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Although single women certainly have preferences when it comes to the type of men we’d like to date, I usually subscribe to the “never say never” mentality. For instance, I’d like for my date to be taller than me, but I bet there are some perfectly nice shorties out there who could change my mind. I’d like to date someone who’s never been married, but I’ve been out with a number of divorced guys and it was never an issue.
There’s one preference that requires a little more thought, though, and that’s the question of whether a single, childless woman -- especially if that woman isn’t sure if she wants kids herself -- would date a man who already has a child.
Whenever I look at a new guy’s online dating profile, one of the first things I look at is the “Have Kids?” section. If his answer is “none,” I’ll keep reading the profile. If his answer is “1,” usually I’ll keep looking through the profile, but there has to be something super great for me to consider initiating contact. If his answer is “2” or more? I close the browser window immediately. No way.
I signed up with online dating last July, and since that time I’ve exchanged emails with a small number of guys who had a child (I’d guess that it’s been less than five men), but for one reason or another I never met any of them in person. It seems like childless men -- as long as we seem somewhat compatible and interested in each other -- don’t have to do nearly as much to impress me as a man who has a kid. Is that fair? Probably not. Is that what I’ve found myself doing? Absolutely.
I’ve also thought about the fact that this issue is different for single mothers than it is for single fathers. If a man is searching for a woman online and he sees that she has a child, he knows there’s a good possibility that her child lives with her full-time. He has to consider whether he’s okay with that...does he want to date a single mother?...should he volunteer to pay for the babysitter when they go out?...is he ready to possibly become a father figure? But if I’m looking at men with children, at least in the initial stages of a relationship I’d mainly just have to consider how often he has visitation.
If you date someone who has a child, you have to ask yourself if you’d be okay with certain things. In addition to visitation, he’s most likely giving a big chunk of his paycheck for child support. Also, the age of the child can be a factor. If the kid is young, do you want to deal with crying, and temper tantrums, and soiled diapers? If the kid is an adolescent or teenager, do you want to deal with angst and resentment? Not that any of those things would definitely happen, but you never know. There’s a lot to take under consideration when it’s not just you and him.
I may have a “never say never” mentality when it comes to my dating preferences, but the kid-factor is a huge consideration. The truth is, I’m not interested in being a mother anytime soon…it’s not difficult to imagine myself remaining childless for the rest of my life. At this point, I’m also not interested in taking care of anyone else’s child. And really, I don’t think that’s harsh. I think that’s just being honest.
Would you date someone who had a kid?
Related Reading:
Mollie at College Candy asks, Would You Ever Date A Baby Daddy? She wouldn’t.
Essentially, dating a baby daddy is like begging the deities for major DRAMA -- not to mention suddenly becoming semi to completely responsible for a child. Who needs all that? Right now, not me. Which is why I’ll be sticking to the super cute, funny and smart guys with great jobs who DON’T have babies. Lucky for me, there are more of those guys to go around.
CNN: Emily Farris says, Go ahead -- date a single dad!
Single-ish: Would You Date a Dude with a Kid?
Glamour.com: I'm Dating a Baby Daddy. (“How does it feel when your boyfriend's ex is pregnant -- and he's the father? More women than ever are finding out. Here, the story of one
