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Ethical Dilemmas: What Would You Do If Your Friend Was Having an Affair With Another Friend's Husband?

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I love it when women share opinions because we are excellent at deep advice and consult. As the contributing editor for Religion & Spirituality, I have also been interested to see how my writing area and the secular world intersect every day when we make choices that are ethical decisions. So let's bring everyone together in a hot discussion about a fictional event that needs an ethical decision.

Today we offer an event with three dear friends that could really happen, and we're letting you decide what you would do if it happened in your life! There are no wrong answers. So read on, think about your response, and then dive right in and tell us what you would do!

An Ethical Dilemma

You have been friends with Susan and Marie for a long time. You are all married now, and your husbands even get along! You still all live within about a ten mile radius, so getting together as couples happens a lot. All three of you even had babies around the same time, so it has been natural to take group camping trips and to gather up the whole gang to go on picnics, sporting events or to the beach together. You see each other at least once very few weeks.

Three Friends Smiling

Today starts out like an average Saturday, but changes quickly. Your husband just left to run some errands at Home Depot. You are home when Marie calls. She is in tears, asking if you are alone and if she can come over for a few minutes. She has to talk with you. Of course, you agree. When she arrives, her eyes are red-rimmed from crying. She begs you to keep what she is about to tell you confidential. You agree, of course. She is a dear friend who is obviously suffering.

It takes a few minutes, but finally she blurts out the problem. She has been having a brief affair that just split up. She is ashamed that she let herself be unfaithful, but she vows to you she will never slip up again, even though she is still very powerfully attracted to this man.

You would have never guessed that she would stray. You are shocked.

She tells you that they both agree that the affair is wrong, and they should not have done it. She is telling you because she feels that by telling someone she knows, she will stay faithful to the man she loves, her husband. "I have to get this out of fantasy and into the real world," she says. "I love Stan, and I don't want to destroy our marriage."

She tells you over and over that it was just a physical thing with the other man, but a very powerful attraction. Then she tells you the worst news:

The other man was your mutual friend Susan's husband.

She is stricken with embarrassment and shame. You are stunned. You listen, but say little, other than to hand her fresh Kleenex and get her some tea. Your mind is racing, but you seem to have run out of words. She just keeps talking, reminding you of your vow of confidentiality. She tells you how hard it will be to stay away from Susan's husband, but that she knows that she must. No one knows she is telling you this, not even Susan's husband.

At this point, your husband walks in from Home Depot, and Marie finds a quick reason to leave, hiding her tears from your husband. She gives you a huge hug and thanks you for being her friend.

Marie is a friend, but no more so than Susan, who has been betrayed. You have some events coming up on the calendar where the three couples will be present. You will have to spend time with Marie and her lover and the two spouses who do not know that

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peaceloveandunderstanding 5 pts

i would let the cards fall as they will, and stay out of it. it is not about me. eventually, the truth will come out. if it doesn't , and nothing else becomes of it anyway, what does it matter? really? if her husband is a runaround, it will eventually come to light. a lot more pain, to a lot more people might unnecessarily be caused by saying something. when it may just end up being a lesson learned in the marriage journey for the two who had the affair. maybe they;ll both get divorced for other reasons, and still, two people would have been spared the hurt of the affair. who knows? not my business. i was just an ear for a friend who was learning the lesson.
then there is the voice that says, i'd tell my friend who's husband had the affair with her friend, because if i were in her shoes, i would want someone to tell me. i really would. so... could be that that friend would sense the problem and ask my advice... not sure i would lie. tough one... but since my motto is... when in doubt..do nothing. i probably wouldn't tell unless i was asked straight out if i knew something. note to self; don't ever tell a friend of a friend of whose husband i am havingan affair with that i'm having an affair... oh yeah.. i don't mess with the husbands of others.

rachelFaith 5 pts

It's one thing to confide in a friend. Even marital infidelity may have been tmi since the frienship is mutual between the wives and husbands and they have alot of interaction. She could just have easily left out the information about the mutual friends husband though. I think in this scenario there is just one bit of oversight and that is that this author never seems to consider once Mr. Marie

Mata H 5 pts

Interesting points about the entwinements of karma..thanks for your observations!
Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

karenmblack 5 pts

Wow, real glad I don't have this one on my plate!

