You and Your Boyfriend - Hot or Not?

Hello, DelRey. :)

Yes.. I am definitely expressing the view that Liz's post is arguing against... as far as it pertains to dating.  The first thing guys are interested in, in general, is that a woman turns them on.  Period.  I don't know anyone in life that has specifically sought out a woman that was unattractive to date... Except in the case of gigolos, because the less attractive she is, the easier she is to game for money and sex, but that's business and not actual dating.

For instance, there's a popular and, IMO, very attractive anchorwoman right now.  She came up in conversation one day when I was around several friends, and one of the guys was like "I used to date her when I was @ Harvard".  He was very gleeful about this, and the rest of us were relatively impressed.. even though a) he could have been lying, because he knew none of us were going to "blow up his spot" and actually ask her about him, and b) he hooked up with her BEFORE she became famous.  Still, he got credit for his "accomplishment", because, clearly, I remember him saying that to this very day, hahaha :D

Which brings me to your second point.  I'll definitely stipulate to the fact that as far as dating, I (and lots of other guys) view women as accomplishments.  Actually, I hadn't thought about it that way before.  Thank you.  You've inspired a blog post.  I'll be sure to link back to you! ;)

This is a good thing and a bad thing.  It's good because you stay 'hungry'.  You feel like "I wanna tap that", and that's a good feeling to have.. Aggressive, Progressive... Makes you feel like you're actually doing something with your time and life.  The bad part is that once you've done what you wanted to do, there's no more accomplishment in doing it AGAIN, and again and again and again.... So that hunger doesn't lead to actual relationships... Just lots of instances of Good Times! :D

I don't think it's a living up to full potential issue, though I see why you would see it that way from what I wrote.  Chris Rock said (basically) "A man is only going to be as faithful as his options".  Those of us with fewer options will be expected to "settle for less", whether that "less" comes in the format of her looks, intelligence, common sense, body, sexual ability & willingness, earning potential, sensuality, charm, grace, whatever.  Those of us with more options, it doesn't make any sense to select a "lesser" female when "better" females are throwing themselves at you on a daily basis.  It's better to be single and take your chances in the street than to be stuck with a gal that you're "meh :/" about.

I'll also stipulate to the fact that a woman's looks have nothing to do with how she is to actually spend time with.  This is what all those John Cusack / John Hughes movies are about, where the guy chases the vapid, attractive girl for 88 minutes and kisses his mechanic-homegirl at the very end of the movie while they play Air Supply and roll the credits.  My point, though, is that if an attractive guy finds out that the attractive girl he's dating isn't worth spending time with, he's going to chase the next ATTRACTIVE girl, not an unattractive one that he can have great conversations with.  That's known as a... Friend. :)

For the record, I can't stand that, personally, and I rarely hang out with women that I don't enjoy talking to for hours... RARELY.

Interesting comment about "maybe even the sex gets boring"... Maybe it gets boring to HER, but it won't get boring to HIM, so long as he's physically aroused by seeing and being around her and WANTS to have sex with her.  It all depends on how he approaches sex with her.  If he wants HER to be the doER, you're right... It could get lame.  If he's inspired to hook up with her for his own purposes, she's going to be sexy to him without doing or saying anything at all.  It would take too long for me to explain that statement, but suffice it to say that there are lots of guys that have sex with women while they're physically ASLEEP, which should give you an idea of how much her movement/talking during the process is 'valued'.

Yess'M (I'll assume you're female from your tiny avatar, haha).  You've actually pegged my M.O. exactly.  I hang out with lots of women in public, but the women I *REALLY* spend my time with never hit my Social Media streams.  As a matter of fact, I've gone so far as to pick arguments with some of them in public, to the point where nobody would have believed that I spent every waking hour I could with her in her dorm room until she'd kick me out @ 3am every night and I'd head home.  It's partially an issue of not wanting to be seen slumming, but at this point, it's also an issue of keeping my personal business "out the street", being that I'm so active in Social Media.  Excellent Call! ;)

Back in my non-transparent days, I would have had *MUCH* to say about someone dating Whoopi Goldberg, haha but in these days of Twitter connectivity, I have zero comment. :D

No.  I'm not assuming that everyone has the same standards.  That's actually part of the problem.  There are guys that genuinely like the looks of women that some of us would be like eeeeeew!  Unfortunately, as has been brought up by Liz's post and your comments, there's a lot of peer pressure involved.  Guys feel pressure to be "successful" in dating, lest they be pelted with the rocks of "Damn... That's all you could get?".  That pressure wears off, down the line, when a guy no longer cares about what his peers think about his abilities, but until that happens, it's A LOT of pressure.  Believe me.

Yes, it's a very interesting question.  Ultimately, "settling", for lack of a better term, should come down to the characteristics of a person that really float your boat.  You shouldn't be actually settling, but the personality/physical/sensual traits that the person exhibits should be enough to make YOU feel like you want to spend as much time with this person as possible.

My contention is that that threshold is way higher for attractive men than unattractive men, because they have many more women to choose from and get opportunities with new women way more quickly and easily.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

You're right at least to some degree, Bill, even if that's not the way we think it should be. It's true that attractive people are statistically more likely to be successful at work and to get married and have a lot of friends and everything else. That doesn't mean that average-looking or unattractive people don't get those things, it's just that attractive people have an advantage.

But I still don't think all the same patterns are at play for everyone as far as dating goes. There's always exceptions to rules, and everyone needs something different in a mate.

An attractive man might initially date a lot of very attractive women, but not connect with any of them and for whatever reason fall in love with a woman considered to be unattractive. When people ultimately don't feel they are being fulfilled by superficial things they will break that pattern. Looking at some of my friends (I feel really bad to be judging all of their appearances right now...) I see a man with a woman who is less attractive but who takes care of him and has been with him through thick and thin, and a woman with a man who is less attractive, who isn't rich or providing her with other benefits but who is fun to be around and shares her interests and intellect. There was nothing superficial that brought me to my partner, and that's part of how I know I want to be with him for the rest of my life.

In the end, who really knows what brings people together and breaks people up?