You Want to Do This AGAIN?

By the time I gave birth to my daughter (one month shy of my 40th birthday), I'd already had several years of dealing with fertility issues, so the question of having another one boiled down to, "Is this even possible?" or "Do I want to go to the necessary lengths to make it possible?" I was painfully aware that the longer I waited, the less possible it would be, but also did not want to have two children too close together.

So we decided that if it was going to happen, it would. (The one successful pregnancy we'd had came about WITHOUT outside help, so that did not seem impossible). And it didn't happen.

So now we have a complete family with one, beautiful, perfect, amazing 11-year-old daughter. Yes, I sometimes wish we'd had more and I still get that ache when I meet someone with a happy baby or toddler. I've even thought about adoption before I come to my senses and remember that our lives are pretty good the way they are. I'll have to wait for grandkids to satisfy that baby ache (in about 15 or 20 years, I hope!)

We have one, absolutely perfect (of course) 9 year-old daughter. We LOVE having only one child. As very independent people, it makes it easier for us to maintain our own individual hobbies and still focus on parenting and our marriage. There are people who have felt the need to tell us that we are selfish. I'm not sure what that means. We are selfish because we chose to be happy people rather than stressed out people? we chose to be fulfilled personally so that we can bring that back to our family? it's an odd notion. we choose to look at it as being keenly aware of our boundaries and creating a life that works for us.

for others, the more the merrier, but not for us.

our daughter has two very happy and fulfilled parents who adore her completely. it's working.

resolute about our decision, we both got "fixed," in order to avoid an unexpected pregnancy. at the time, our doctor - who knew us very well - asked if we were sure that we weren't' going to want more children. we both said, "no." and he looked puzzled. it's entirely possible that we will want more kids some day. (not likely, but possible.) in that case, there are thousands of them, all over the world, who need and want a loving home. just so happens, we have one of those, so we went ahead.

people get to decide how their family should be shaped. some of us are great parents to one, others can be great parents to many. (i think i'd suck at that.) some people shouldn't have any at all. as with most things in life, there's no right answer.

although, right now, ONE is right for US.
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com

As soon as I had my first and only baby, I got the question, "So are you going to have another?" And "Is this your *first * baby?" Then after my brief answer, an unsolicited opinion would fire back, "Don't you want your child to have a sibling or did you have siblings or Only One??" One even said, "You'll change your mind" as if she was in control of my decisions.

This would light a fire in me like you would not believe. Perhaps I should have bent their ear for a half hour about how medically miserable I was being pregnant and how I had a life-threatening illness right afterward for months. Or that finally a year later I feel somewhat normal again. But no, I keep it all to myself and mention that one for now will do and perhaps adoption but only perhaps. Sure it would be nice to have a baby-producing body and have two still I'm happy with one beautiful healthy little one.

The bottom line: Never ever comment about the number of children one has or has not - you never know what they have gone through or how life has played out for them.