You're not matronly, so why should your clothes be?

I'm a fan of Project Runway, and as I watch Michael Kors sneer about things being too "matronly" week after week, I wonder how does one avoid that dreaded look? I'm assuming "matronly" means "middle-aged mother," so that somewhat describes my station in life. But relevant to describing fashion, it seems to have a negative connotation. What types of clothes are "matronly" and how do I avoid them?

Being a 40ish mom does NOT mean surrendering your fashion sense and giving in to a closet full of twin sets and pearls and handbags that match your shoes (all in neutral brown or black leather, of course). Dressing your age is not the same as looking "matronly" (and Aimee is dead on: that is NOT a compliment). The trick is to balance classic, grown-up pieces with fresh, youthful accessories for a look that is individual and hip and age-appropriate.

What pieces are by definition "matronly"? Well, anything that makes you look old and frumpy and unstylish. Mom jeans are the first thing that comes to mind when we picture matronly wardrobe pieces, those washed out, ill-fitting pleated ones with the waist up to your armpits and the tapered legs. No one really wears jeans like that any more, but the idea is still valid: pants that make you look wider through the mid-section will age you faster than a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party. Opt instead for mid-rise trousers that fall straight from the widest part of your hips. No matter what your size or shape, this cut is flattering and NOT matronly.

Suits can be matronly if you're not careful. A very conservative suit, paired with a neutral blouse or sweater and matching neutral shoes and bag, is a snoozer; instead, wear your basic black or brown or gray suit with a bright colored tank or blouse, or with some fabulous printed peep toe pumps. Keep shoes and bag in the same color palette, but don't match them; creative and colorful accessories give neutral basics a youthful edge.

We often assume we can avoid looking matronly by erring on the side of looking more youthful, which can mean graphic tees with pictures of Sesame Street characters or mini skirts and Keds. While a graphic tee can be chic and grown up, it is MORE chic -- and less likely to make you look old -- when its worn with dark jeans and a slim jacket. And a mini, if you've still got the legs for it, can be perfectly appropriate for someone Of A Certain Age, but pair it with some cute skimmers or sandals, rather than dirty tennis shoes.

All pieces available at Boden USA

The trick to avoiding looking old is simply this: dress your age. Don't try to dress like a kid, because you're not one any more, but don't give up just because you're 40 (or 50 or 60). Looking youthful and fresh is about finding the balance between classic pieces that fit your body and funky, colorful pieces that give your wardrobe character. Too much classic and you look old; too much funky and you look, well, old, but in a trying-to-look-young kind of way.

Still not sure what should and shouldn't be in your closet? Oprah to the rescue! In the January issue of O Magazine, Charla Krupp, author of How Not to Look Old, provided readers with a list of 25 items that have to go:

1. Holiday sweaters with bells and appliqués (reindeers, teddy bears, bumblebees, pumpkins).
2. Granny necklaces that tell how many grandchildren you have.
3. Souvenir T-shirts.
4. T-shirts with meant-to-be funny sayings.
5. Overalls.
6. Acid-washed jeans.
7. Ripped jeans.
8. Shoulder pads.
9. Flannel shirts.
10. Muumuus.
11. Photo handbags (the older you get, the more sophisticated your accessories should be).
12. Flesh-colored hose.
13. Penny loafers.
14. Oversize blazers.
15. Mommy robes.
16. Thin gold chain necklaces.
17. Elastic-waist pants.
18. Granny undies.
19. Baggy sweats.
20. Bearlike, full-length fur coats.
21. Short shorts.
22. Cargo pants.
23. Stockings with reinforced toes.
24. Three-piece suits with vests.
25. Backpacks.

Now that you know what NOT to wear, how do you know what's in? Anne Metz at StyleDash dishes about what to wear when you look younger than you are (a problem we ALL wish we had). Focus on Style's Sharon advises a 30-year-old teacher who feels caught between her student's looks, which are too young for her, and the "alternative of jumpers and printed sweaters" of her older co-workers. The solution? Timeless pieces with a twist. Sounds familiar!

Finally, Angie at You Look Fab walks us through good fashion choices from your 20s to your 60s, decade by decade. This is a tremendously helpful post.

Susan Wagner writes about fashion at Friday Style and The Working Closet and Fashion Find. She is turning 40 soon and is making a big effort to dress like a grown up.

Submitted by Susan Wagner (view blog

) on Tue, 01/15/2008 - 6:06pm

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Oh, Michael Kors

You know, I love the nasty cattiness that he brings to PR. But seriously, the guy wears nothing but black blazers. That's not matronly, but it IS something else- BORING.

Submitted by slynnro on Tue, 01/15/2008 - 19:52

No cargo pants or backpacks?

No cargo pants or backpacks? I'm on board except for those two items. Love the links. Thanks.
Chilihead

Don't Try This at Home

Submitted by Melanie Nelson on Tue, 01/15/2008 - 19:56

No Cargo Pants?

Surely there's some wiggle room here! I have several pairs of silk, satin and wool cargo pants by Donna Karan, Emmanuel Ungaro, DaNang and other totally hip cool designer cargo pants. So not one to fixate on labels (at all) and usually the thrift store queen, I was thrilled when these started popping up with gorgeous fabrics, nice detailing, great cuts.... and they look so great with a skinny tank and great necklace - or big loose knit sweater and nice boots.....

but yeah, backpacks? no.
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com

Submitted by alyssaroyse on Tue, 01/15/2008 - 20:05

The cargo pants ARE a stumper.