On one hand, I'd try to stay compassionate for those involved. No one consciously 'chooses' an affair with a friend's spouse. Who would? There are at the very least some unconscious psychological issues and quite likely karmic stuff going on here.

Explosive situations sometimes build because we don't deal with the small stuff as it comes up. A crisis is requied in order for us to pay attention and make changes in our lives that are for our 'higher' good. Then again, karma isn't always logical, so who am I to say?

It's certainly not my place to figure out someone else's karma, though I would wonder about it. But the fact that I was also entwined by being the confidante, means that there's something going on with my karma, too. That IS for me to figure out.

In a case like this... I don't think I could keep the secret. I'd be angry that I was dragged in. Though I'd always remain accountable for the role in which I was cast, so to speak.

I would strongly encourage that the truth come out, and would likely feel so uncomfortable that it's likely I'd back away from the friendships regardless. At least for a while.

I have encountered a number of situations where I was the 'confidante' - it seems I have an honest face. :-)

With one, the respective couples split on their own accord and moved on, and three years later, the two that had the affair are still together and quite happy.

In the other case, it was a woman friend who confided multiple affairs - I didn't know the men well. In the end, I ended the friendship with her as I choose not to support lies.

The compassionate approach is certainly a two-sided coin. Trying not to be judgmental. While not getting sucked in. A tricky thing to be sure.

KB

Karen M. Black
Heart explorer and Founder
The Soulmate Site ( http://www.the-soulmate-site.com )

Mata H 5 pts

Thanks for an interesting view regarding setting limits for the future. Good point. How would your silence affact your friendships in this group? Or would it?

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

Hi Kali --

How do you decide if an infidelity is a "mistake" or an "affair"?

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

brittannia 5 pts

i am a firm believer that all truths do not need to be told. If telling the truth serves no purpose other than creating more pain then i say keep it to yourself. I would not tell. First, who am I to judge and pass sentence on another? We each have to live with our own mistakes or decisions. I would not get involved in something like this because usually you end up being the bad guy. Would I want to know? Maybe. Maybe not. I certainly feel it is wrong for one friend to give the other an ultimatum and a time frame on coming clean. Instead i would tell her to please not tell me anymore. I wont say anything, and i am not going to judge, but dont confide in me about something like this anymore.
Again, not all truths need to be told. If you feel bad and need to confess, deal with it. Why hurt so many other people because you feel guilty? Find a way to live with it.
Besides, what gives me the right to decide what gets told and what doesnt. Nothing. Thats what.

The Boss Of Me 5 pts

Kali Capps

I usually try to stay out of other people's drama entirely, but this case may call for something a little more aggressive on my part.

I'd first tell Marie that while I do remember signing the confidentiality agreement, I cannot agree to keep her dirty little secret a secret any longer. It was extremely selfish of her to have put me in that position in the first place (but is not shocking considering her affair with a friend's husband). I'd tell her she needed to be honest with Susan. What she decides to do within her own family is her business because it's her family. I assume, however, she may want to mention it to her husband before Susan does.

Would I want to know if it were my husband? I've asked myself the question more times than I'd like to admit. In my experience, it kind of depends. If I had absolutely no idea or inkling whatsoever that it happened and there was absolutely no way I could ever find out otherwise, keep it to yourself. I don't want to be forced to live with his mistake if that's all it was - a mistake. If it were an affair or if I had suspicion but doubted myself and my instinct only to find out eventually I was right the whole time ... yeah, go ahead an let me in on it now. I don't like the feeling of not knowing for sure. If I ask - I want the truth. If I don't ask - keep your mouth shut ;)

Mata H 5 pts

Thanks for replying. This sure is a tough one!

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

islander girl 5 pts

Yes, but I would take my husband with me for moral support and to explain why we won't be able to hang out with all of them anymore.

