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Hunky Actor Boyfriend and I were speaking to each other about our 20s over breakfast last weekend. More and more lately, I've looked back on my 20s with disbelief.
How could I not see the things I see so clearly now? How could I make the mistakes I made, and how, through all of it, did I manage to end up here anyway, thankfully *not* married to the wrong person, *not* divorced, thankfully still striving for my dreams? Hunky Actor Boyfriend had similar experiences, and yet there we both sat in the NoHo Diner in Los Angeles, far from our 20-something lives.
30s. Happier. More confident.
The fact that I'm surely not the first to think these thoughts doesn't make them any less amazing to me.
In particular, often when I read 20-something blogs about sex & relationships it takes me back to what the world felt like back then. I remember when getting married was such a huge thing in my circle of friends. Despite our 80s upbringing, once we graduated college, there suddenly seemed to be a time table we were desperate to follow. It seemed that to not get married after college, in your 20s, was pure doom! Everything and everyone seemed to be locking down around us, and we would end up with nothing if we didn't figure it out Right Now. And OH, the angst about having children!
I had a sorority sister who would have a meltdown every year on her birthday like clockwork. She wanted to get married! She wanted to have children! The clock was ticking, and she was alone! Destined to be horribly, miserably alone if she didn't find someone immediately!
At like 26.
Sitting here at 36, that seems so utterly absurd. It feels painfully laughable how ridiculous we felt back then. Holy crap, I want to go back in time and tell her (and myself) that she has YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS! No need for tears; drink another drink that won't have you completely reeling in the morning because if anything's better in your 20s, it's how your body handles alcohol. Party on, girl! It's all good.
Now look, we're all on different paths. Certainly some people get happily married in their twenties. Certainly some people who wait to have children hit complications. Life throws all kinds of unexpected stuff at you no matter what you do when. I have no idea where I'll be or how I'll feel in five years.
But I do know that if I had known then and felt then what I know and feel now, I would have gotten out of bad relationships quicker, and I wouldn't have been so afraid of being alone for a while. Heck, maybe I could have done single from 25 to 30, instead of 30 to 35.
I wouldn't give my single years up for anything, but it might have been nice to have had them earlier. Or not. Who knows.
Still, I don't feel that panic at 36 that I did at 26. I have faith that if I continue to make the best decisions I can for myself, my life will play out as best it can. I have faith in myself and my ability to live my life and to continue to find happiness and challenges and work to be done and fun to be had. I'm enjoying the adventure. And at 36, I know I've still got plenty of time.
So if you're in your 20s, and you're feeling that pressure - pressure to find someone, pressure to have kids, pressure to get somewhere in life Right Now... Please, for me, all together now: Take a deep breath.
Take care of yourself, find a way to enjoy where you are right now and use this time to figure out who you are and what you want. You've got time. Your 30-something self promises.
~
Related Reading:
Turning 30: A welcome prospect? - Where I realize this was on my mind because Zandria blogged about 30s awesomely in September.
There are certain moments when you are sharply reminded of your increasing age… - A terrifying tale of newly engaged squee at the buffet.
All this money - Super long stream of conscious; "I wonder if I'm really super crazy broken."
Twenties - A decade review. The ENTIRE DECADE.
Roaring through my Twenties - A blog. When she's done, I guess she changes the name?
Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.
