms are (what I as taught way back when, not sure if they're still doing that) is B.S.

Eclectic Recipes ( http://eclecticrecipes.com )

It was so nice meeting you and chatting with you and your family. I actually read this on your blog before and thought about it for a while. I decided if you were sexually active at a young age, your kid probably will be too, no matter how much you try to hide your past. So yes I will buy my son condoms at 14. Kids are way too embarrassed to do it themselves. And I will educate on actual facts (not the lies we were told) about condom effectiveness.

Eclectic Recipes ( http://eclecticrecipes.com )

My stepdaughter began sneaking off campus to have sex in an abandoned building when she was barely 15, and we only discovered this when her poor grade report came in the mail. We had educated her with books and talks since she was about 10, and if we erred, we erred on the side of over-protectiveness. Still she found a way.

As soon as we learned of this, I took her to Planned Parenthood, but she refused an exam. Still, they gave her synthetic hormones, a practice that worries me but is better than the alternative. They also gave her a dozen condoms. My daughter was not mature enough to take the Pill as directed and needed constant monitoring to ensure she did. Still, the strip of condoms shortened week by week....I don't know how or where she found the opportunities, but kids are incredibly resourceful.

Then the herpes scare occurred and she submitted to an exam. Note: they only do a visual exam for herpes unless you want to pay close to $300 for a blood test, and we couldn't afford that. So maybe she DOES carry it, who knows.....

Anyhow, now she understands what it's like to get her annual pelvic, take a pill at the same time every single day, and to use condoms every time. She's decided to become re-virginalized. Somehow she got the idea into her head that if you abstain for a year, you're a virgin again. Whatever, as long as she takes this tact until she is of legal majority, I'll breathe easier.

As my son (nearly 11) enters middle school this year, I see now that it's time to talk about social pressures surrounding sex rather than just educate him on the anatomy and functioning. And I intend for him to visit Planned Parenthood BEFORE becoming sexually active so that he can experience an exam and learn from their highly skilled educators about stds and the rest. He would then be given condoms as a matter of course, and it wouldn't be about my expectations or condoning...it would be about his health, safety, and emotional well-being.

I completely agree with the Just In Case poster above, too: it really IS better to have one on your person, because you never know when someone will prove to be irresistable, when she might be so intoxicating he would lose his senses, and jump into the creek without a paddle. Giving him an emergency safety mechanism is parental love-in-action. It's hard, but it's worth it.

love and light,
cat

I have 3 boys. I have always talked to my kids about safe sex abstinence and STD's. As a result my boys talk openly with me about everything from A- Z.I never had the "sex" talk growing up and I was a mother at age 16. I always knew there would come a day when my boys would start having sex and that it would be sooner than later. I was determined that they would have knowledge and protection for when it did happen.To many teenagers are contracting std's or ending up as parents way too soon. My oldest child is now 25 and Im proud to say he has always been safe and doesnt have any childern.Eventually I want to have grand children but not for a long time. My 16 yr old came to me about 8 months ago and ask me to get him condoms, yes we talked about it but yes I took him to get them.I know in another few years my younger child who is now 12 will be coming to me for the same thing. As I have told my children I do not want them having sex but I know it will happen and if it does I definately want them to be safe.

all though i do not have kids of my own i can honestly say that teens are teens they are going to have sex whether the parents condone it or not. so giving them condoms ensures that they are safe and your conscience can be clear

Yay! I love how most of you moms are promoting safe sex practices at a young age.

As an OB/GYN, I far, far, far too often see the consequences of unprotected teen sex - pregnancy, STDs, pelvic inflammatory disease, ectopic pregnancy, etc...

There is an insane amount of research on this precise subject. That data show that discussing sex, condom use, INCLUDING making condoms available to teens:
- DOES NOT, I repeat, DOES NOT lead to kids having sex at an earlier age
- it does increase the likelihood of safer sex when intercourse is initiated
- it does decrease the likelihood of teen pregnancy

The abstinence-only message, on the other hand, has been shown to be associated with:
- decrease use of condoms/contraception at first intercourse
- earlier anal and oral sex

I'm telling you folks, kids are going to have sex whether you like it or not. It pays to make sure they are protected. I know it feels ideologically wrong to do so, but seriously, the consequences are just too huge not to.

