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I'm a writer who lives in Minnesota and have been blogging since 2000 at iwilldare.com. I'm also editor of the book review blog Minnesota Reads.
 
 
 
 

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You Are What You Post: A Warning & A Rant

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About seventy-eight times in the past few weeks I've seen this tweet or Facebook update that basically boiled down to this thought: "I can't believe X thought Y about me." The update is usually made by some woeful person who has just been smacked in the face with how their online persona is perceived by those in their social network.

Day 92Now, I realize you are a unique and precious flower who lives a colorful and exciting life. However, if every time your name pops up on Facebook or Twitter you're complaining about what an insufferable brat your child is and how you need copious amounts of adult beverages to cope, people are going to start hopping to some conclusions about who you are as a person.

Think about it, if all you see from someone is posts about how cranky they are all the time. . . isn't it logical to assume that they're just a cranky person? 

Same goes for all you gym goers who only tweet about the horrible form/hygiene/appearance of your fellow gym patrons. You do that, it's safe to assume everyone thinks you're a mean, judgmental blowhard.

And if all you do is update with inspirational quotes attributed to everyone from Dr. Seuss to Gandhi, we're all just going to think you're dumb. Your Hallmark&trade Philosophy is not inspirational and/or intelligent. 

Don't let my snark mask the seriousness of my point. You are what you post, and you need to be cognizant of what you're putting out there especially if you're going to be hurt or stunned or angered when someone says, "You're cranky all the damn time." Go back and see what they see. Should someone judge based on the littlest bit of yourself you share online? Probably not. Are they going to? Hell yes.

I know of what I speak. Learn from my mistakes.

Back in the early aughts, I spent a lot of time writing very many (much to my great embarrassment now) super whiny posts about how lonely I was. Every time I felt the least bit insecure or unsure or lonely, I took to the Internet and poured my wretched heart out onto the keyboard. In my head I balanced this with plenty of posts about my love of Starburst Jellybeans and Dawson's Creek. But that balance was in my head, and I spent a lot of time being totally outraged when people let me know they thought I was a whiny, lonely, pathetic wimp. 

It took me a very long time to make the connection between their perception of who I was and the little bits about myself that I was feeding them. A little bit of self awareness goes a long long way. 

So if you don't want to be thought of as a cranky/drunk/judgmental-asshole, maybe you need to expand what you update about just a little bit. I know a lot of people fall into this trap of posting about one aspect of their lives because they want to tightly control what people see. They're afraid of saying the wrong thing and having it read by the wrong people. I get that. But if you're that afraid of the internet seeing who you are, then maybe you shouldn't be on the Facebook or the twitters.

Let your social networker see what a complicated, deep individual you really are. Or, if you can't do that, don't be totally surprised when you get called out for being a jackass.

Photo Credit: superfantastic.

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MomsArePeople2 5 pts

So true, and I am guilty of all of those things at one time or another haha!

lainierenee 23 pts

I post inspirational quotes as reminders of what's truly important in life. This past year has been rough with the break up of my engagement, miscarriage, and death of my father. Posting and reading inspirational quotes are what got my through my dark days. I can't live my life constantly worried about what other people think of me. There are people that think that I am dumb based on my skin color and gender.

Overall, I think that the author does make a good point about how it is important to watch what we throw out into the realm of social media.

Skye 8 pts

I'd hate to watch everything I say in case someone thinks I'm negative, but it's such a good idea to take a step back regularly and look at the overall effect.

Skye Kilaen

Flooded Lizard Kingdom ( http://www.lizardkingdom.org ) | Heroine Content ( http://www.heroinecontent.net )

MrsGreenberg 7 pts

So true. Yes, controlling what others see about us can lead to a very one-sided view. I love your honesty and bluntness in this post.

Darla@Healing in Pictures 5 pts

I can totally relate to your post. Well said! I see that a lot online and wish people wouldn't do it. Especially from people I know aren't really like that in real life. Thanks for the post.

jwilliams057 11 pts

I have several people that do this and it drives me nuts. I'm going to start commenting like that.

mariablancoh 5 pts

Is like what you put out will reciprocate. It's also a reaction to your actions and don't forget that words translate to actions.

Nobody wants to be Ethel 36 pts

It's funny. When I overthink a post it never is as good as an easy-flow, out-of-my-head-onto-the-paper blog. The first time a blog of mine was recognized was a mini rant.

The Patty Beat can be found at  http://pattyabr.wordpress.com ( http://pattyabr.wordpress.com/ ) where The Fearless Cook resides ready to take on your most feared items in the kitchen.

Lorita A. 5 pts

If this is absolutely true, then people must think I hate being a mother. But that isn't the case at all, I love it. I just don't have a problem with expressing all aspects of motherhood.

I do agree that all my rants don't have to be negative, but wouldn't it be just as hard to be positive all the time? We are human beings full of a mix of emotions. I just go with whatever I'm feeling at the time. I'll try and balance it out from now on.

