Getting Over My Insecurities and Writing Through It

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I want to write.

I want to write something that will make you laugh. I want to write something that will make you cry. I want to write something that will make you nod your head in agreement. I want to write something that will make you shake your fist at your computer monitor in anger. I want to make something that will make you think. I want to write something that will make you appreciate what you have a little bit more.

I want to write something that will make you jealous. I want to write something that will make you want to be my friend. I want to write something that will make you hate me just a little bit. I want to write something that will make you pick up the phone to call someone to tell them you love them. I want to write something that will make you want to hug someone. I want to write something that will make you want to turn on your music and dance all by yourself. I want to write something that makes you wish you were a kid again. I want to write something that makes you want to grow old.

I want to write something that will make you close your eyes and remember the time. I want to write something that makes you weak in the knees. I want to write something that gives you butterflies. I want to write something that makes you crave something delicious to eat. I want to write something that makes you never want to eat again. I want to write something wonderful. I want to write something awful. I want to write something that doesn't make sense. I want to write something that makes everything clear. I want to write something that inspires you to be a better person. I want to write something that makes you appreciate every minute you have with your loved ones. I want to write something that you wish you had written first.

I just want to write.

Words. Thoughts. Stories. Observations. Opinions.

Good. Bad. Stupid. Funny. Smart. Thoughtprovoking. Silly. Hilarious. Serious. Simple. Complicated.

Words. I want to write words.

But I'm afraid.

I'm a wimp.

I'm plagued with insecurities.

I'm afraid you'll hate it. I'm afraid you'll love it. I'm afraid it won't be good enough. I'm afraid it will be so good. I'm afraid it won't make you laugh. I'm afraid it won't make you cry. I'm afraid you'll roll your eyes. I'm afraid you'll shut the page and never come back. I'm afraid you'll go on message boards and talk about how much you hate me. I'm afraid you'll mock me. I'm afraid you'll call my children names. I'm afraid I'll never write another post as good as the one before. I'm afraid it has all been said before. I'm afraid I'm too boring. Too fat. Too dumb. Too ugly. Too bland. Too generic.

I want to write. But I hold back. I hold back so much, so many times. I've written and deleted post after post after post. Too chickenshit to hit publish.

I want to stop worrying and just start writing again.

I'm going to hit publish on this post and walk away. And I'm going to do the same thing tomorrow and the day after that.

Every day that I can find time, I will write. No matter what you think. No matter what I think. No matter what my one troll in Alabama thinks.

Writing is what I love to do and I'm tired of not doing what I love.

You can read more from Y at Joy Unexpected.

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