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There were many cultural surprises awaiting me when I moved from South Florida to Los Angeles in 2002, but one of the biggest was that I met numerous people who thought it was strange that I had a male roommate. (Yeah, I *so* stopped telling anyone we had dated at one point.)
All I kept thinking was, Dude, This is totally where "Three's Company" was written and shot, Right? Are you kidding me? I couldn't believe, that in 2002, I was getting comments from people who honestly believed we must be sleeping together or at least fooling around just because we were roommates. It wasn't what I expected from California, much less Los Angeles.
(Later I would realize that this probably said more about the amount of open sexuality in L.A. than anything else, but I was way too innocent at that point to even begin to think that.)
Just a year before, though, in Tallahassee, Fla. one of my best male friends came in to be the lead in one of my film shorts. We've been friends since freshman year of high school - man, over twenty years now - and we are close. He's the closest thing I've got to a sibling, but our friendship was viewed with suspicion by some who couldn't believe that a man and a woman could be such close friends, hugs and all.
So let me say this loud and clear: Men and women absolutely, without a doubt, clearly Can Be Friends.
And I'm a gonna go one step further: Sexual tension is sometimes part and parcel.
Because that's the rub, right? How do men and women turn off the sexuality to be friends? Easy: sometimes they don't. I'm sexually attracted to a lot of people and until the day I die, I will only be having sex with one person at any given time. That's who I am. It's not complicated.
If you can't help sleeping with everyone you're attracted to, and it's not actually what you want to be doing, I'd say you've got a problem. The rest of us, we don't act on every single impulse if it's not what we actually want to do.
I've got a handful of male friends right now, some of whom are attractive guys. Is it more difficult to be friends with someone you're sexually curious about? Maybe, but it's also irrelevant.
Friendship, like love, can be tricky. All kinds of things can shake up that pot. Attraction is just one more potential speed bump (and can certainly be a factor with female friends as well). Recognize it for what it is and move on.
Rebel Dad recently blogged Dear Abby Warns At-Home Mom of the SAHD Charms. SAHD = Stay At Home Dad. In the letter, Dear Abby suggests the Mom avoid the Dad in question because of sexual tension. Oh, watch out! Once men have infiltrated the home front, how will we ever navigate the waters of sexual temptation!
To be fair, I definitely subscribe to the keep sweets out of the house to keep sweets out of my mouth philosophy. So if you do need to avoid someone to keep from having sex with them, then maybe that's what you have to do, and I applaud you for taking the action required.
That said, I might suggest sitting yourself down for a good self-talking to about what's really going on and what you really want in life and who you want to be. You can't go around avoiding every person you are sexually attracted to, and even more important, if you feel drawn to a member of the opposite sex who isn't your partner or spouse, then what we might actually have here is the makings of a wonderful, intimate, important friendship. What's important is to be clear about who you are and how you intend to behave. Don't play with fire just because it's in the room.
Don't throw away what could be come a valuable friendship because of sexual attraction.
So if some of the best friends in your life are of the opposite sex, and there's other people in your life who simply can't understand it - because WOW, does that still happen - don't let those odd perceptions ruin your friendships. Be who you are, be friends, and let other people think what they will.
~
Related reading:
Why women and men can’t be friends - Well, obviously I don't agree with her.
Quality men... - A thoughtful, Christian post about friendship and becoming who you want to be.