Lorita blogs at Pickled Ketchup ( http://www.pickledketchup.com ).

geekbabe 5 pts

I love a carefully crafted rant,one that creates a community that encourages others experiencing the same issue to open up, share their feelings and find solutions together.

A problem shared is often a load lightened!

Lifowoman 5 pts

I'm glad I took the time to read this because it gave me a new perspective on showing the "real" me.. It seems that protecting myself and being safe from what others might think of me might actually be the cause of having a bad rep. Thanks for pointing out a good balance should do the trick..

Better yet, I'd stay away from posting status messages altogether. Thanks, again! =)

sassymonkey 1022 pts moderator

A lot. :) I'm waiting for the ice on the trail to go bye-bye so I can restart C25K. :)

Contributing Editor Karen Ballum also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

lauriewrites 27 pts

I'm running a ten-mile race in May, my first race as a runner. After some hesitation, I started pushing my Couch to 5k updates to Twitter and Facebook. I've gotten incredible support as a result, from people who are also training, from people who want to start, and just from people who love and care about me who want to say "Go you!" I have been humbled and touched by it, and honestly it's been instrumental in keeping me going some nights. The people who are annoyed by it are free to hide it or unfriend me, but I have zero regret about doing it because of what it's done for my process and for the relationships involved.

My take on it is that there's something for everyone. I don't want to hear anyone go on about their job or their child or their whatever all the time. Some people live-tweet their laundry or the Bachelor. I push my run notifications live. Can't hack it, unfollow, but if you're my real friend? You'll know what it means to me and won't care.

Laurie
LaurieWrites ( http://lauriewrites.typepad.com )
Photos on Flickr ( http://www.flickr.com/photos/rubyshoes )

ltorres78 16 pts

I completely agree! When my twins were smaller and I was having a particularly hard couple of days, my hubs pointed out that all of my Facebook status updates were negative and that I really needed to say something different and positive. Sure enough, I went and read through my wall and I was a negative Nancy and everyone probably rolled their eyes at my constant naptime complaints. There's definitely room for that kind of thing, but not every single tweet/update.

There's actually someone on twitter that I only see complaining. So naturally my impression of her is a negative, cynical person, no matter how nice she really may be or how smiley her avatar!

Wonderful things for us all to think about when making our online presence.

justlinda 24 pts

I know, right? Pfffft.

I thought about it over a bowl of guacamole and decided the person was just plain wrong. LOL

( http://justlinda.net )JustLinda

fabulously imperfect

Twitter @JustLindaSTL

YRS Staff 5 pts

It's wonderful to find a good rant; one done with experience and style, where the point is made without inciting riot. Nevertheless, I must confess it is the later that I often find myself to weak to resist.

Thanks.

dawnshrum 5 pts

I don't need people telling me they went to the gym or how many miles they ran to auto-populate my twitter feed..

I blog about social media and life on The Social Media Notepad ( http://dawnshrum.wordpress.com/ ).

vicki-arnold 5 pts

I also find that if I post an "inspirational" quote and ask the questions you mentioned, I don't get many responses, lol. Never thought of asking someone else who posts them the same question. Good idea.

vicki-arnold 5 pts

"But if you're that afraid of the internet seeing who you are, then maybe you shouldn't be on the Facebook or the twitters."

This made me laugh out loud, so very true.

I've learned my lesson also about making vague comments that are directed to someone, but they are not named. The wrong people will ALWAYS assume it is about them. That makes for some super fun situations.

Nicole_Longstreath 5 pts

Post too much about food? Not possible ;)

Sustainable living, community and politics - smartmouthblog.com ( http://www.smartmouthblog.com/ )

Nicole_Longstreath 5 pts

Yes! About the inspirational quotes!

I have a person in my circle on Facebook who only updates their status with quotes.

They're usually thoughtful, but often contradict each other from day-to-day. Which, like you said, makes me pretty certain this person doesn't really understand the quote - they just really like profound-sounding words.

And I've found I get no response when I ask (in the comments) "what do YOU think of this quote?" or "how do YOU apply this to your life?"

Sustainable living, community and politics - smartmouthblog.com ( http://www.smartmouthblog.com/ )

justlinda 24 pts

I just recently had someone tell me I posted too much about food. My initial reaction was Nuh-uh! (complete with dumb expression) but then I thought about it.

I do post about food somewhat regularly. I counted 6 status updates that included something about food in the past month.

So I blogged about it - just last night. haha

I've had weight loss surgery and the implication was a negative one - that clearly I still have a big problem if I focus on food. I think the person is wrong, so my blog post addressed the topic in general.

But, yes, people are going to form perceptions of us based on our posts. Sometimes, those perceptions are because of THEIR filter rather than reality. Still - I think I can influence the perceptions people form of me and I like having the insight of these types of things.

