A Wrinkle in Time (and My Face)
by Suzanne Reisman

Three weeks before my 24th birthday, the cashier at the corner grocery refused to sell me a lottery scratch-off until I showed him my ID. He was afraid that I was part of a sting operation to catch vendors selling lotto tickets to minors. While many women would be offended that they were mistaken for a 16 year old, I was used to it. Until recently, when my appearance has caught up to my actual age, people always thought that I was much younger than I was.

I have mixed feelings about age and appearance. We live in a culture in which 12 year old (or younger) girls strive to look 25, while 40 year olds strive to look... 25. As a teen, it never bothered me that people thought I was in junior high. It almost was a badge of pride that people consistently mistook me for my sister, who is 4 years younger than I and about six inches taller. (The funny thing is that she has a very young face, too. People just assume that the taller sibling must be older.) During visits home from college, I'd visit my mother in the school in which she worked. The seniors looked older than me, but I fit right in with the freshmen and sophomores.

At work, I conducted trainings and workshops on financing and developing child care facilities for community-based organizations. It was not uncommon for a participant to walk into the room, eye me up and down, and declare that I look like I belong in child care myself. While this is rather insulting, I used it to my advantage. I figured if their expectations were low, then they'd be extra blown away by my expertise. Usually I was right.

At any rate, I knew that things would likely catch up to me, and I swore that I would be fine with looking my age when it happened. As a feminist, I want to be proud of who I am, the life I've led so far, and the experience that I accumulated over the years. I don't use moisturizer to prevent wrinkles, and I only wear sunscreen as a preventative measure against skin cancer, not the aging effects of the sun. So when I went to a bar with younger colleagues a few years ago and was the only one who was not carded, I was surprised at how not OK I felt about it. "Shit," I sighed, "I'm starting to look my age." (Keep in mind that I was probably 27 at the time and hardly haggish.)

Since then, I've only caught up with myself more rapidly. Maybe my short hair makes me look more sophisticated (i.e. - older) than the medium length style I wore since college. Or perhaps the constant stress I felt at my last job made me acquire a constantly tired look.

Whatever it is, it is taking getting used to. Unlike many of my friends, I am still free of gray, so I don't yet have to deliberate over whether I'll cover it or not. Despite the new wrinkles, I still don't use moisturizer or lotion. I may cringe a bit when people tell me I look 32 (which I am), but I'm not going to fight it. I'll just sigh a lot, I think.

Four other women discuss aging:

  • "Passing" as Young by Feminist Finance
  • Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Stop Coloring Your Hair… by Lisa R. Pruitt at Feminist Legal Theory
  • Going Gray: It's Not Just for Old Folks Any More by Laurie and Debbie at Body Impolitic
  • Sisters Are Doin' It for Themselves… Well, Maybe Not Yet by Jenner at We Had a Really Hispanic Time, Thank You!

    • How do you feel about aging?

    Suzanne continues to grow haggish at Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants

    Submitted by Suzanne Reisman (view blog) on Thu, 02/28/2008 - 15:48

    Comments

     

    A Wrinkle In Time (and Face)

    I have always had the same problem - well um, I used to anyway. Except I would get upset when I was a teenager, after turning 21 I loved it - I mean who did not want to get carded when we had a REAL i.d. that was not fake.
    These days it happens less and less - I am looking my age too, and the bags under my eyes are there (I blame the kids and my business) to stay. I would say you look about 35 - if that helps.

    Thanks for the great post!

    Jamie Risdon Lentzner
    www.jpd.typepad.com
    www.jamiespnd.com

    Submitted by JPD Mom on Thu, 02/28/2008 - 15:10
     

    Not looking my age, after all

    Ooof! I'm 32. I guess I need to start acknowledging that I look older than I am. I'll blame the makeup I foolishly slathered on for the picture. Makeup can make one look older, right? Right????

    Sigh. :)

    Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
    Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants

    Submitted by Suzanne Reisman on Thu, 02/28/2008 - 15:19
     

    Wrinkle in Time

    LOL - oh no I am so sorry , I did not look close. I am 38 I assume everyone is just talking about turning 40 (because that is the age I am so close to, and so do not look forward to!)

