You’re Going to Be a Big Sister, Round 2!

Celeste - big sister part 2

We decided to tell my stepdaughter a little earlier about me being pregnant than last time for a few reasons: This time we are married (YAY)! This time I look 5 month pregnant at 2 ½ months! This time the baby was PLANNED!!! This time, we are so excited and we just can’t hide it! Everyone that we have told is super excited too, so we thought that my stepdaughter would feel the same way. Well, my husband thought she would and I was not so certain.

She has been making comments lately about us having another baby, and we thought that she might already have an idea. This would make the news a little easier, right?!?! Wrong! We sat her down and told her that her wish came true! She was asking for a brother specifically. I handed her the ultrasound picture, and she refused to believe that we were being honest! She thought it was the ultrasound from our other daughter. She said “NO, NO, NOOOOO”, “this can’t be happening”! She had to hold back tears. Then she started slamming her body into the couch making strange noises.

So, how does one deal with this type of situation? We decided to use the following tactics to make her feel more at ease with the transition from 2 to 3:

Tell her she is important! - We had to remind my step daughter that her role of “Big Sister” was still very important! She now had two little ones to guide and watch grow. Remind her of how much her little sister looks up to her and wants to be JUST like her.

Make time for her - Make special “Daddy Daughter Dates” or “Step-mom Step-daughter Dates”. My husband and I alternate “dates”. We aim to do a minimum of one per month. We do things like bowling, movies, lunch or even just shopping / errands. As long as it is just the two of us, and our attention is solely on her.

Include her - Include her in decisions such as choosing a name, or revealing the gender. Include her in the announcement, and allow her input in how it is presented. Include her in decorating or buying new things for the baby. Include her in the baby shower; make it a joint shower for her and mom.

I really struggled when we had my daughter because my husband felt bad about having another baby and not having custody of my step daughter. Doing these simple things really helped us get through the “rough” times! I think those feelings he had were normal, but for me it was hard. Now, we make it a point to work together as a family and talk everything out, always!

Life is good!

Scrambling Stepmom

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