{Your Questions} I'm in a Stalled Relationship and Want Out. Help!

Q: I've been with the same guy for years, but it's not going anywhere. We live together, but I can't really see us together forever. I have to believe there's someone better for me out there, but I'm honestly too comfortable to make drastic moves. Not to mention, I do love him. HELP Big Sis, I'm so confused!!!   

A: Hey Doll, don't worry I got you covered! Becoming too comfortable for your own good can destroy otherwise amazing love stories.

I don't care if you have a house together or a car, a cat, whatever! You can't stay with someone just because you don't want to find your own apartment or be a third wheel. It's not fair to you or him. You can find a roommate, move home, find a cheaper place to live on your own - you have options. Granted. You may not find them to be comfortable options, but still they're viable, solid options.

When dealing with emotional situations we all tend to loose perspective, so take a step back and look at the situation rationally.

"The realty is, yes - moving out is going to be hard. You will cry, he will cry, you'll second guess your decision and feel relieved all at the same time. But once a few weeks pass, and you get back into a routine, you'll start to see things clearly.

Be proud of yourself for making a difficult decision and taking your future into your own hands. You deserve happiness, and so does your boyfriend. Staying with him cause he's safe robs him from true love as well.

Now. If you love him and truly believe you could be together forever with some realistic improvements, there's a chance it can be fixed. Before you make any decisions to move on, ask yourself...

"Have I truly done everything I can to fix this relationship and do I really want to?

Before packing your bags, talk to him about the situation. Be honest about your feelings and discuss realistic ways to solve the problems in your relationship. You're not in the Ms. America pageant, there's no 'right answer.' Whatever you're feeling - be it lost sexual attraction or craving more attention - are valid and real emotions that won't go away unless you address them.

Most importantly - don't sugar coat the situation. You have to be clear about what the potential outcome will be if you don't resolve these issues ("I don't think I can stay with you if we don't address __________.")

Sisterly Advice: Don't go all Jersey Shore on each other either.  Be calm and respectful. Screaming and being hurtful will make it SO much worse. Some people make break-ups dramatic, because they feel less guilty hurting someone when they're yelling back. Don't bait each other. If you want to break-up, tell him honestly and don't make up an elaborate story or create a big scene. Respect what you had, especially if it's a good relationship that just has run its course.

Remember, some people come into your lives for different purposes. He may not be 'the one', but he will always be an integral part of making you who you are today.

Good Luck,

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