I don't know that I'll change my behavior - food is a very important part of my life, even after losing 100 pounds (ESPECIALLY after that). But I am more conscious that I may be "feeding" these perceptions.

( http://justlinda.net )JustLinda

fabulously imperfect

Twitter @JustLindaSTL

melisa 7 pts

I always keep this idea in the back of my head when I write, along with the fact that not only is what I post on the internet out there forever (potentially, right?), but if I wouldn't want my grandma or someone else to ever read something, it stays IRL and not "out there".

I like to think that I give a pretty balanced view of my IRL personality online (in fact, many of my blog friends have commented to me that I'm exactly how I seem on my blog).

At the same time, not everybody wants every part of their personality out there, and to each his/her own...so I think your final paragraph is perfect. :)

kyooty 12 pts

We've been discussing this with our kids too. You have to pretend you are in a HUGE room and everyone can either hear you, or hear from someone else what you've said.
Also remember you don't have to friend everyone.

By Word of Mouth Musings 7 pts

Many blog to 'capture' memories of the kids, but when these same kids grow up and read volumes of how annoying and whiny and how you hid in the bathroom from them all.of.the.time ... don't expect much lol.
There is definitely some oversharing, if its some of the time its a good thing because it lets people into your life and thats sort of what having a blog is. But when its all of the time, take a deep breath and hit save file and not publish!
Please :)

http://www.bywordofmouthmusings.com

gigi927 5 pts

I agree...and think that it's not about one individual tweet or post...it's a total package thing. Everyone's entitled to a rant or whine here and there...but don't be upset if someone unfollows you or has a negative perception of you when all of your posts are a big old downer!

Read my snappish take on parenting, life, pop culture and blogging at KludgyMom ( http://www.kludgymom.com ). Or connect with me on Twitter @AKludgyMom ( http://www.twitter.com/akludgymom )!

Grace Hwang Lynch 73 pts

I ran into a friend who I rarely see, but reconnected with on Facebook. He remarked, "I didn't know you were such a hard core Facebooker!"

That, I am...

Grace Hwang Lynch blogs at HapaMama ( http://hapamama.com ) and A Year (Almost) Without Shopping ( http://www.blogher.com/ A Year (Almost) Without Shopping ).

isthisthemiddle 1611 pts

I agree. I try to keep that **don't always be negative goal** in mind-- I've even started saving my blog posts as drafts. When I look at the drafts the next day, I delete instead of post if they seem too whiny.

Regarding menopause or the big "M:" menopause does make rants very, very tempting, so I try to make them a little on the amusing side. At least I hope so.

Melanie

traciwhitney 5 pts

(bitch)

Kidding. I actually deleted my first couple of blog posts cause I thought to myself "who cares about me complaining about my own life?"

The answer is nobody. If more people would realize that the world would be a happier place.

DM77 5 pts

http://18years2life.blogspot.com/

A good thing to remember. It's funny how status updates can change your perception of people. There are some people I didn't know very well pre-friending them on Facebook and found out that I liked them even more than I thought I would, while other people have driven me to "hide" them due to their whiny posts.

jodiwilldare 5 pts

I'm pretty sure that Facebook's hide functionality is the best thing ever.

jodiwilldare 5 pts

I'm not advocating for the cease to rants, especially those that make you feel better. I'm just advocating that you rant with awareness. That you realize how it might appear to people who don't know you outside of your online persona. If you're comfortable with that (or don't give a damn what people think), then keep on keepin' on.

ItsAllRelative 62 pts

I unfriend or hide people on FB all the time because all they do is complain and it just gets tiresome. There are many days I don't post anything because I have nothing nice to say. That isn't to say I never complain. I just don't make it my normal way of communicating.

HomeRearedChef 3815 pts

Hi Jodie,

I like what you have to say in your posting, and I agree that many of just rant on and on... Because I am one of those ranters. Lol!

I am menopausal and so my postings are all about how I feel while menopausal. But I like how I feel after I've written down my thoughts and feelings. I am sharing with others going through the same thing. People can chose to read my posts or not. I can laugh at myself, at least, and I am sure others do, too.

I just wanted to give a friendly input.

What She Said 10 pts

I always stop and think twice about what I tweet or post on FB. 'Cuz once it's out there, it's out there. I also try to provide a nice balance to my blog posts.

I did, however, get called out a few months ago for being Miss Cranky McCrankerpants on a tight-knit online community of mothers that I'm a part of. While I don't agree with the way some of the statements were made (tact, people - learn it, live it, love it), I do concede that my online friends had a point. I'd been posting a lot of whiny, bitchy rants at the time. It was a wake-up call.

Your online persona is really no different than your "real-life persona" in this increasingly virtual world. It all comes down to balance.

Kristin (@SaidKristin ( http://twitter.com/#%21/SaidKristin )) blogs about everything from parenting to social media to stink bugs at her virtual mind dump, What She Said ( http://twss-blog.blogspot.com )