    I am so embarassed, go ahead and tell me I look 50 - I deserve it!

    Jamie Risdon Lentzner
    www.jpd.typepad.com
    www.jamiespnd.com

    Submitted by JPD Mom on Thu, 02/28/2008 - 15:32
     

    Not at all!

    I found it funny. Honestly. :)

    Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
    Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants

    Submitted by Suzanne Reisman on Thu, 02/28/2008 - 15:39
     

    I just have to laugh

    I hope you're not offended Suzanne but the idea of someone who's 32 writing about aging is kind of funny. I don't think you can even imagine how you'll feel about aging until you're well into your forties and suddenly realize "I 'm getting close to what is normally considered *old*"

    And one piece of advice (since I am 59, I'm allowed to give this kind of advice.) Start using eye cream, moisturizer, and sunscreen as if your life depended on it, because when you really notice you need it, it will be too late by then to prevent the damage. And no matter how much you don't mind "looking your age" no one really wants to look years older than their age, which is what will happen if you don't take care of your skin.

    Kalyn Denny
    Kalyn's Kitchen

    Submitted by Kalyn Denny on Thu, 02/28/2008 - 15:58
     

    It's all about taking care of your skin

    Growing up I was never the cute girl. But a funny thing happened on the way to my 40s and 50s -- I have good skin.Some of it is genetic. Some of it is dumb luck -- I have a sun allergy and stopped sunbathing at 18 so I spared my face a lot of sun damage .

    I now feel very lucky that my skin is my friend. SometimesI ges mistaken for 15 years younger than I am. At other times, people guess my age spot on. And at 56 I totally agree with Kalyn. Moisturize. Moisturize. Moisturize. When you need more, there are wonderful serums. Even so, I do have saggy eyelids and that neck thing that Nora Ephron talks about is beginning to happen.

    I am trying to embrace the physically aging me. But its not always easy. And there are some days when you look in the mirror and you just have to go YIKES.

    elana
    Blogher Contributing Editor,Business&CareersFunnyBusiness

    Submitted by Elana Centor on Fri, 02/29/2008 - 06:59
     

    Moisturizer

    It's funny because I used to get mistaken for being younger, but since I've had kids that hasn't been the case. I think it's because pretty much wherever I go I have them with me and if I don't for the longest time I had spit up on shirt or some other parent give away. I've always used moisturizer, Eucerin etc., on my face because first of all, I don't want to have dry itchy skin and second I was told by my dermatologist in high school that it's part of a healthy skin care program. It helps build up your skin to prevent against damage from the elements and can even help with acne because acne can be made worse if your skin is dried out. I wear facial moisturizer with sun block. To me it's right up there with brushing your teeth in the morning. I take care of the rest of my body, why not my skin? I do find it interesting though that I know so many people, in particular women, who almost take pride in the fact that they don't use moisturizer. I think it's because they lump it into cosmetics. To me that's analogous to people who lump fruit into the dessert category. In fact, my boys (4 and 20 months) use Eucerin on the recommendation of their pediatrician for a daily facial lotion.

    I know what you're saying about aging. It's important to me to take pride in getting older. I'm always very up front with people about my age. However, I did start to go gray at 20. It' s not terrible, but at 32 I do have significantly more gray than most of my friends. I've come to a happy comprise with highlights because it's lessens the gray, but at the same time doesn't completely hide it. I actually feel that what it ultimately does is make me look my age. I don't feel that taking pride in my age means that I have to be extreme. There's so many ways out there I can take pride in my age and try and look nice at the same time whether it's choice of clothes, a hair cut etc. Hey, if I really didn't care how I looked I wouldn't bother brushing my hair in the morning.
    Alex Eliot, Formula Fed and Flexible Parentingt

    Submitted by A Elliot on Sun, 03/02/2008 - 06:10
    BlogHer

    © Copyright 2008 BlogHer | Terms of Service