Your Specific Brand of Sexy

BlogHer Original Post

I love reading advice columns –- I devour Ann Landers, Dear Abby, Dear Prudence, and Since You Asked. But my absolute favorite is Dan Savage’s Savage Love.  Now -– before you click –- Savage Love is not NSFW (not safe for work), so browse at your own discretion. Dan Savage’s column started in Seattle’s alternative magazine The Stranger, and Dan mostly tackles issues relating to gay and straight rights, relationships, and -– you guessed it -– sexual kinks and desires.

Now, I know no one will believe me when I say this (because, after all, how vanilla can I be if I thoroughly enjoy Savage Love?), but I don’t have any really stand-out sexual kinks.  Alright ... I just don’t have any that I’ll admit to in public.  But reading Savage Love has opened my eyes to just how kinky the world can be.  People go crazy over things you couldn’t even imagine (or, maybe, you can): lacy panties, waterbeds, armpits, spanking, women who pretend to be men, men who pretend to be women, all sorts of bodily fluids, vegetables, body piercings, muscles, public sex, and cooking utensils.  Yes, really.   And there’s nothing wrong with these kinky folk; they’re just regular, horny humans who desire something a little different in bed.

After years of reading Dan’s column and getting a glimpse of American’s very varied sex lives, I can say one thing with certainty:  All body types are sexy.  There are men and women out there who desire curvy partners, skinny partners, heavy partners, short partners, tall partners, and partners of every skin color.  This isn’t a crazy fetish – this is basic attraction.

And it’s not just about the body. The undercurrent to strong sexual attraction is always, without fail, confidence. Self-respect is sexy. Humor is sexy. Appreciation for your own body is sexy. “It doesn’t matter what you’re doing,” Dan once said. “It matters how you’re doing it.” 

High Heels

Credit Image: Markusram on Flickr


As a society, we get wrapped up in the idea that there is only one definition of sexy. Women must be slender but big-breasted and have long, wavy hair. Men must be muscular and tan.But this is just the media’s version of sexy. It’s the sexy we see in magazines and movies. It’s the sexy we see in commercials and on sitcoms. It’s Cosmopolitan’s version of sexy. But it’s not necessarily the sexy we want in our beds.

We all have moments when we feel less-than-sexy. But here’s the thing: There is someone out there who is waiting for someone just like you. You are their specific brand of sexy. Embrace it, and rock what you got.

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Caitlin blogs at Operation Beautiful.

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