The cargo pants baffled me as well -- I mean, obviously I understand the ban on holiday sweaters and photo handbags, but cargo pants don't seem so egregious to me.

I really think the bottom line is this: don't try to dress too young, and don't be fooled into dressing too old. You are the age you are, and you should celebrate it by looking great.

Even if that means cargo pants.

Friday Style | The Working Closet | Friday Playdate

Submitted by Susan Wagner on Tue, 01/15/2008 - 20:22

not a rule follower anyway

Yup, I'm wearing the cargo pants anyway. :) My general rule is that as long as it's not polar fleece, is clean and does fit you, then you can probably pull it off.

There is not, however, ever a reason to wear polar fleece in public. :) And where's the NO SOCKS AND SANDALS line? (Or is it only in Seattle that we have to deal with that?)
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com

Submitted by alyssaroyse on Tue, 01/15/2008 - 22:18

Phooey!

If I am not old enough to decide what to wear by now, it will have to wait for grave clothes.

Most of the things on that list never made it into my life anyway, but a leather backpack sure did and it stays on. There's no other reasonable way to manage what I often have to carry around in cities like Rome and Florence where you need to be in charge of your stuff at every moment.

Cargo pants are the same as paratrooper pants? Because those I have in silk velvet. They are just ideal when you must by law carry certain documents all the time. If I didn't wear them to certain kinds of gatherings I would have to carry a granny purse in the evening. Too young? None of the kids here are wearing them! Besides, the silver hair saves the statement.

I also have Polarfleece because the humidity in winter in central Italy is just killer. I designed and made an evening dress in the thinnest Polarfleece for at home evenings. It's swishy, comfortable and washes after I get cooking splashes on it. Hiking and runaround errands demand it here. If I hadn't brought it here, I'd have to invent it. For the same reason I have flesh colored hosiery, some in wool and some ordinary. You just need the extra layer sometimes when it has been foggy or drippy for weeks. Hosiery just doesn't come in every possible color.

My old person rule is that things should have shape. We need tailoring and structure so that we don't end up puddingy.

http://www.judithgreenwood.com/thinkonit/

Submitted by Judith in Umbria on Wed, 01/16/2008 - 04:13

Puddingy is my new favorite word.

And that's really all I have to say. ;)

Laurie
LaurieWrites

Submitted by lauriewrites on Tue, 01/22/2008 - 20:39

Thanks for the mention - how to look great!

Hi Susan,

Thanks for mentioning us and kudos for doing a bang up job covering fashion here!

In my 20-odd years in the style and fashion business, I think there is no one thing that matters more when you want to avoid looking matronly other than the right cut and fit!
It's not about the type of garment but rather how that style looks on you.

Yes, you can wear sneakers- but wear stylish sneakers and NOT
clumsy white gym sneakers. Yes, you can wear jeans, but avoid the dreaded reverse fit "Mom Jeans". And, by all means wear cargo pants if you like, but ones that
are more utilitarian cool rather than pretending to be corporate casual. Yes,
you can
look
great at any age ! Take a page from the Parisians, and learn how to
master the simple art of

French Chic-- understand the value of proportion and fit and run, don't
walk, from any style that's dated, awkward, or just plain

frumpy. After all, looking great isn't an indulgence, it is a right!

Keep on styling,

Sharon

FocusOnStyle.com - where fashion works for you!

Submitted by focusonstyle on Wed, 01/16/2008 - 06:49

Thank YOU, Sharon!

Those French women look hott ALL the time, don't they? I'm all over that look.

Friday Style | The Working Closet | Friday Playdate

Submitted by Susan Wagner on Wed, 01/16/2008 - 09:11

Merci, Susan!

FocusOnStyle.com - where fashion works for you!

Submitted by focusonstyle on Thu, 01/17/2008 - 07:03

That's a good list.

I can't avoid the torn jeans right now because I own two pair and they're both cheap and 4 years old. I've been shopping for new ones but it's hard work. Well-fitting and at or just below waist and boot cut are harder to find than I thought. Then add affordable on a grad student budget and I'd better go patch my jeans again.

I wonder if they meant backpack purses more than actual back packs. If you need to schlep a lot of stuff and often then a backpack does the best job of distributing the weight. But the purse style is getting a bit dated. Although they're fantastic if you're carting a baby around. And if you do need a student-sized backpack, then try and get a leather one or something in black to be a bit more stylish and grown-up.

Judith, I think this comic sums it up nicely: http://www.gocomics.com/stonesoup/2008/01/14/

I love the shocked look on the teen's face!

Submitted by jenniferl on Thu, 01/17/2008 - 12:06

FIT!

First of all regardless of age: Don't kid yourself that the baggy stuff is hiding something, it's not.
Frumpy in New England is the women who look like they're wearing their husband's hand-me-downs which either are, or something brand new from LL Bean or Talbots that does not fit. Always buy clothing that is actually your size and not several too large. If you still own it and it's too large, start a Charity Box! Whatever acentuates or gives the illusion of having a waistline is never frumpy or matronly.

As for Michael Kors' referring to clothing as "M.O.B."? Frumpy in the Formalwear Department is anything with shoulderpads and too much topheavy beading and again NO WAISTLINE. I make more custom MOB/MOG gowns lately due to the fact that the Fashion Industry seems to think that the minute we turn 40 we automatically lose our sense of style and self! There is very little for sale in Formal Ready to Wear that isn't either 'Dame Edna' on one end of the spectrum and Paris Hilton on the other. It's a sad state of things.

Submitted by Miss SEAMS on Fri, 01/18/2008 - 10:33