For more info: www.advocatesforyouth.org ( http://www.advocatesforyouth.org )

follow me on my journey of baby catching and vagina inspecting @ Chaotic Calm: A life of love and medicine ( http://chaoticalm.blogspot.com/2010/03/nine-months... )

My sons are almost 11 and 8. When the time comes, I'm going to buy a Costco sized box of condoms, tell the boys about it and put it in the linen closet for easy access. I've already talked to them and explained some sexual stuff to them, in an age-appropriate manner, and will continue to do so as they mature. I know sex is something that's going to happen, and I want them and their partners to be protected, against pregnance and disease. No use sticking my head in the sand about it.

"The mind is not a book, to be opened at will and examined at leisure" ~Severus Snape

My son is 15 1/2 and my husband and I have discussed this issue and agree that we would buy him condoms if he asked or we knew he was having sex. I don't believe it is tacit approval of him actually having sex, because you can state your disapproval. It is a matter of making sure he is prepared for a choice he is making. He will make the choice to have sex regardless of whether or not he has birth control. I did. His father did. He is a teenage boy and I expect he will make bad choices. We as parents will help mitigate those bad choices by providing him with condoms to protect himself.

We have two boy the same age. We are UUs, and our 8th grade religious education is a year of sex ed, so it's not a big mystery to our eldest.

I agree with the comment that "if you're old enough to have sex you're old enough to buy condoms" but I'd rather buy them than have two teenagers make a mistake in the heat of the moment that lasts a lifetime. A friend of ours has been battling cancer for 2 years - it's a nasty spreading kind that they have traced back to HPV. So, yeah, I'm buying.

Marianne at Mealmixer ( http://www.mealmixer.com )

I had the sex conversation with both my son and daughter. I provided information in the form of books "What's Happening to My Body" (for boys and the one for girls as well as the Our Bodies, Ourselves book). I didn't provide condoms but did provide money for condoms.

I told them as my mother told me when I went for my physical before college, "I don't want you to have sex because you are not emotionally ready to have sex or financially and emotionally prepared for the consequences of sex (i.e., "You play the married game, you get the married prize - a child.). However, I live in the real world and I know that it is likely that you are going to have sex soon, therefore it is your responsibility not to get pregnant and to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases. I told my son not to believe any girl (and now that he's grown) or woman who said she had birth control all taken care of, in addition to which birth control doesn't protect against STDs and HIV. It is very painful to have this conversation and take these actions with one's sweet and even not-so-sweet teenager who you want to remain innocent of such things, but it is absolutely imperative. Sex is a biological imperative encoded into our very beings. People have had it forever and will continue to.
I did a blog post that may be helpful to some of you "Real Questions to Discuss with Teens about Sex."
Congratulations for this very real post.

http://blog.candelariasilva.com ( http://blog.candelarisilva.com/ )

Good and plenty!

I absolutely cannot imagine that I would ever buy condoms for my sons. Of course, I would never buy them beer or pot either, two other things that society tells me my sons are going to experiment with.

We will talk openly with them (they are currently 9, 7, and 6) about sex and the many, many, MANY, reasons they should wait until they are married.

Having said that, if any of them should decide to have sex before they are married, we would certainly let them know what their options were and how to obtain condoms, whether they drive/walk/take a bus to a free clinic or purchase them with their own money.

As a past board member of Planned Parenthood, you can be sure my kids never had "The Talk" because we have been talking the talk since they could talk. I believe teaching my children about safe, loving, responsible, respectful sex is as important as teaching them how to how to clean a bathroom, how to cook a meal, how to balance a checkbook, how to have good manners, how to learn to love themselves and others, how to overcome adversity, how to take educated risks, how to give back, how to be the kind of human who honors our earth, how to be grateful for this precious gift we call life. Not sure I can accomplish all of the above but I am determined to try!

