You Are No Better Than the Average Whore

I know I'm pretty late on this one, but couldn't read without commenting.

I work on the fringe, one could say, of the sex industry (sex toys, burlesque performer) and am surrounded by people who work in all areas of the industry.  We just seem to gravitate towards each other.  For some it is simply a job, for others it is a lifestyle.  They/we are all good hearted people and most of the people I work with are incredibly intelligent and creative in ways I can't describe (get your mind out of the gutter).  Some are in fact mothers - some of the best mothers I know.  In this country sexuality seems to make the general public uncomfortable. The easiest thing for them to do is reject it, stomp on it and label it without any real insight.  Sad.

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...because you ate meat (I'm a vegan), drove a hummer (I'm green), voted left (If I said right), or went to church (if I'm an atheist).

No, I have friends who have wildly different perspectives on life than me and I judge each of their abilities as a mother by their parenting of their children NOT what they do for a living or how they choose to live their lives.

I know a woman who likes to party, she likes a drink, she likes her men, she loves the fast life..she also has two amazing, clever, kind, loving kids who she would die for. She may like a good time but she obviously put her children first and raised them amazingly well.

I know a woman who is a pillar of the community. Attends PTA's and socials, works hard in a respectable job,a real "Alpha mum". She has 3 kids, three whiny, sneaky kids who bully their peers. Who do I think did the better job......but then who does society think did the better job??

The sex industry has its fair share of drug addicts and horror stories, but to be honest so do lawyers and Dr's, its just how people decide one is wrong and one is something to be proud about.

No matter what walk of life you choose, being a mum should be the number 1 priority and ANY job should come 2nd.

Great post x     

Is it your flab or your brain you need to fight? Answers on a postcard please.

Sex work is one of the oldest professions in the world and while I don't look down on sex workers I think we tend to overlook the damage it can do. I also never quite understand why we never really examine why there's a sex industry in the  first place and who keeps it going? I also think it's interesting that many women in the industry are not typically in charge of what they do.

I used to work with girls who were sex trafficked and sex workers and I can tell you based on that experience that there's a lot of residual issues that come up that don't typically get dealt with and there may be serious affects on a woman's body and spirit.  I think there are a lot of people who get into the industry with eyes wide open, but I don't think that's true for most women.

Also, we live in a society that is just as obsessed with sex and the mystique of the female body as we are afraid of it so I'm sure this contributes to the problem as well. 

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Bridging the gap between weight loss & body acceptance

I think it's easy to judge others.  There's no effort involved in that.  You can sit back in your own golden palace sure in the knowlegde that you are perfect and everyone else is not.  God forbid you should actually take the time to appreciate that different is not necessarily bad and that women work in whatever industry to put food on their plate and a roof over their head.  I have never been part of the sex industry but know people who have been.  For most it wasn't actually the job they dreamed of in school and the road to it was long and complicated.  As soon as you mention sex in any context people are ready to jump up and down and judge.  Women of all professions, religious persuasions, socio-economic class and ethnicity can be bad mums (I've worked with abused kids I know there is no particular 'type' who abuses).  Its time as women we sat back and thought about supporting each other, about using compassion as a starting point and maybe accepting that love is not the domain of one particular 'hollywood defined mum'.    It's harder to try and put yourself in someone elses shoes, than sit in judgement, but as Pollyanna asit sounds a little compasion and understanding would make a damn better place.

I have worked in the sex industry. It was a long, long time ago - in practically another life from the one I live now as a mom. But I knew women then who had kids and were doing great by them. For a lot of women, sex work is just a job. It doesn't have to define who you are.

It can also be really unhealthy, and I think a lot of people in crisis are drawn into it, but...really. If that's the situation, they need help and healthy options, not blame and shame.

I actually registered JUST to comment on this.  I am not a mother, but I did return a woman's ATM card...that was still in the ATM, I held the door open for an elderly couple, I smile at strangers and I work in the sex industy.  I cannot STAND how intellegent beautiful women "can't" pursue dreams and lines of work, especially after being successful.  Stormy Daniels running for Public Office comes to mind. Sex IS NOT "bad" it isn't "dirty" and the ONLY thing wrong with ADULT PORNOGRAPHY (im not talking about kiddie, or that weird twisted stuff)  is one's own warped perception of it. 

So much. Exactly. I wish everyone had the mindset that you do, and the ability to see past their own hand.

- Maria Young

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make generalizations about people. It is very hurtful to all involved. It really really makes me irritable when I hear someone say "all guys are dicks" or "all women are bitches" or ...you fill in the blanks. To say someone is a bad parent or to look down on someone who happens to work in the sex industry is just as crappy. My cousin has an amazing child with a great woman who happens to be a stripper. She is a good mother and loves her son dearly. They've been together for 10 years now, there is nothing wrong with her. I had a friend who was a stripper for awhile, but she said there was a drug/prostitution ring going on so she left. She is a mother now and a great one. Someone else I knew was a stripper, but ...she had issues. Drugs/prostitution for drugs/countless miscarriages and abortions. She is not a parent though. Which is a good thing considering her drug habit. Do I look down my nose at her? No, though I can tell you I am disapproving of her lifestyle, but its not mine to live and I have made some very questionable choices in my life. Live and let live right? 

To say the least, Maria, this post caught my attention!  You make some really good points.  I can't see myself ever doing sex work, but I certainly wouldn't (and don't) look down on those who do.  I also don't think that such a profession would make a woman a bad mother, although she might want to leave her little ones home on Take Your Kids To Work Day!  =) 

In all seriousness, I have a big problem with those who will label a woman a "bad mother" at the drop of a hat.  That's a pretty serious accusation.  Doing things differently doesn't necessarily make one bad.  Those who beat and/or kill their children?  They're bad mothers.  Hitler's mom probably could have used a parenting book or two.  The mom who loves her children and does what she thinks is best for them while also starring in porn on the side isn't a bad mother, though.  We all love our children, and we all do what we think is right for them.  That's all that matters.  

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