You Tell Me: Did I ask for sexually motivated emails?

on my personal blog got me lots of e-mails.  Unwanted ones, to say the least.  I didn't even blog about using them, I mentioned "dildo" in a post because when I was 5 my friend brought his mom's over to my house and told me it was a flower checker.  If you stick it in the ground and it vibrates, a flower is growing there!  To say the least, my blog is found in google search when you type in key words about dildos.  That lead to tons of emails.  I didn't ask for it, and neither did you.  Oh well.

Honestly, I thought my tone in this piece was mild amusement.

Liz Rizzo ( http://blogher.org/blog/liz-rizzo )

I blog at Everyday Goddess ( http://everydaygoddess.typepad.com/ ).

You blogged about your pubic hair and now you get angry, becuase somebody asks about your actual style down there? 

First you are discussing about that topic, and now the shame has come? Are you kidding me? What's your problem now?

It is clear, that some horney old men read your comments and want to get more informations of you .

 Here is my tipp:

 Make an offence!

Tell us about our actual pubic style, and all your "bad, private e-mails" will be disapear .

Siegi Huber

There are gross men all over the place...and I really think that they congregate on the internet!  I'm not shocked that you got the emails! 

http://mycheckedbaggage.blogspot.com/

Hi Bill,

This is wise: "It's that they decided something about you based on what you were willing to share on the internet."

And I suppose there's no way to fight that except to continue to be who I am.

I just kinda feel bad that some guy thinks that his icky email might elicit a positive response. But, as other commenters said, any guy who only reads one post simply isn't doing his research. ;)

Liz Rizzo ( http://blogher.org/blog/liz-rizzo )

I blog at Everyday Goddess ( http://everydaygoddess.typepad.com/ ).

Thank you! :)  Haven't forgotten about y'all.  BlogHer's always been in my browser toolbar, haha and I've been in touch with Lisa & Elisa and some more of our friends, but I decided it's time to jump back in the mix! ;)

Cheers!

~ Bill ( http://billcammack.com )
I blog at billcammack.com ( http://billcammack.com )

Welcome back! It's been a long time, good to see you.

(sorry to interrupt this discussion - carry on!)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )

Hey Liz. :)

Invite it? Yes.  ASK for it? No.

Unfortunately, guys in general are going to latch onto the least bit of data which they perceive to be a deviation from the norm and run with it.  It's not that you asked guys to send you emails... It's that they decided something about you based on what you were willing to share on the internet.

Of course, the problem with reacting that way is that there are many women who feel, think and act the same way you do, except they didn't write an article about it.  So.. Writing to you is the path of least resistance.  Their only other option is to actually ASK women about this topic, which isn't going to work out well for them anyway.

So.. No, it's not you.  It's what those particular guys perceived about you, based probably on a Google search for two or three keywords.

~ Bill ( http://billcammack.com )
I blog at billcammack.com ( http://billcammack.com )

Here's hoping that you are psychic!!! :)

Liz Rizzo ( http://blogher.org/blog/liz-rizzo )

I blog at Everyday Goddess ( http://everydaygoddess.typepad.com/ ).

I did not intend for the title of my last comment to say, "You are going to get some", though I'm finding it quite hilarious right now. But that was completely unplanned, I swear!! 

Savia

You are going to get some interesting Google hits, based on this post alone :)

And, yes, as bloggers, we do put a lot of personal stuff out there on the Internet, but that doesn't mean jerkwads get carte blanche to sexually harass us. To me, it's akin to saying a woman deserves to be attacked on the street because she's wearing something provocative.  

Savia

Liz: You're hilarious! You didn't ask for odd come-ons.  Unfortunately, men see what they think is an opportunity and run with it.  They can't help themselves.

Thanks! I'm so glad my post made you laugh. :)

Liz Rizzo ( http://blogher.org/blog/liz-rizzo )

I blog at Everyday Goddess ( http://everydaygoddess.typepad.com/ ).

You so win Quote of the Day ( http://aquestionofperspective.com/fetching-wax/ )

And Docce's post was wonderful.  I was inspired as well ( http://www.blogher.com/perspectives-partnership ).

Um, and I completely laughed out loud at my desk reading this post.  Thanks.

____________________

Elisa DelBonis
aquestionofperspective.com ( http://aquestionofperspective.com )

Over on Twitter a friend said, "Answer: Yes. Yes you did. When you put yourself on the internet you are asking for all kinds of email from all kinds of people. :)"

Which is true. Even if I never said anything remotely racy, I'd expect the occasional email from a weirdo. You do open yourself up for that when you blog.

But what surprises me is that guys email me to come on, ask me out, or otherwise express interest, and they lead with MY PUBIC HAIR. Which is ultimately ineffective and turns me off. They think because I've written about something on the Internet, that they can lead with that with someone they don't know, and I perceive that as some sort of common sense disconnect, so that's what I'm asking about.

I don't share the emails because honestly, I don't think that they are necessarily jerks. Some have just misjudged what's gonna work with me.

Or they're trying the shotgun approach. Which I don't really judge anyone for either, because some women might respond to that. It just really surprises me. But yeah, they don't read more before they email me, that's a good point.

I usually just ignore. On occasion, when it was a longer, thoughtful email, just with a bad sexual lead-in or comment, emailed back to say I'm not looking, because at the time I wasn't.

Liz Rizzo ( http://blogher.org/blog/liz-rizzo )

I blog at Everyday Goddess ( http://everydaygoddess.typepad.com/ ).

Did you invite it?  I don't think so. 

There are some peope who only know how to relate to the opposite sex in sexual terms.  I honestly wonder if they have the reading comprehension skills to read your whole entry and get what it is really about.  All they see is she mentione sexual stuff, so I can proposition her. Just like in my case, she has big boobs, she must be easy.  I honestly don't think it matters what one does, the jerks will find you.

I am curious do you tell them off or just hit delete? 

I blog at whitehotmagik.blogspot.com ( http://whitehotmagik.blogspot.com )

When you think about it, Liz, even sex bloggers aren't asking for come-ons. Most sex columns and blogs center on health and embracing your sexuality in a positive way. They're written by men and women who study sex and who spend a lot of their time trying to educate others and are not in any way a bulletin board for anyone to come by, dropping inappropriate remarks and come-ons, any more than your blog is.

I think that's so gross! You can just tell the person in question didn't read half of your blog entry, just probably ran a search on Google for pubic hair. I recently blogged about AshleyMadison, a site for married people looking for extramarital relationships, and got an e-mail from someone asking me if I was ready to have an affair with him. If he'd read half of what I had written, he would have known I wasn't on the site looking for a lover.

If asking them to read more than a paragraph is too much, asking them to read more than one blog post is asking for the stars in the sky.  

oh dear, between your pubic hair and Suzanne blogging about 'designer vaginas', I think I'm going to have to stop reading blogher at work.  It's really, really difficult to explain to the guys I work with, what I'm giggling about.

But back to your question:  no you completely do not deserve this. but the internet is full of weirdos that think that, because they cannot see your face, they do not have to treat you like a person.

Please don't stop blogging about your pubic hair.  And publish the gross emails - that way we can all make fun of the crass guys who sent them.

I think I have a recipe for that... ( http://krissyscookingblog.blogspot.com/ )