"YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS CAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE A "FRIEND" RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR DAUGHTER!"
By notUrtypicalGma on July 11, 2010
we have all at one point or another had to "divorce" our best friend, for me that occassion happened about two months ago. the things that drew me to her ended up being the things that inevitably caused me to seperate myself from her. we had known eachother when we worked in the same place 18 years ago and though i thought she was annoying at first it was 10 years later that we actually crossed paths again. we had both gone through some things that put us in the same anger management class, domestic violence being the common issue. we had to talk about our situation in those sessions and for some reason we became close. we were drawn to eachother out of the need for understanding from someone. our families had pretty much given up on us. our children were in custody of our family members. we were both fighting for our kids to be reunited with us. needless to say we became one anothers support system, and through that time our kids too became close. her children were a little older and to me seemed a little spoiled, but they were great kids, over the years we had a relationship where we could be apart for months and then just be inseperable. during this time she helped us when we were between places and our kids were like brothers and sisters.
i secretly envied her because she seemed to be getting her life on track a great job, a nice house, a nice car. why was she getting all of that good stuff when i was busting my ass to make it. well she was also being helped out financially by a man she led on for years. maybe i wasn't succeeding in my life because i still held out hope that my girls dad would change. maybe karma was trying to destroy me. maybe i had not learned my life lesson so the universe wanted to keep throwing it in my path. who knows? i had a love hate relationship with her and her daughter in particular, as i saw her as an extension of her mother. always willing to play the role of victim. i saw it in her mother when we were in class and i even defended her sometimes, but over the years the pattern of "helpless" me was something she played on way too much, and her daughter learned that pattern well. during my last temporary stay with her, our daughters, hers aged 16 and mine 14 became close and i warned my daughter not to get too close to her. she always saw my daughter as an annoying kid, but i did request that she be civil while we were there and because as much as i cared about her, she was making a lot of bad choices already. not to say that she was a bad kid, more that she was an enabled kid, she was truant from school a lot, yet went out on the weekends, she was making choices that put her in harms way and suffering dearly for those choices. i didn't want my child to be influenced by her, my oldest daughter had already been influence enough!
well during our stay there my daughter became friends with a girl who was living with them also, and she took on this attitude and began acting out with me. my best friend saw it as me and my relationship with my childrens dad as the problem. i of course saw it as her "daughters" and their friends influence. piercing her lip, staying out til midnite, liking older boys, wanting to fit in, truancy from school, changing schools, all of the teen angsty stuff in a few weeks time YIKES. we got our own place and the first night here i had to call the police on my daughter because she ran away to my best friends house and said she was not living with me anymore and that i was a C word. to which i reacted by smacking her face (AND YES I TOLD THE OFFICER THIS) then she decided to basically try to smack me down as i held her back. it was only when my ten year old daughter said to let her go that i did. so i called the police who came and basically said "if you know where she is, she is not a runaway" to which i said " look i have already called the police on her once, and that time you did not put any fear in her. if you do not go over there and make her realize i am the adult i will go to jail for whooping her ass. and i have other people to take care of!" so he begrudgingly went. meantime i called my friend who was "counseling" my daughter to warn her the police were on there way. she was trying to buddy up to my kid and enable her too! saying that my daughter could stay with her. hah! well the police brought my daughter home and i could hear him from the window telling her that "he did not care about her because she was not his kid, and that she needed to do what i, her mother told her." she barged in the apartment and muttered some choice adjectives about the officer. the officer told me if she so much as disrespected me to call him! i was smiling inside so wide that i wanted to laugh out loud! YES chalk one up for "TEAM MOM". what i did, ended up being the best possible thing i ever could have done, as time waned on my daughter started hanging out with other people and my besties daughter began her poor me act. she began to talk trash about us, me and my daughters, and it got back to my daughter. her friend also began to talk about my daughter, and their little insecurities popped up in the form of "mean girls". one day unbeknownst to me my best friend decided to keep the three girls home from their morning classes so she could "counsel" them and have them kiss and makeup. that wouldn't have been so bad had i known beforehand, but i found out later she had told my daughter not to tell me. why? was she trying to "friend" my child? thank goodness it did not work my daughter told me "mom i only said what she wanted to hear so she would shut up!" she had friended many of her daughters peers, she even hung out with her kids friends, in too weird of a way for me. its great to know your kids friends but i am so not interested in their drama or living vicariously through them because i am trying to recapture my youth!
more time waned and my daughter began to start getting sick physically and emotionally because of these girls and their little mean girl act i told her the only way to shut these types of bullies up is to kick their asses. i know i will hear it but really now, some people especially bullies need a smack. sorry that is my opinion, it worked for me when i had a bully who later became my friend. and my sister too. i was ready to not be friends with my bestie anymore because she was trying to take on my role with my child. at any rate my daughter ended up doing a verbal volcano on my friends daughter in PE class in front of a bunch of kids who thought she was pissed because the girl was talking about how my daughter was doing situps! wrong! what those kids dont know is that this was building up for months, that said best friends daughter was worried my daughter was spreading "secrets" about her, when in fact my daughter was loyal to the end. so they go to the principals office and said best friends daughter plays the victim role and says she still wants to be friends that they are like best friends and she is crying her crocodile tears, really? best friends or frenemies? she actually saw my daughter as annoyance until she had no true friends because of her secret. sad thing is my child defended her, do you see the coinkydink here? said best friends daughter from another mother ends up confronting my child about what she said to her "sister" and commences to threaten her. so i pick up my daughter who thinks her life is over. i try to call said best friend who does not call me back and i then hear my daughter talking to someone on the phone about "sisters" boyfriend paying people to jump my daughter. uh oh wrong thing to do, so i call this boyfriend and tell him off and he tells me "your just jealous cause you don't have a friend relationship with your daughters!" which i am 100% sure he heard come out of my ex-besties mouth.
damned right i don't i am their MOTHER and not their friend! friends come and go, but being a momma is forever! friends love is based on conditions, mommas love is unconditional, friends may say they want the best for you but are secretly waiting for your downfall,well frenemies are. so i say pick and choose your friends wisely and if your mother doesn't like them there is probably good reason.
after this little conversation with this little punk i went to my said best friends house and her daughter came to the door. i said" where's your mom?" who was at school. so i told her that she and her litle friend were the cause of a lot of problems and i said some stuff i shouldn't have like calling her a little whore. but i take responsiblity for that and would never say anything that was not true. sorry again. ouch. i even taped the conversation because i knew said best friend would misconstrue anything that i had said and voila i was right. she posted things on her myspace about the incident that are untrue. so my said best friend who i have known for 18 years calls the police on me, who tell me not to go near her home or her daughters blahahahahahblahhha to which i say tell her the same for me and also tell her "thanks for talking to me about it after 18 years of friendship" so that is how our friendship ended. something i had predicted and told said best friend, that our daughters being friends would end our friendship. i actually knew that our frienship was done anyway, that although my friend said she wanted to see me happy, she secretly liked when i depended on her, that meant i was somehow failing and unhappy. she kept telling me to leave my girls dad, telling me what i needed to do where my kids were concerned. instead of being the friend who will just let me unload or says i am here no matter what, and if you are happy then i am happy for you. you don't get a lot of friends like that in life.
so are you your childs best friend? or are you their parent? i asked my daughter the other day what she wanted me to be to her at first she shrugged her shoulders but after thinking about it she said, " i want you to be my mother because no matter what you will always be here for me", yay for "TEAM MOM"!!!
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