My birthday is just around the corner and as a gift my mother sent me this:

Apparently, she thinks I’m turning TEN this year and wants all my girlfriends to be jealous of me at our next SLEEPOVER PARTY.

see, my mother loves to shop and every once in a while she’ll have what
one can assume to be a psychotic episode only to then purchase
something that she found on sale and of course cannot return. Not being
one to waste, she’ll immediately try and pawn it off on me or one of my
sisters and will naturally be turned down. Problem is, she doesn’t give
up trying and on top of that doesn’t recall NOT giving up trying and
inevitably will once again offer up this pile of hideousness as if for
the very first time only to be told, “Ma, it was hideous at
Thanksgiving, hideous at Hannukah, butt ugly at Passover and I’m not
sure why, maybe it’s the warm weather, but if you don’t take it away
right now, I just might get sick on it." Then, to make matters worse,
she will actually walk away INSULTED and utter something under her
breath like, "Fine, if don't like it. Just don't say I never buy you

And the thing is, it's not like I can re-gift it.
My God, I wouldn't even DONATE it. They'd probably ban me from e-bay
for even LISTING it.

I'm sorry, but next year, I'm going for the cash.


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