You’re Killing Me, Smalls!

Take me out to the ball game. Take me out with the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and cotton candy….

Those are so the words to the song.

It’s that time of year: baseball season. When I used to work for a publisher at Camden Yards, I loved the smell of the hot dogs wafting in the window.

Because 12-year-old-me clamored for Mike Vitar I’m too lazy to drive to Camden Yards, I watched my favorite baseball movie instead. 

Here’s what I learned from The Sandlot.

I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

  • The Great Bambino is a baseball player, not Bambi the deer.
  • To a 6th grade boy, the worst insult ever is You play ball like a girl!
  • Never chew tobacco and then get on a ride that spins.
  • Never get on a ride with kids chewing tobacco…unless you want to be puked on.
  • Babe Ruth is not a girl.
  • PF Flyers will make you jump higher and run faster.

But most importantly, I learned that the best way to kiss a lifeguard is to pretend to drown. When he/she gives you CPR, commence kissing.


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