"You're doing it wrong" and other encouraging words.

Because I became pregnant, I thought that meant I now knew everything. I read everything possible about being pregnant. And now I research postpartum and infant things. Somehow I became an all-knowing advice giver. Why does that happen? I noticed when I was pregnant, other moms felt it acceptable to throw advice at you like it was their duty to pass this information on. And now I've become "that mom" as well. "When you're baby has the hiccups: put them over you're left knee, pat their back twice, rub their right side and say pineapple three times". Does this actually work? No. Does the mom who gives you the advice think it does? Absolutely. (They are so dillusional at this point that they think you're is the correct one in this sentence.) Because as moms we are so exhausted and dillusional, that we come up with any idea to "cure" our children of whatever they have. And when something finally works, out of sheer coincidence, it's literally a miracle. But the second you try it again and it doesn't work, you call your SO (significant other in APP talk) and curse the word pineapple and it's existence for not curing hiccups. And you're poor husband, sweet cheeks, lover, baby's daddy? Whatever you call him, or her, is trying to talk you out of this crisis that they can't even begin to understand its origin but they are supportive anyway and tell you that pineapples can suck it. Hope is all you have as a mom. Hope that you're doing things right. Hope that the advice you choose to take works. Hope that you are creating a good person. Hope that you don't screw up. It's a lot of pressure. Sometimes you feel like you're failing. Some people will in fact tell you this. And in all reality you probably aren't doing that bad. So you forgot to burp him after he ate. That nonstop crying is reminding you now isn't it? And you'll remember next time. You put him in his swing yesterday and she fell asleep. Why isn't she falling asleep now? Oh she has a dirty diaper. No wonder she doesn't want to sleep in that. It's all trial and error. Keep beating yourself up about it. It's making you a better mom. But remember that you aren't the only one. It'll keep you somewhat sane knowing there are other moms screwing up too.

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