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I recently read two articles in quick succession that, though they were about different topics, seemed to highlight women driven by similar impulses. They were both about communities of women who had intentionally chosen to live their lives in ways that are not always culturally sanctioned. And that got me thinking about, not necessarily the specifics of these lives, but about the broader idea of choosing how you live even if it takes some strength to stand up to what is expected or allowed.
However, as I sought links from women blogging about intentional life choices I ran across reactions from bloggers to these articles where the posters and commenters also saw links between the articles but they saw angles I did not think of which got me thinking more broadly. You've got to love how blogging exposes us to different ways of thinking through things and gaining insights.
The first article was about lesbian women's only communities:
They called it a lesbian paradise, the pioneering women who made their way to St. Augustine, Fla., in the 1970s to live together in cottages on the beach. Finding one another in the fever of the gay rights and women’s liberation movements, they built a matriarchal community, where no men were allowed, where even a male infant brought by visitors was cause for debate.
Read My Sister's Keeper by Sarah Kershaw at The New York Times
The second article was about communities formed by singles mothers by choice:
Like Lili’s dolls, the circle that radiates out from this two-bedroom ranch house in the New Jersey suburb of Moorestown is a largely female world. Fran and her daughters spend much of their time outside school and work with a small group of other single mothers and their girls. Among them is Fran’s friend of 10 years, Nancy Clark. Fran is 49; Nancy is 50. Six years ago, they went together to China to adopt Lili and Nancy’s daughter Katelei
Read 2 Kids + 0 Husbands = Family by Emily Bazelon at The New York Times
As I mentioned, my first thought was that both of these groups of women are brave because goodness knows they are going to be judged by many who will look at their lives and declare that they have no right to live that way, especially given that in both cases there are children involved. The New York Times published letters in response to the single mothers by choice article. All were polite but to some degree unsupportive of the life choices of the women profiled. Also, let me just share with you that there are some men out there who were not pleased by the notion of women either not devoted to seeking their presence in their lives or excluding them completely. In fact these articles made them angrier than they already were. And they blame Joe Biden (apparently for all the ills of the world) because of the Violence Against Women Act. Alrighty then.
The absence of men in these women's lives was a connection I did not make though other bloggers did. Nina at Queercents pointed out the similarity of the Womyn's Lands to Catholic Convents. Both are communities of aging women that younger women rarely choose to join anymore. Both are wondering how their communities will continue and are reaching out and sharing their stories in hopes that a new generation will consider joining them.
Reaching out and asking for help and support was another common theme noted by Motherlode blogger, Lisa Belkin:
It is impossible to raise a child all by yourself. It may or may not take a village, but it certainly takes some help. And to get that help, you have to ask.
That was the message that wound itself through so many tales of parenting in recent days. It was the central theme of Emily Bazelon’s reaffirming New York Times Magazine article this weekend, about mothers who are single by choice and joining together to form a newfangled families. Groups of friends, tired of waiting for men to complete them, are having children through adoption or artificial insemination, and depending on each other for backup and infrastructure. They pick each others’ children up from school in a pinch, and care for them when they are sick. They vacation together. They are, Bazelon writes, “one another’s primary asset.”
Aside from parenting specifically, much the same could be said about the Womyn's Lands and Convents.
Blog comments highlighted some of those connections that I
