On Your Mark, Get Set...

I always dreamed I'd be a mom "Someday." I never worried even though I rarely dated. It would happen Someday. I had stuff to do first. I was an editor at a publishing house in the mid-west, I moved to Europe to work with military teens. I had friends. I had travels. I had fun.

I met my husband when I was 35. Actually, probably before that. But it would have been one of those, "hi, nice to meet you, ok, bye." kind of things. Regardless, I was working on a military base in Italy and as far as I knew, all the older guys who went to chapel were married, so I rarely noticed them. Well, until I noticed him. I thought he was an orthodontist at first. Which didn't explain the tie he wore one Sunday - x-ray pictures of bones. Regardless, that was eons before we became friends and then began dating. Almost immediately after that, he moved back to the states.  And a year later, I moved to be near him - if this thing had legs, it was time to find them and start life together!

So I was 37 when I walked down the aisle (in flip flops) and while we wanted children, we wanted time alone together first. Which we got for 5 months and 12 days before he deployed for 6 months. At a time when I was already struggling to figure out how to be a decent wife after 37 years of singleness, I then got thrust back into a semi-singleness. In a city I was still learning. 

We started trying to get pregnant after he returned from Iraq. I assumed all it would take is one magic moment. I assumed since so many people take such precations to avoid pregnancy, it would make sense that all I would need was one man. Check. I mean, come on, pounds flock to my hips like snakes to St. Patrick when I smell food! CLEARLY this would be simple. 


I read volumes of books, I used pillows, I took vitamins by the dozen. More dairy, less dairy, green smoothies, music, internet research, you name and it I tried it. And then I decided to talk to my doctor who hemmed and hawed. I went home and continued my rituals. Avoid stress, exercise more, try to shed those blasted pounds! And yet my womb continued to flash its No Vacancy sign and I clocked in at 40. A dreaded age for any woman, the echo of a door getting ready to slam shut is all I heard. 

And then it happened. Orders. To Alaska. Well, at least I'd be sure to get plenty of Omega-3s. 

About 4 months after arriving in Alaska, I had the most random conversation ever which ended in a referral off-base to a gynecologist specializing in infertility. It took a while to get the appointment with him, but I had my first appointment with him yesterday.

The beginning is always the most intimidating. I was physically shaking as I walked into the hospital yesterday. Although yesterday was simply a consultation, I was incredibly overwhelmed! The consultation bounced back and forth, and included several options depending on what the lab results would show. I walked out with 2 prescriptions, 2 sheets to hand to labs over the next couple of weeks, and information that was leaking out of my head all over the place. I've never heard so many acronyms spoken in one session, and I'm a military spouse! 

So we start with bloodwork. And judging from this sheet of paper, I'm thinking they will drain me dry on Friday.

I'm not looking forward to some of these tests. But if it ends up with a baby shower and my husband rushing to get me to the hospital in the midst of a blizzard, I look forward knowing that ultimately God is in control. Not much in my life has been easy, but I have an amazing life - each struggle, each fight, each step forward has made my life better.

So, in the words of Tony Horton: Bring it. Let's do this. Because infertility is another challenge I will face, another obstacle I will overcome one way or another.


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