Zombies and creepy flying babies with weapons are symbols of love?

Single women don't need Valentine's Day survival tips. It's a Friday night this year, my friend, not a Zombie Apocalypse.

 

I understand the confusion, though. It is the feast of an undead saint who continues to walk among us. He and his minion- Cupid-- spread fear and eat brains one night a year, an offering to the gods of stereotypes and relationship rules.

 

A creepy flying baby with hunting gear can scare the sh*t out of a girl. Just saying.

Plus, Cupid was a mama's boy. He let his sweet but obsessive girlfriend, Psyche, fall into the clutches of the mother of all mothers, Venus, who promptly "rewarded" Psyche's love with haidmaids named Sadness and Worry. 

 

Yup.

 

Love. Sadness. Worry.  The Goddess’s own unholy trinity.

 

Some of us drink the goddess's kool-Aid, and believe unwed equals unhappy, unhealthy and unfit for dinner parties, sad and lonely, and/or deeply flawed for loving our jobs or dreaming big.

 

But not you.  You don’t believe that myth anymore than Cupid and Psyche, do you? What you believe is that you’re pretty great and your life is kind of wonderful, right?

 

You’re just not married.

 

Go ahead, have yourself a good sigh.

 

My psyche is damaged from years of self-improving, positive thinking and digging deep to find what's wrong with me. You too? How about we stop letting the media and well-meaning friends scare us into what is really digging our own graves-- marked “DIED ALONE AND LONELY?”

 

Here's what I know about the fear response: fight trumps flight when it comes to fear of Zombies, not relationships.

  

Admittedly “someone you know” is a shrew when she has a beau and he does not shower her with love, attention and presents (yes, plural) on February 14. But when “someone you know” is not in a relationship, the 15th is her special day: all the candy is 50% off.

 

Are you among the goddesses who will venture into the night to swat (or swap spit with) winged archers? Half of life- and the afterlife- is just showing up, if so, sashay on!

 

If, however, on the Night of the Living Dead Saint, your inner-Zombie hunter arises, remember, the only way to kill the monster is with a vicious blow to the head. Which head is up to you.

 

Zombie Apocalypse Survival Tips

Keep a safe distance from known Zombie areas, such as dark restaurants.

Beware of babies. That’s it. Just beware.

Organize a posse and confront the beasts: Laughter is kryptonite for Kiljoy and Co.

Prepare for spontaneous skirmishes using sharp remarks and lethal looks.

Maintain your fighting weight.

Carbo- and choco-load to keep up your strength.

Stay hydrated with adult beverages.

Lock your door and sleep through the entire attack

 

Will you be hunting Zombies, watching TV or getting fly with Cupid this year? Leave a comment or tweet me @beth_odonnell

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