The Year of Losses...

There comes a point in life where the losses pile up so tremendously that your reaction becomes one of almost relief.  You sigh at the blow and say, "Yes, I knew that was coming. It is only logical in this period of fire."

In less than a month, the year anniversary of the seperation and subsequent divorce from my husband will arrive.  I was one of "The Good Wife" women that stayed probably two years longer than I should have in a marriage that become increasingly toxic and emotionally abusive when his secrets were revealed.  I was the person that went to counseling.  He "didn't have time."  

During our seperation and just past our mediation, I recieved a phone call that would rock my world.  My older sister who had been recovering from a fall was in the hospital again. Something was wrong..really wrong.  The doctors thought she had this disease that no one could pronounce, "Crueztfeld Jacobsen Disease."  WHAT?  All we heard was terminal, no cure and a year would be a gift.

So I did what any sister would do, I moved into her hospital room, sang Journey duets with her and calmed her fears when she woke up in the night disoriented. She totally oblivious to the test results that we were waiting on that would deliver her death sentence.  I watched how in a few short days, she became more child like, and I become the older sister, the caregiver.  

Then on December 5, I became the family representaive to whom the neurologist confirmed the diagnosis.  Me, still the baby, "Babe" at 36 who would gather together all of our family including my sister's three children and tell them, "We have less than six months."   Ultimately, We had 65 days. 65 days in which we watched her brain undergo something equivalent to Alzheimer's on steroids.

Throughout all of this, I had a very dear friend who supported me, stood by me, fed me food, drank wine with me became the sister that I was losing.  Her son played with my sons and although there were issues, we were determined that they be like brothers since her son was an only child.  

Now, I face a new loss.  There was a fight between one of my sons and her son.  My son felt bullied and was defending himself, and she was angry that her son got hurt.  Tempers flared all around, and my friend and I had a fight--really our first and it looks like our last fight.   To say that I am hurt is an understatement, I offered her forgiveness and tried to make amends via email, but she has made other overtures making it appear that once again, I face a loss.  

However, in my sorrow, I am reminded of the apostle Paul who said, "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  

Life is a long time.  I have forgiveness in my heart for my friend, and I hope this is just a bump and break in a friendship for season.  However, I understand that sometimes, while we don't understand today's losses that there is a greater plan and happiness coming.  I don't just hope so, I know so.

Cara Cross, Author and Social Media Consultant


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