Mata H 5 pts

I'm afraid you are right hen you say 'The couple compatibility is totally dissolved. "

Would you be able to tell both parties who had been betrayed?

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

islander girl 5 pts

There is no point in NOT teling Susan about Marie and Susan's husbands affair.

The couples can never have a relaxed relationship again.

For one, the only way to end a relationship fully is to remove yourself from the situation.

So if she is truly serious in ending the affair then she has to acknowledge that life as they knew it is over. It is going to take everything her and Stan have together to overcome her unfaithfulness.

And Susan needs to get told in case her husband doesn't come clean because otherwise she will be at future risk also.

The couple compatibility is totally dissolved. One healthy couple does not spend ample time with couples that are having marital problems.

You can try to be freinds to both girls and try to be there for them but even then you would feel traitorous to Susan by being friends with Marie also.

Wow!! What a mess. Good thing her and her husband are still intact.

Hopefully everyone will learn from it and recoup!

Julie Metz 5 pts

As the author of a book on the subject of infidelity, and as someone who has experienced betrayal firsthand, I can tell you that this is a very complicated situation with no easy solutions.

Marie has placed you in a truly painful situation by confiding in you. In a perfect world, Marie would tell Susan and her own husband about the affair and accept the consequences, whatever they are. Perhaps the group of friends can work through this, perhaps not— that all depends on the individuals and circumstances involved.

If Marie will not speak to Susan and her husband, then I think that you should do this, both for the sake of your friendship with Susan and for your own sanity. It will not be possible to spend meaningful time with Susan if you are keeping this kind of secret. Susan will feel that you are hiding something and that will cause further damage, so however painful it is, I would encourage you to do Susan a favor by telling her what has been going on, though her reaction to you as "the messenger" may surprise you.

Whatever happens, Marie's affair with Susan's husband is going to shake up the safe world of friendship you have relied on for many years. In the near term the three-family socializing will be dismantled and you may feel suddenly lost, confused, even angry. While you feel rightfully shocked at Marie's and Susan's husband's behavior, it will still be hard to lose this friendship after so many years. Many conflicting feelings will take over as you try to sort through this situation. And remember that if all your kids are peers, their own relationships will be affected as well.

Depending on how Susan and Marie's husband react to the revelation of this affair, further disruption in this group of friends seems inevitable, and you may have to brace yourself for some big fallout: Susan and/or Marie's marriage might unravel quickly.

In this situation, you will want to do everything you can to support yourself, your friend Susan, and your children through this time. Even a truly contrite Marie deserves some compassion, though you may no longer wish to be friends with her. You can eventually find forgiveness for Marie without wanting to be friends anymore. But whatever you think about Marie and what she has done, you should allow yourself some space to grieve over the friendship that you had for so long. We are flawed creatures and Marie has shown serious human flaws. But you cared for her deeply for many years and it is hard to just turn off that kind of love.

Mata H 5 pts

Bringing up karma is a good idea here....thanks for your comment!

mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

frankilee79 5 pts

Write On,,, when there seems to be no use in it, when u think what good it;ll do,,,,,, just WRITE ON!

Franki Lee

Well, I do not make the lips sealed promise but my friends know me and know that I will keep the secret unless I absolutly feel that I cannot do that in good conscience.
I honestly don't know,,, I mean by keeping this from one friend, you are as guilty as the people who had the affair and I really believe in Karma and what goes around comes around.
I have her chose, tell Susan or I will.
Sure you don't want to hurt your friend with this bombshell but wouldn't she be more hurt if she found out later on and found out that you knew would she or would she not be more hurt that you were an assessory after the fact and did nothing about it?
And if the roles were switched, wouldn't we want somebody to stand up and say something? Well, maybe not but we certainly have the right to know. I just meant that nobody WANTSto be told news like that.
I say betray her trust like she betrayed her friend. And likre aaustin said
"I don't choose to keep friends who behave that way. It could be my husband next!"

Mata H 5 pts

I think you re right -- at least as far as I would be concerned -- when you say that one would always think differently of the straying partners.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

Interesting reply -- that you might also go to the husband. i see your point.

