Yale Fraternity Pledges Say “No Means Yes” and “Yes” Means … What?

I am disappointed, but not remotely shocked. This kind of behavior is not new among fraternities, nor among elite schools.

-Kerri

Real Hartford ( http://www.realhartford.org )

The behavior of these young men is reprehensible, but what is worse is Yale's response.

I was a in a sorority at the University of Tennessee and graduated in 2004. I'm in the same generation and don't believe that this represents the entire Greek community.

College students are going to push the envelope regardless of Greek-affiliation or not. Colleges that demand respect and appropriate behavior from students, Greek and non-Greek, receive it. The problem here is larger than the atrociousness of the fraternity men. It's the reaction of Yale.

Activities like this don't happen in a vacuum, nor are they the norm across the Greek system. Yale has a history of looking the other way when fraternities do something wrong. Every time they do this, it sends the message that outrageous behavior is tolerated and ups the ante.

It frustrates me when articles about Greek life incessantly use Legally Blonde or Animal House for examples. Under what circumstances does Hollywood not exaggerate stereotypes? The only similarities between those movies and my sorority experience were that we were college-aged women who belonged to a club with Greek letters.

Just because this one chapter did something wrong (and it is completely wrong and unacceptable), doesn't mean that sexism or abuse exist in every fraternity across America.

The media and Hollywood fixate on the party aspect of Greek life because it's salacious. They never cover the thousands of hours of volunteer work and philanthropy that these organizations complete each year. They don't show how these organizations train young college students for leadership roles and teach them how to balance academic success with a social life, a skill that everyone needs in the working world.

Studies show that college students involved in Greek life have higher GPAs and are more likely to stay in school.

Do parties happen in the Greek system? Absolutely. But they also happen in non-Greek circles. Underage drinking, illegal drug use and hook-ups are rampant at every college campus, even ones without Greek chapters.

Rather than single out the Greek community, why don't we look at the larger youth culture where these behaviors are tolerated?

Adrienne works in the conservative movement and blogs at Cosmopolitan Conservative. ( http://www.cosmopolitanconservative.com )

Mia, you're feeling bad that this is what is out there about your generation, but it's not new. What's perhaps new is the public outcry against it. It's not the progress I'd hoped for in the 15 years since I graduated from the University of Iowa a Delta Gamma, but at least it's not happening silently with no fear of recrimination any more.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

I am so sickened by this behavior happening accross the country not just in colleges but in high schools and junior high schools. Even toddlers are emulating sexually explicit behavior. Fraternities and soroities were never equivilent to acedemic excelence in my experience, but were solidly associated with date rape and heavy drinking. I would never encourage my own children if I had any to pledge. I would question my own children's motives and strenth of character and independant thinking if they wanted to. Elitism doesn't warrant bad behavior.

What went on at Yale isn't extraordinary, but it drew public attention so strongly because it was at one of the apparent cream of American educational institutions that the pledges were caught on video.

I went to a large university in Canada where there were clubs/groups where women were similarly treated and objectified, and even participated in some humiliating activities. During orientation week and reading week break where lots of students went to Florida or Myrtle Beach, there was and I've read continues to be a lot of pressure for young women to participate in the sexual "games" that go on.

So though I am disheartened that young men and women still act this way in the larger group setting, I still see the university as making headway in educating both men and women about human dignity, respect and the worth of all people regardless of gender, orientation or race. It's at university that I learned about deconstructing then affirming identity and about empowerment. I think universities are still a place where minds can be taught about justice and equality, as long as there are passionate professors and administrators who believe that those values are important. I believe that there ARE lots of teacher who believe so.

There is a larger issue, though, of men and women learning to respect and value one another while they are still boys and girls. And that's not learned in university - those values should be "taught" and reinforced in the home and through media and in elementary school.

And was lucky enough to be in a chapter where there was no hazing. At all. A lot of fraternities and sororities have gotten a bad rap because of hazing incidents like this one, and have decided to eliminate it.

The Yale escapade is outrageous, and they should definitely be punished. However, don't judge all houses on what you see on the news. I'm glad you see Legally Blonde as a more representative version of what a sorority is like. It's still fairly stereotypical with only pretty, ditzy girls, but you're right, it's truly about friendship. News is only news because it doesn't happen every day. What does happen every day is the bonding, growth opportunities and fun times.

As for the fraternities, yes there are obnoxious guys in some. (There are also some in the dorms and on the sports teams.) But most of the frats have a formal dinner each week where the men are taught excellent manners. Groups of them go to the sororities and serenade the girls. Most of them are very respectful of the opposite sex.

I think it's important to learn as a woman that no matter where you are - college, a bar, running in a park, etc - there is safety in numbers. Sexual predators are everywhere. We shouldn't be paranoid, but we shouldn't be stupid. Women need to be empowered to say no to anyone without feeling guilty. And this needs to be happening at a much younger age than college.

Jennifer Barr is a wife and working mom of two beautiful girls, 3 going on 13 and 11 months, which means she's sleep deprived but constantly kept on her toes! Most of those experiences are chronicled on her blog, http://midwestmomments.blogspot.com.

Ok this is clearly not cool. But I am guessing that it was done for just that reason, pledges made to do horrible things, isn't that part of the drill. Ya know, hell week and all. I know bad stuff happens to in some frat houses but I think its unfair to label them all. If our young men are even coming close to feeling this is true, we can blame fraternities or colleges. This is something that parents should be teaching their children, respect for women!! My boys are only 2, 6 and 7 and its something we already are instilling in them. I am constantly pointing out girls who are talented, intelligent etc just to begin affirming the equality and value of women. Several months ago we attended a WNBA game and my sports junkie son was snickering all the way there at the idea. When it was over, he apologized and let me know I was right "those girls CAN play." THIS is where it needs to start.

Surprised...no. But at the same time, this story leaves me speechless, so what does that say?

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

Sadly, I'm not remotely surprised by this sort of behavior on the part of fraternities. It's hard to have an 'us' without a 'them', and unfortunately the type of group bonding that goes on in fraternities often focuses on women as the 'them'.

I graduated from Colgate University in 1984 and saw countless instances of 'brothers' treating women badly by word and/or deed. I was subject to sexual harassment by members of the pledge class of Phi Tau (in the form of obscene correspondence) as part of their pledge rituals.

A good friend at another school was date-raped when she was an undergraduate and her attacker told her that if she accused him all of his fraternity brothers would swear that she'd willingly slept with all of them.

These aren't isolated stories - many women that I know have had these sorts of experiences with fraternity members, and hiding in a mob isn't behavior that has changed much in the past 25 years.