Our society seems to think that happiness = normal and healthy.  Sometimes happiness is not normal or healthy.  When we force ourselves to "be happy" rather than to go through the process of mourning, or healing, or whatever emotional state is necessary, we deny our true selves.

I am not talking about self-indulgent teen angst.  I am talking about people who are dealing with real tragedies.  It is not a matter of "choosing to be happy" rather than "choosing to be unhappy."  Sometimes, it is a matter of just surviving, and the Holidays are especially hard for this.

There is a very good reason that suicide rates tend to be highest around Christmas and New Years.

MLO / Melissa

When I was in my phase of self-help reading books, I read a book by Dr. Wayne Dwyer that had a line in it "there is no road to happiness, happiness is the way."  It resonated deeply with me.

While I've had normal and abnormal ups and downs, have been broke and broker, disappointed, etc., normal human stuff, there has generally been a place below which I don't fall.  I have willed myself back to happiness and contentment.  I believe that some of us learn how to do this along our journey in life and that others of us can be taught to get there. 

If you've got your basic needs met you can learn to desire and be happy with what you have.

blog.candelariasilva.com

Good and plenty!

Is trying to be happy when you really feel sad kind of like dieting, forcing yourself to be uncomfortable with who you are to meet someone else's expecations? I am an all-purpose mood swinger: I like to live each mood and feeling that takes over me until it's ready to let go and then move on to the next mood. I guess I trust my internal regulation system.   

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

I agree with your theory, though it may be oversimplified. And of course the 'naturally negative' people are inclined to disagree out of habit.

I know people who have good lives without trauma, drama or hardship who insist on finding a negative attribute about everything. Its as if they feel guilty about having it so good. Tell them they look nice today, and they'll complain about a pimple or a headache. Ask them how they're enjoying their new puppy, and they'll bring up the chewing. Like any habit, it becomes automatic.

Some people are happy in their misery.

Me? I prefer to see the brighter side of things.

Sandra in BC

Thinking like this might help some, but for those of us who suffer from clinical depression and anxiety "It's just a matter of choosing to be happy" is like saying "It's just a matter of choosing to have a free unicorn live in your backyard and if you don't have your free unicorn then you probably just didn't want it bad enough".  Sometimes you don't get a choice.  Believe me, if I could choose, I'd choose happy and two unicorns.

...that is how I get through my day. I seem to be surrounded by crabby people. They're always complaining or on a rant about something.

I learned a long time ago that acceptance does not mean approval.

I do not mean in regards to real issues, such as a death, illness, divorce, or even just a typical argument. As a person who deals with chronic depression I am no longer one to repress such important emotions, etc.

I mean the small stuff. The stuff that happens to us every day.

The person on the phone who was unreasonable. The person who pulled out in front of you on the road. The teenager with just so much angst.

We all have similar things that annoy us, but some people let these annoyances control how they feel and act; and then they become the very thing that is annoying them.

These are so many things that we have no control over --- but we can control how we react to them.

And since such things do happen all the time --- accept the situation and carry on.

Honestly, if some one does pull out in front of you --- and you still had plenty of time to slow down --- why get upset about it? Seriously, even if you just let your mouth curve into the tinyiest of a smile, you'll move on with acceptance and not let disapproval rule your day.

I hope I helped...

ɯoɔ˙ɹǝƃƃolquǝʞoʇ

and it's not always easy to do, but it IS possible to choose to be happy.  In the midst of extreme sorrow, loss or medical depression it may take more than just 'choosing' (like mediction) but deciding 'screw-em all I'm going to be HAPPY' can really make a difference in how you view your day-to-day life, especially if you practice it every day. You really can teach yourself to be happy. And I agree with Sandra in BC that negativity can become a habit - but luckily so can optimism.  Just for the record I would like to point out that statistically suicide rates do not go up during the winter holidays - that's actually a popular misconception.

Hi everyone.  Thank you for all of your comments on this topic.   Here is a link to some great posts on happiness by Aymee Coget (including many videos).

 :-)

Contributing Editor Catherine Morgan
at Catherine-Morgan, Capessa Health, Women4Hope