Gloria Steinem once said, "The first problem for all of us, women and men, is not to learn but to unlearn."
Lisen
www.prismwork.com ( http://www.prismwork.com )

Finally.
We are talking about a very positive way to change the course of what has become a heartbreaking epidemic in our society - the rates of STD's and HIV/AIDS are alarming - and yet so many of us refuse to be real with our children about safe sex practice. WE throw our daughters under the bus(and sons) by refusing to see how devastating it really is out there for our teenagers-
I loved 'debontherocks' comment - behavior - without all the drama -
just a realistic way to be safe.
Yes....be brave and offer condoms when you talk to your children about sex. How you frame your conversation will affect the impact of the conversation and what your kids take from it, as well. (as 'debontherocks' did)
My daughter and I started a company Just in Case, Inc. - we design and manufacture the first fashionista, very chic and discreet mirrored compact with a hidden compartment for condoms called JUST IN CASE.
We know that historically women have had to be responsible for birth control...but too often women are uncomfortable carrying them in their purses for fear of judgement, etc..... our compacts give them a beautiful way to actually carry condoms...just in case. So if a women is going to engage in sexual activity - and her boyfriend doesnt have a a condom - SHE does.
And there would be no negotiation on this part - use a condom or no sex. Period. It is an act of love to protect yourself - for yourself - AND your partner.
Unsafe sex today is like playing a game of Russian Rouleette - in a matter of seconds - your life could change forever - and not in ways you would ever imagine.
1 in 4 teens will get an STD. That is an in your face statistic - some of these diseases might cause infertility at the least.
I know that when you are in your teens - you dont necessarily think about tomorrow - of too far into the future - NOW is happening...and when you are "in love" things can get pretty out of hand very quickly -
SO.
If you have the condom - you are more likely to remember to USE one.

Please please, please be smart about this issue with your children - dont let your fear be greater that the love and sense of protection you feel knowing the grave risks that are present in our society.

Visit our website justincaseinc - we are the perfect product to have on hand when the conversation takes place... ours is a trend that just might save a life.
OUr mother/daughter business has turned into a mission - to be agents for change - to bring back to young women everywhere their sense that that they matter - that their sexuality is a precious part of who they are - and to cherish is and to look after themselves. OUr logline is:
Love Well. Love Wisely.

Please do.

As a parent of 2 boys one 12 the other almost 16 this is a big issues for us. We have been having 'the talk' since the boys were little and started asking questions (all age appropriate of course). I've been the primary educator as my husbands job takes him away a lot and frankly I believe it is the job of both parents to educate their kids. My take on it being a woman is slightly different to my husbands and I think they benefit from both perspectives. Plus I think if one parent doesn't want to discuss sex, it leaves them with a feeling that it is something they should be uncomfortable about.

We have been open to discussions about drugs & alcohol, world issues and pretty much everything. Luckily this has meant that the boys are pretty much open to discussing anything with us (hence my youngest deciding to tell me his balls were getting hairy on the drive to school).

Whilst I am hoping they will wait until they are older and more mature I am realistic enough to know that this may not be the case. I had this specific talk with my almost 16 year old a couple of months ago (though he tells me he has no plans to "do it" any time soon (with multiple teenage eye rolls). We discussed the practical, the emotional, psychological and social aspects of sex for both him, and I think importantly his girlfriend. The condom issue came up. We came to an agreement (which I hope he upholds) that if he starts to think about it that he'll talk to us, and if he asks we'll buy them. I want him to be safe and I want his girlfriend to be safe. I'm not condoning him having sex but I don't want it to be a spur of the moment back room at a party where he is unprepared and must live with the consequences.

It's not just the baby or STD issue but I think at their age they don't realise the emotional consequences or long term consequences of having sex.

My parents never discussed sex with either myself or my siblings as it was a shameful, dirty thing and I swear they still think I'm a virgin after 17 years of marriage and 2 kids. I had to find out info on my own and lets face it that's a hit and miss deal. As parents we have a responsibility to educate our kids about all aspects of sex in an open, honest and matter of fact manner.

Michelle Roger writes for Living With Bob (Dysautonomia) ( http://bobisdysautonomia.blogspot.com/ )

We told my son to ask if he needed anything, but when I recently went to the store and received a text that he needed condoms because he was out, I kind of freaked. Not toward him, but on the inside, I was a hot mess. I ended up having my husband take him to the store. I'm really appreciating reading this post and all the comments. I was supposed to be a "cool," understanding parent, but I think I turned into a big wimp. Raising teens is messy stuff!

