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I've had at least five conversations with moms lately in which they say, "I just wouldn't know what to do with a girl," or "he acts like such a BOY." I actually believe nature is often more influential than nurture in long-term development, but is our early childhood behavior really so defined by gender? Are we helping anyone out by making comments like that? No, we are not.
Andi at Poot and Cubby writes:
Sometimes I will tell those who ask what it’s like to have a boy those things, because that is what they expect to hear. That boys are one-sided, kamikaze tornadoes that roar through your life. Sometimes I want to keep the other moments to myself - those moments that are the opposite of off-handed remarks like “boys will be boys”. Those moments are mine.
What is it like to "act like a boy"? Does it mean the child is especially active, especially physical, especially muddy? And girls, of course, are quieter, tidier and more talkative, right?
Sometimes, sometimes. I have a girl who "acts like a girl" in all those ways, but then again, she "acts like a boy" when she runs shrieking through the house after the cat. I don't think either the stereotypical boy behaviors or the stereotypical girl behaviors are bad behaviors, but we have to be careful about how we label our kids, how we talk to them about being a boy or a girl. At least, we do when they're younger. At least until they're old enough to decide for themselves how they want to act.
Some children act like both, like RunningMom's son:
When my son was little, he used to want me to paint his fingernails and toenails and he also liked to wear a tutu (like for ballet), lol. In addition, he was facinated with trucks, trains and sports. He no longer wants me to paint his fingernails or dress in girls clothing, but what if he did?
Laura of Autism is Beautiful writes:
I’ve noticed that my son doesn’t fall into specific gender roles, even
if we promote it. And, I love it! I love that we have an “excuse” to
“allow” our boy to play with whatever toys he chooses. I hate it when
people tease boys about playing with dolls or toy kitchens. Why the
outrage? Most boys will grow up to be husbands and fathers, and most
boys see their own dads cooking or caring for children, soooo…it only
seems natural that they would choose to emulate that in their dramatic
play. Yet, there still seems to be a stigma associated with little boys
in sparkly dressup clothes, playing with dollies, and cooking up
plastic food in the Fisher Price kitchen. Even in families like ours,
where it’s a houseful of girls and one little boy.
Whether boys act wild or sit quietly and whether girls terrorize the block with sticks and stones or idly brush their Barbie's hair, we must remember never to insinuate "acting like a girl" is "acting weak or inferior." I could care less how kids act, but it really pisses me off that when I went to Google blogs and searched "acts like a boy," I got a ton of loving descriptions of romping children, and when I searched "acts like a girl," I got rappers going down and the definition of "pansy," which I won't justify with a link. Clearly, acting like a girl is still bad or wrong, even in the year 2009. Or that's what people are writing on their blogs when they write of acting like a girl.
We can change that. The women of BlogHer are effective writers, broad-based and from all walks of life, all races and sexual orientations. We can write about our pride in our daughters AND SONS for acting like girls, not for playing with tea sets or giggling, but for behaving the way we've taught them to behave, with compassion, foresight and intelligence. Behaving as a woman should behave. Women are multi-taskers. Women are achievers. It's time for "acting like a girl" to mean something new.