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

Yes, anger seems to be big part of the response here.

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

HollyH 5 pts

I would try to encourage Marie to seek some form of counseling in hopes that she would then include Stan in the process for a marriage counseling. Since it is apparent there are problems in her marriage, it is imperative they both have the counseling.

However, it may come out in the process that Marie had an affair, no less than with her friend's husband which could make things tricky. I don't think the friendship of Susan and Marie and their spouses can stay what it was before. I believe they would go their separate ways.

Since I had a straying partner myself and eventually divorced him, I speak from experience saying that you may be able to forgive him or her in a sense, but to actually be able to totally forget about an affair - no way - it is always in the back of your mind, especially when you and your spouse are in the intimate sense.

I don't see these 3 couples maintaining the same relationship as they had prior to the affair and as the odd couple out, I would seek to find some new friends while continuing to keep these friendships but on a different level than before. You could deny that you wouldn't think differently of the straying partners, but you wouldn't - don't kid yourself.

Megan Smith 5 pts

A tough situation. But I couldn't pretend I didn't know this secret to save my life. Socializing with all of these people would be impossible without them knowing something had changed in our relationship.

And if they're as close as you say, the minute my husband and I pulled back from the relationship, I would think they'd be asking questions.

Having said that, I'd be sorely angry at Marie for dragging me into the secret, and for betraying such a good friend in the first place. I would encourage her to come clean and I might even have to go to Susan's husband, let him know I know, and encourage him to come clean as well.

If neither of them told Susan in a reasonable amount of time, I'd probably have to tell Susan something along the lines of "Marie confided something to me that is very disturbing and makes it difficult for me to feel normal socializing with her anymore. It involves all of us, including you but she needs to tell you what it is herself."

Then I'd try to be around for Susan to help pick up the pieces.

Megan

TV/Online Video Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/megan-smith )

Megan's Minute ( http://www.megansminute.com/ )

Meg's Rad Reviews ( http://www.megsradreviews.com )

Mom_2_Four 5 pts

Since the women have been friends for a long time, I wonder if they ever had the 'what if' conversation on cheating. If so, then they should know how the others feel about telling/not telling.

I see it as the 'confession' is more of a 'cowardly' act; knowing full well you'd tell Susan - maybe she would rather you be the bearer of bad news?! I firmly believe in 'minding your own business'! It's not my place to turn 2 families upside down.

I would be keeping my distance from both couples, at least for a while, with the understanding that some relationships may or may not be mended.

I would be mad that the 2 selfish parties involved have now changed the dynamics of what was a great 3 couple friendship.

Mata H 5 pts

You think men don't tell? Wow, I have found that men can be even more gossipy than women under certain circumstances. Each man is different, I guess.

If Susan is not as close to you as Marie, why would you not tell her? Is it a question of which friendship you could be prepared to save or lose?

This is a toughie to be sure!

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

queenoftheclick 5 pts

Is Susan a best friend? If it is, then it changes the situation a bit.

Marie confided in you because she messed up and needed to tell someone to feel less guilty. She went to you because she believes you love her unconditionally and would still accept her. She would never have told you if she even thought for a second that you would say anything.

Yes, you should tell your husband. Your husband won't tell anyone because men are different than women.

Ok so now for Susan....if Susan is a closer friend to you than Marie, then you NEED to tell her. You will be sacrificing your friendship with Marie, but it may be necessary.

For upcoming gatherings, grab some wine and remind yourself that people make mistakes. You are there for the celebration. Mingle with other guests and bring pics of your family so you have things to talk about it.

Queen of the Click~Taking Over the World From Brooklyn, NY

http://www.queenoftheclick.com

Mata H 5 pts

One of the recurring elements in the responses here is anger. I surely understand that!

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

It isn't clear whether or not you would coninue on with the friendship. This is a tough one.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

That is a very interesting take on the situation. Especially: In other words, if Marie is hoping to preserve the friendship by keeping silent, she needs to know it's permanently altered already, through her telling me.

