- Share This Post
- 6
- submit
- 6
-
Sparkle (0)
Imagine this: you've been waiting for this guy to call you. You don't usually wait for guys to call you, but this is him, a man you're really into. It's Friday afternoon. Your weekend is loosely scheduled, as usual, but you will tolerate some concrete thing because, as I said, this is someone you're into.
Just then: a text message. It's him, with the name of a restaurant, a time and the question: “Will you have dinner with me?”
OK, so he texted instead of calling. It strikes you as mildly déclassé, but this is 2010. Get over it! People are proposing on Twitter. It's not that gross an infraction to ask someone out on text message. You're willing to forgive.
You respond in the affirmative.
Then, the unthinkable: He texts the address and another question: “Want to meet me there?”
Excuse me? Why, that insufferable, lazy, unbelievable ...
I may be a liberated woman who doesn't need anything from a man other than his wit, company and cock, and who may sleep with him on the first date (gasp!) –- and not just sleep with him, but fuck him reverse Asian cowgirl (double gasp!) –- but I am incredibly, incredibly old-fashioned when it comes to the relationship particulars.
I will not ask a man out. He will ask me out. I will not meet him somewhere. He will pick me up. I will not pay for dinner or go dutch –- I will not even reach for my bag and suggest I pay. I just won't –- even if I know I make far more money than he does. I expect him to have the common sense to never take me anywhere he can't afford to take me.
In a cab, I will not scoot. If there is traffic on the other side which prevents a man from entering the vehicle that way, I expect him to excuse himself for going first so that he can scoot. If I have a bag that's bigger than a purse, I expect him to carry it. I expect him to open doors, walk on the side nearest to the curb, offer his arm to steady my balance and rise when I join the table.
I don't know why I am so unyielding when it comes to these things. I'll say it's my upbringing. Here's something interesting about these things, though: nine times out of ten, the way a man conducts himself out on the town with you is the way a man will fuck you once you leave that world for the comfort of the vacuum of the bed.
Back to the text message: “Want to meet me there?”
“I'm old-school,” I respond. “See you at my place at eight.”
I call this “the bend.” You bend the other party to your expectations, hoping that the other party will learn by taking a hint. If you don't know this already, chances that the other party will learn from your “careful guidance” are extremely low.
But every once in a while, we like someone enough to give this a go.
I have only one thing to say on the matter: You are not allowed to fault a man down the line when he shows that he expects to do as little as possible to get as much as possible.
EFFORT
In her autobiography Sinner Takes All, porn star Tera Patrick talks about her horrible relationship with Erik Schrody, the lead singer of Everlast. Their first date would spell out the modus operandi of their entire two-year relationship:
Our first date was a movie date at his house. Ladies, don't ever let a guy take you to a date at his house: (a) It's cheap, (b) It shows disrespect (What? He didn't want to be seen with me in public?), (c) It usually means all he wants from you is sex, and (d) It's just plain lame. We deserve dinners and romance, don't we?
I should have known how lame Erik would end up being by that very first date ... and unbeknownst to me at that time, we started a pattern that would be the basis of our relationship: I come to his house. We sit on his couch. We watch TV. We have sex. I go home, utterly unsatisfied.
For two years, I would follow that pattern. The sex was never mindblowing. You can tell if sex is going to be good by how much effort a guy puts into you when you're not under the