Jennifer Crego 

I would, and I have. Before my son was old enough to drive by himself to the drug store (age 15) I bought a box of condoms & said, "Use these." I don't think that condones sexual promiscuity. The talking to them is the important thing, and you seem to be doing that. I look at it like this: Is telling your kid to wear a seat belt condoning reckless driving? NO - it's simply a preventive safety measure in the case that he needs it.

My party line on this is that if you aren't going to buy condoms because you are too broke, too embarrassed or too whatever to get them-you aren't ready to have sex.

My kids are always aware from the oldest to the youngest as to where they can get condoms for free and where in a store to find them. (Hey,the high school hands out large bags-free and gives a map to locations where more condoms can be procured.)

My kids have also been told where to find the condoms in the house that we have picked up for free at various events and bookstores.

Of course, this brings up the other issue-I have no problem with paying for the girls' prescription birth control when/if they choose to get it for whatever reason. They know that they best use a condom with it and I remind them of it frequently. (ok, I don't remind the married oldest child.)

I am fairly sure that the constant patter about STDs, condoms, birth control, etc-keeps the kids from jumping into sex on a whim. At least that is with all parenting theories-subject to future results. sigh.

Retro-Food.com

Though Nugget is eons (or so I think...I know it'll sneak up on us sooner than we want/think) away from doing the boink boink with a girl, I would totally buy him condoms if he told us or we found out he was having sex.

I'd rather he be safe and prepared than feel like I did nothing to help him be smart about the liberties he is taking with his body.

My mother felt less of a weight knowing that she provided me with condoms and an open invite to discuss all things sex from mechanics to kink when I came to her to take a pregnancy test that, almost instantly, screamed "YOU'RE PREGNANT, YO!"

I'd rather be available for Nugget and his subsequent future siblings than have even the slightest chance of selfishness if ever a surprise came knocking at our door.

This comment gives me hope for my family's future. It also makes me feel less alone in how I think about and plan to approach these issues. Sometimes people I know (and love) look at me like I have two heads when I talk about how I view these topics.

So, thanks. :)

Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )), from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ), is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

I would. I likely will. Of course, our home won't be a toss a condom at the kid and never discuss anything household. What I've been through has made me passionate about educating our youth about the ins and outs of respect, fertility, safety, emotional aspects and consequences. I can't give them all of the pertinent info and then just say, "Yeah, but I'm not going to actually help you achieve the safety part to avoid those consequences."

So, yes, I would/will. Will it kind of squick me out? Uh, yeah. Will I get over it? Yes I will.

Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )), from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ), is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

I did/do. And I don't think it's condoning sex as much as getting them comfortable with what I hope is a long relationship with condoms in their lives. I think of that as part of my job as a parent of good young men. At one of the many, many STD/birth control/responsible sexuality/OMG are we talking about this again discussions I told each of them that condoms could be found in the bandaid box, they were welcome to them for themselves or their friends to use or practice with no questions asked or assumptions made, to learn how to use them, not to waste them as water balloons, how to get more (free at Planned Parenthood and Health Department for example, or in stores) how to dispose of them properly, and to always wear one. I want them healthy and safe, and I do not want to be a grandmother yet. I want their partners to not have to feel alone in being aware of the need for protection. And I figured when they did decide to take on sexuality and had much more difficult questions than about condoms, they would know I could bear having the discussions--which has been true.

Deb Rox

3 Smart Girlz ( http://www.3smartgirlz.com/ ) consulting

Blog ( http://www.debontherocks.com/ ) like a freaking butterfly, sting like a Tweet. ( http://www.twitter.com/debontherocks )

It is a very hard thing to decide but I would have to say yes. I would give my daughter the pill so I would buy condoms for my son. Here is the thing with the giving approval, they do not need it. They do not really want it. They just want to do it, and do it they will. I DO NOT want grandchildren before their parents have jobs nor do I want children who get adult diseases that they carry with them for life. I buy condoms for my baby brother in college so I would hold my nose close my eyes and ears and buy them for my kid. It would KILL me but as a mommy hard choices are the ones we have to make.

Michelle

I blog at http://www.mommycan.blogspot.com/