Great point!

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

SCanon 5 pts

I had to take some time to ponder this mess before commenting.
The bottom line is that Marie and the cheating husband have pretty much ruined the tight friendship group we had previously enjoyed. I would be mad about that. Because now that Marie has spilled her guts to me and I know, there's no going back. There's no happy friendship time anymore to be had.

Why Marie would betray not only "the man she loves" but also a long time friend is a mystery. I know that mistakes happen. And perhaps from all of the shared time together, something came out of it. We ARE only human. It would be hard for me to not be judgmental in a case where someone close and dear to me stands to be hurt.

If I were Susan, I would want to know. The added hurt of finding out that not only did your husband cheat with a good friend, but also that another good friend KNEW about it and didn't say anything would basically ruin my friendship with both women. I'd have to wonder how much I treasure my friendship with both of these women. Now that the news is out to me, it can't be kept a secret...it just can't. It's too much to ask me to carry that around from people I know and care about.

Again, this happy tri-couple friendship ended as soon as the affair was had. I can't be party to hiding the secret. I wouldn't want to lose either of my friends (even though it might be safe to assume that they may not be friends with each other anymore after the secret is revealed). In the end, it was just a crappy thing to do to tell me about it and expect me to keep quiet.
Somer blogs at Merry Wife of Canon ( http://www.merrywifeofcanon.com ) as well as Smell My Plate ( http://www.smellmyplate.com ).

nancylowery@actfinancially.com 5 pts

I would first listen as a friend and then advise her that she has really put me and my husband in a dilemma. If these are all really good friends and not just acquaintances, it will be very noticeable something is wrong, so she and he need to come clean with their spouses and get it over with. I, do not know how my husband would react for sure but I don't think he would want me to talk to the others, he would say it is not our place to interfere or judge and if we are truly friends, we should just accept their foibles and move on as well.

Just_Margaret 5 pts

so my guess is that he would agree w/ the leave-it-alone approach. The decision to back off from the friendship would likely be a joint one!

~Margaret

Just Margaret ( http://maurhoffbarney.blogspot.com )

BarbD 5 pts

I've been the wronged spouse who got the news of my husband's affair via a phone call from the affair partner's sister. And for many years after my eventual divorce, I participated in the old Usenet group, alt.support.divorce. It was helpful for me to continue working through my own feelings about affairs through the experiences of others. I think I came to a more balanced place than I might have otherwise.

All of that said, in this situation Maria has done something psychologists call triangulation -- made me a party to something in her life that I have no business being a part of. I would not find it possible to continue socializing with all three couples following this, nor do I want to insert myself into the story by telling Susan myself.

I think what I would tell Marie is that there is no way I can continue socializing together with the burden of this knowledge. And that while I can't tell her and her affair partner what they should do, in the case where a relationship has crossed the boundaries amongst close friends, they owe it to the friendship and their own spouses to come clean.

In other words, if Marie is hoping to preserve the friendship by keeping silent, she needs to know it's permanently altered already, through her telling me. That this will have ramifications both in my relationship with her and Susan as well as on our socializing as couples.

It's hard to say whether Marie and I will still be friends on the other side of all this. It would certainly test the bounds of our relationship but not because I was sitting in judgment on her and finding her lacking. If there's anything I've learned it's that people you would never expect to have affairs have succumbed, and I don't feel a need to punish them for it. In all likelihood, they'll handle that quite well on their own.

If Marie and her affair partner take the honorable route and confess, it's also likely I'll face a conversation with Susan asking if I had any knowledge of the affair. Marie needs to know that I will tell her the truth. Depending on whether Susan is the kind of person who wants to be told or not, this will likely affect my friendship with her as well.

But honestly -- I see no way out of this dilemma that will preserve the relationships. And every chance that no matter what course of action you take, it could end the friendships entirely.

Mata H 5 pts

You bring an interesting perspective from your experience as the wronged woman. It must have been very hard to know that others around you knew and kept silent.

