you might want to skip this post


 ..because it's a tad full of things that are borderline too-much-information. Most especially for a man-folk person.

Just saying.

For the One Year Anniversary of the Placenta Incident, I thought I'd go in for a CT Scan (woot! woo!), check my innards all over and make sure I'm really, truly healed up. Nothing says 'celebration', after all, like an IV, Barium Sulfate Suspension Smoothie and full-body scan!

I was in such pain from this raucously writhe-inducing gas that I was pretty grateful I'd booked the CT scan. You know, just to see what cancer I had or what. I was so sure I was dying. Crazy, horrible pain. Gas X (ultra-strength!), Bean-O (who named that, anyway?), Ginger Tea, avoidance of all things remotely gas-inducing -  yielded no dip in the pain scale whatsoever. Finally I popped an old vicodin (that's the kind of girl I am) and VOILA - pain gone!

I was dizzy with relief.

After a few hours the pain came back. I'd maxed out my Gas X dosage so I popped another vicodin (why not?!) and LO! The pain again dissipated. I was ready to stroke the bottle. VICTORY to Vicodin!

And then.
Pain came back. I was *really* grateful for the CT scan appointment, thinking this just had to be something severe - this pain just wouldn't quit! I'm dying! Crap - I didn't renew the life insurance policy.

And then.
I went to the bathroom. And wiped. And realized that I got my period.

and hit my head against the wall for the next half hour

Can you believe this? It's like Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret. all over again, think I'm dying and I just got my period!

Well, that's what you get when it's been so long since you had one that you forgot what it's all about.