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The first time I left my ex husband, I took the kids with me. I found a 3 bedroom apartment on third floor. I knew I could make it on my own. What I didn't apprehend was losing my job and struggling for the year to follow.
In a nutshell, it SUCKED.
Halloween sucked, I can't even remember what my kids became. Christmas was a huge royal bucket of suck. I didn't have a job and could literally afford no gifts. My friend Cheri bought my kids gifts and put them under the artificial tree that my ex husband let me have. Oh yeah they had a wonderful Christmas with their dad, but with me, it felt very very empty. I did catch a job, but the money I made I used in gasoline and trying to buy food and stuff for the house. My electricity got shut off, and I went crawling back to my ex husband like a big flippin loser.
I left him again 6 months later, for good. Upon my announcement of leaving, my 12 year old daughter announced she was staying with her dad. Think of it... a 3 bedroom home, her 2 dogs, her dad has a good, stable job, her friends live close by, she is situated in school. So i gave her respect and said "ok". Then my ex said I wasn't taking either kid.
That was frightening because that guy never stayed home with us. Always looking for a reason to leave, overworked, other interests. How on Earth would he be able to do this without me, to be a single father? But the look on his face told me he was looking for resistance, so I smiled sweetly, agreed, and got my life back.
It was not easy to walk out the door with my last box, then sit alone in my new 3 bedroom apartment. It was silent. My days were silent, my nights were silent. I get my kids every other weekend, and every weekend when I bring them home, my now 9 year old son asks when he'll see me again...
My biggest obstacle was acceptance. I was viewed as a bad mother for "leaving my kids behind" but I did what was right for all of us, I left the kids in the home they grew up in, where their luxuries could be afforded and provided. I learned real fast that nobody knows what goes on, and it's nobody's business what we do, and none of my business what people think...