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

I appreciate the dilemma in what you said..."Although I would want to know if my husband betrayed me, I know it would be hard to be the bearer of that news."

And I LOVE the Hughes quote!
Thanks for yet anther thoughtful comment.

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

yep, lots of reasons to feel angry here for sure!

Thanks for your comment -

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

Just for the sake of discussion, since you would tell your husband in this fictional example, I wonder what HE would do?

Thanks for the comment!

Mata

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

Mata H 5 pts

Interesting approach! Thanks for your comment!!

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

DivorceCandy 5 pts

I am the type of person that wants to know. I would want to know if my husband was unfaithful to me. I think in this case I would tell Marie that it is her job to tell Susan. And if she isn't going to, I might have to because that is what I would want my friend to do for me. I have been in the situation before where I was dating someone and he was sleeping with my best friend and my close friends all knew but I didn't. They kept it from me because my other friend kept promising she would tell me and she didn't. I resented my friends for a while for not telling me because I wasn't the one who did anything wrong and I felt stupid for being the only one in the dark.

Candelaria Silva 5 pts

I had a very similar situation happen about 20 years ago and have just had in happen again with a different set of friends.

In both cases, I kept confidential but told my friend that I disagreed with her action and that I didn't want to know any more about it. I told her I hoped it was truly over. The affair ended. The husband in my scenario ended up leaving his wife, turned out he cheated with several other women one of whom he decided to marry. I have never told the injured friend or the husband that I knew but I did find myself pulling away from them.

Although I would want to know if my husband betrayed me, I know it would be hard to be the bearer of that news. I also don't think infidelity is necessarily a reason to end a marriage. I think it has to be taken on a case-by-case basis.

To quote from a Langston Hughes story, "there are some things I wouldn't tell God himself if he didn't already know."

http://blog.candelariasilva.com ( http://blog.candelarisilva.com/ )

Good and plenty!

JennaHatfield 9 pts

I'd want someone to tell me and I'd tell Susan. Sorry. If Susan WASN'T my friend? I wouldn't tell her. But she's my friend. I'm aware that Marie will be mad with me, perhaps never speak to me again. But I'm mad that she placed me in such a place to begin with. Damn it!

Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )), from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ), is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

Just_Margaret 5 pts

First off, I'm PISSED at Maria--because Maria just made me party to one messed-up situation. And in telling me, she may have relieved herself of some of her guilt, but she sure as hell put me in an awkward spot. I would have said so to her during this confession of hers.

And I'd tell her how uncomfortable she has made things for me, with the entire group. Likely, I'd wind up finding a way to avoid the upcoming social get-togethers because I don't want to be burdened with the knowledge while looking my friends in the eye.

Honestly, the whole situation would make me re-evaluate my friendship w/ Marie. You know, everyone is human, and we all make mistakes. I can't really relate to cheating, because I've never cheated on anyone. I don't want to judge, because I firmly believe that unless I've walked in someones exact shoes, I can't be the judge of their actions. But nor do I think it's fair of Marie to involve me in her deception of my other friends--and that's what she's doing, in asking me to keep this one a secret.

I wouldn't take it upon myself to inform anyone (other than my husband) of what Marie told me. But it would eat me up when I was with these people, knowing more than I want to know about Marie and Susan's Husband. I'm sure my husband and I would wind up spending a lot less time with these other couples as a group.

~Margaret

Just Margaret ( http://maurhoffbarney.blogspot.com )

aaustin13 5 pts

I would tell Marie that her own husband and Susan deserve to know the truth, and that I think it would be best if she told them herself. I would give her a reasonable time frame to tell them, say a week, and tell her that if she didn't come clean with both Susan and her own husband, I would tell both of them myself.

If she can break her marriage vows, I have no trouble breaking a promise of keeping confidence with her, especially when she knew she was unfairly putting me in the middle to begin with. What, she doesn't have any friends outside the situation, who aren't friends with Susan, that she could've gone crying to? Bull.

I know this would end my friendship with Marie, but I don't care. I don't choose to keep friends who behave that way. It could be my husband next!

http://prettybabies.blogspot.com